Posted: November 11, 2005
Title: In the Blood
Author: Sairalinde
Fandom: Van Helsing
Type: FPS
Pairing: Carl/Gabriel
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters from Van Helsing belong to someone else; I just borrowed them for this fic.
Beta: Cousin Shelley
Summary: Carl goes to the mountains to get away from controlling family and meets a mysterious neighbor and makes friends with a black wolf.
Author's Notes: A.U. set in modern times. This story is based heavily around the novel Enchanted by Nora Roberts. When I read the book I kept picturing Carl and Gabriel in the place of the characters in her story, so I decided to take her story and slash it and change the plot slightly. If it seems an awful lot like her story…well it is, just a slash version of it with a much different plot. :-)

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Dark as midnight and swift of foot, the wolf raced under the silver light of the hunter’s moon, its light shining through the grand spikes of trees, where purple shadows danced in the magic of the night. This was his domain for almost a year now. 

The wind blew back the dark fur as he raced through the woods, the small creatures of the forest spilling their scent into the damp air. He knew they were there, could smell them, sense them, and hear the rapid beat of blood in their veins but he hunted nothing this night. 

No pack, no mate, only solitude, and he preferred it that way. 

Something seemed to press against him…something elusive. A thought, a call, and a hum in his veins that told him his world was about to change. The calling. Blood to blood, fire to fire, and heart to heart. 

//Not ready. It’s too soon.// 

Barreling through the woods, with great powerful strides, the wolf broke through the trees toward the soft glow of lights, a cabin of stone and wood where the whispers of night fell quiet. As he bounded up the steps, light flashed, the air shimmered and swirled and wolf…became man. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A day later and a half-mile away at a different cabin, Carl sat staring at the two-story structure of light wood and stone, with a large covered porch. It looked comfortable and it *fit* right here in this little isolated glen. He was here. He’d done it, finally taken his life into his own hands. For once he just decided to do something for himself, despite having his family argue with him about it. 

Now he just needed to let go of the steering wheel and actually go in and start this new life that he knew in his very soul he needed. First things first, get out, take his things in, and unpack. Make some coffee, take a shower, and not have a soul telling him what he should think or who he should be. All very practical, reasonable things yet he couldn’t seem to let go of the steering wheel. He had the oddest feeling that his life was about to change much more here than simply moving away from Los Angeles and the hustle and bustle of his life there. The life his parents wanted him to lead. The life everyone wanted him to have...but him. 

“You’re such a fool, Carl,” he whispered to himself. “Such a coward, just do it. You’ve come this far.”

He thought about why he was here, why he had taken this step in his life. He wasn’t entirely sure himself, it was as if he had simply been drawn here. He had disappointed his family, and he did feel guilty for it, but not enough he supposed to stay in Los Angeles. He just couldn’t continue down the path they wanted him to. The more they pushed, the more he felt he needed to break free. And now that he had, he was terrified of what may come. 

Finally, he unfastened his seatbelt and got out. As the cool spring air washed over him, Carl decided in that instant *this * was where he was meant to be. And he felt his body relax for the first time in what seemed a lifetime. 

Making his way for the cabin, he tried not to focus on how quiet it was. He was so accustomed to the noise of the city; he was feeling awkward not hearing the rumble of traffic, people’s voices, and sirens. He unlocked the door, the jingle of the keys sounding extremely loud in the peaceful silence, and stood on the threshold. 

The cabin was exactly as it had been described to him. All polished hardwood, and rustic charm. He grinned to himself, knowing his parents seemed to think he’d be staying in a hut. He explored the cabin, noting where each door led, went upstairs and found the bedroom and a large studio type room with huge windows that seemed to beckon the sunlight happily within. He could focus there, he thought, such a cheerful place compared to the stale gray cubicle he worked in for the last five years. 

Smiling happily, Carl trotted back downstairs to begin unloading his things and get settled in. Opening the back of the SUV, he reached in and grabbed a box, then suddenly felt the skin on the back of his neck prickle. It was as if someone was watching him. He felt his heart beating wildly in his chest and turned, almost slamming back against the vehicle. He gasped and stared at the sight before him, knowing he should run, knowing it and not being able to will his feet to move. 

