Title: Baby Can I Hold You?
Author: Sairalinde
Characters: David Wenham/Craig Parker
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Fiction. As in...not true.
Warnings: none other than this is NOT typical happy ending Saira...so you've been warned!
A/N: Written for Bijou's songfic challenge it had to fit the song so it's sad. Craig and David are seperated by circumstance.

Baby Can I Hold You
Tracy Chapman

Sorry
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like sorry like sorry

Forgive me
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like forgive me forgive me

But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you'd be mine

I love you
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like I love you I love you

Craig stood motionless as his eyes found a familiar profile across the room. Almost seven years. Seven years since he lost his heart. Five and a half years since he said goodbye, and still he found his heart skip a beat when the redhead walked into the room. They'd almost had something perfect, something worth more than all the gold in the world. Almost. Maybe if he'd said something…maybe if he'd been bolder and had let the other man know what he felt was more than just attraction and friendship. But he hadn't been able to and the redhead hadn't said it either so…both of them were to blame for it. They'd spent a perfect night together, a singular perfect night that he knew he'd remember all of his life, and that all other lovers he'd be with would have to live up to, and he knew in his heart they would fail. David had a family, a daughter. Craig couldn't have said anything because he knew what the choice would be. David was a good man…and a good father.

David stood motionless as someone whispered 'there's Craig' beside him. Pale blue eyes rose to meet deep blue eyes across a crowded room. Years gone by and every time he saw Craig his heart stood still. Even now. //I loved you, I still love you but it was only one perfect night wasn't it? We had our lives to live. I had a family to go back to…but God, it wasn't easy to walk away. I wish things had been different. I wish it had been the right time in our lives.//

David watched as Craig's eyes flickered away from his own, and he knew he'd seen the same longing in them as he knew was in his own heart. Looking down at the glass in his hand, David sighed. Time hadn't changed anything. He was still *trying* to be a good father to his daughter, still trying to make things work with Kate…even though he knew he didn't love the woman. His heart belonged to the blue-eyed man across the room with the gorgeous smile.

Craig looked up again and saw David staring down into his glass. He looked…sad…tired in some way. His heart ached in his chest and he wanted to cross over to him, kiss him and make whatever was bothering him go away. But he couldn't. He didn't have that right, and he never had. Not even that night…that foolish night where they both forgot who they were, where they were and just comforted one another, loved one another until the sun rose and shattered their nighttime secrets. Tears suddenly welled up in Craig's eyes at the memory of David walking out the door that morning so long ago. He drained his glass in one long swallow and set it on a passing waiters tray before disappearing out onto the balcony for some air.

Looking up David saw Craig disappear onto the balcony and every part of him wanted to go to him. To tell him everything Craig deserved to hear. Before he realized what he was doing, David set his glass on a table and headed for the balcony. This might not be a great idea…but he just wanted to see him one more time.

Craig leaned against the marble railing and swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. It was over before it ever really began, why couldn't he let go? How did David get down to his very bones? It was an affliction that Craig both loved and hated. He loved him. Always had, yet he couldn't have him. He knew he was torturing himself, for seven years he'd tortured himself and he couldn't seem to stop. He turned when he heard someone step onto the balcony and he saw David walk up with his head down and his hands in his pockets.

"Chilly out here," David murmured as he came to stop beside the other man.

"Didn't notice," Crag murmured in response unable to bring voice to anything else.

They stood side by side staring out at the moonlit landscape, their shoulders almost brushing.

"I…was glad to see you here tonight," David began feeling like an idiot.

Craig glanced over at David who was staring off at nothing. "Been…a while."

David nodded in agreement and then turned to look at Craig. "I can go if you want."

//Don't go. Please. Don't ever leave again.// "Free world," Craig shrugged.

"Is it?" David murmured.

Craig knew what he meant and felt the tears well up again and when he looked into David's eyes in the moonlight he could see tears shimmering in his eyes too.

They stood that way for a long time simply staring at one another in the dim light. Their eyes saying everything they couldn't speak aloud.

//Forgive me. Please, Craig. Forgive me. I love you. I always have.//

//I'm sorry, David. I'm sorry we didn't have a chance. I love you. Only ever you.//

"I…" They both spoke at the same time and shook their heads.

"Can we…go somewhere and talk?" David asked softly, glancing back at the crowd in the other room.

"Why not, we are doing a spectacular job of it at the moment," Craig mused dryly and smiled sadly when David huffed a small laugh.

They walked side-by-side back into the brightly lit ballroom and headed for the hallway where the elevators were. Neither man spoke as they waited on the car to arrive, and then once in the elevator they still stood silently, each one stealing glances at the other as the doors slid closed and then opened again on David's floor.

David stepped out of the car ahead of Craig and waited for him to follow him to his room. Swiping the keycard, David opened the door and ushered Craig inside.

They stood in the doorway awkwardly for several moments.

"I'm not sure if this is the best idea after all," Craig began, as David stood next to the door seemingly as nervous as he was.

"Maybe not. No. It isn't really at all…but…" David's words trailed off.

"I know," is all the answer Craig could make.

"We…once…wasn't enough," David stammered unable to bring voice to everything he felt. A million times wouldn't be enough, he silently added.

"No. But this won't make things any easier," Craig answered feeling his stomach flip and he swallowed hard.

"I wish…things could have been," David began sadly but Craig's fingers pressed against his lips.

"Shh, don't say it. Don't say that you regret it, or that you wish things could have worked out…don't. Just…just ask me what you want to ask but don't regret. Remember…we promised each other that morning."

"It didn't work," David whispered when Craig's hand fell away. "I never stopped regretting."

Craig smiled sadly. "It just wasn't the right time."

"It may not be this time either…but…I couldn't walk away without…seeing you again. You…you don't have to stay. I just…I miss you."

"I miss you too. You don't have to say anything though…it…this is enough…just knowing you still think of me is enough."

"It isn't…I wish I could say more," David stopped and looked at Craig wishing he could just do what his heart wanted instead of what his head told him.

"You can ask if you want…ask me to stay…tonight. Just…one more…" Craig began.

"One more perfect night," David finished for him.

"Kiss me, David. Just forget about everything else and just hold me tonight…just once more," Craig whispered moving closer even as David moved closer as well.

Their lips sealed together in a soft perfect kiss that turned into so much more that it took both men's breath away. Before he knew it David was pressed up against the door, Craig's mouth insistent against his own as they kissed each other hard, trying to sear away the pain and the longing they'd both felt the last five and a half years. Each of them saying to one another with lips, teeth, tongues, and hands everything they couldn't say with words.

Deep down they both knew this wouldn't change anything and might make it even harder to get over each other for the next five years. Then again maybe there just wasn't any way they could get over each other?

The next morning as the sun filtered through the curtains of David's hotel room, Craig pressed a gentle kiss against David's forehead. //I love you.// He carefully got out of bed, not wanting to wake the other man. He wouldn't be the one to watch the love of his life walk out the door this time. This time he'd slip away before David ever woke. Silently he dressed and moved quietly out the door, he never saw the tears slide from closed eyes down to David's pillow.

//I love you, Craig.//