A wolf, pure black with eyes that sparkled like golden coins stared at him from the edge of the trees. The animal was still as a statue carved from shiny onyx. Watching. Carl felt like an idiot, simply staring and unable to do anything else. Then he realized, //I’m not afraid. I should be terrified.// But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was more surprised than afraid. 

It seemed…familiar, not entirely unexpected, though he’d never seen a wolf, especially one as large and as magnificent as that, outside of the San Diego Zoo anyway. 

The wolf didn’t move, simply stared patiently at him, INTO him. Seconds, or maybe minutes ticked by that felt like a lifetime, before Carl seemed to come out of whatever trance he had fallen into. 

“Uh…hello?” He heard himself say to the beautiful animal, and then laughed nervously feeling silly for speaking to the beast. In a split second he blinked and suddenly, the wolf was gone. 

For a moment, Carl swayed from the shock of it all and shook his head. He stared intently at the edge of the trees, searching for movement…something to tell him he hadn’t just imagined it. 

“Only my imagination,” he muttered. //If there was anything there, it was a dog. Not a wolf, just a big, black German shepherd or something. Besides…wolves are nocturnal right? They don’t just walk up and stare at people. Not in broad daylight. // He’d look it up on the Internet…just to be sure. Was probably just a neighbor nearby with a dog? That’s all. 

The wolf watched the man from the shadows of the trees. Who was he? Why was he here now? It was too soon! He watched the man with dark golden hair and bright blue eyes move nervously and toss glances over his shoulder as he carried things from the vehicle to the cabin. 

The wolf had scented him from over half a mile away. His worry, his excitement, his longing, his…innocence, all of them had come to him. And called to his blood bringing him to the man. 

The wolf narrowed his eyes in annoyance and bared his teeth. He’d be damned if he was going to let this man change what he was or what he wanted. Fate be damned, he wasn’t ready for this. Not yet, and more importantly the golden haired man wasn’t ready. 

The wolf growled, a low rumble in his chest and turned away vanishing into the trees. 

~~~~~~~

Carl had been slightly shaken after seeing the wolf but soon he got everything hauled inside and unpacked. After everything was in its rightful place, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He didn’t feel like working. He had set his computer up and powered it on, tested the Internet connection, checked his email, and then powered it back off. He didn’t feel like toying with bits of code today. 

He explored the cabin and decided since it would still be light out for a few more hours he should take a walk. Explore a bit and get familiar with the woods surrounding the cabin. The Realtor had given him a small drawing, showing all of the paths around the cabin and he just decided to pick one and see where it took him. Locking the door out of habit, he turned in the direction of the tree line and followed the path there. 

Growing up in the city hadn’t prepared him for the quiet peaceful sounds or the vastness of the forest around him. Everything about the place was like something out of a storybook…or out of the dreams he had. He shivered at that thought… the dreams that had haunted him for years, some since childhood. They weren’t nightmares, he knew that much. They had been vague, but Carl knew deep down there was nothing to fear in those dreams. There was a flash of foreboding, a thought that something, that his life, that *he* might change but he didn’t think that was necessarily a bad thing. His parents did, they hated that he’d decided to come here to Washington. They wanted him to follow the neat little ‘life’ they had prepared for him and he’d disappointed them by no longer wanting to follow their wishes. 

Why couldn’t they just see that he needed to find who he was, on his own? “They love you, and just want what’s best for you,” he whispered to himself, and though the argument had worked in the past, it no longer did. He couldn’t continue to do what didn’t make him happy. That didn’t change the fact that he felt guilty for letting them down. 

Coming out of his thoughts, Carl looked around the path. The woods were his as long as he wanted. And here, there was no one to shake their heads indulgently if his mind wandered to fairy tales and magic. His latest choice of ‘career’ had left them completely baffled, saying he was crazy. He had explained how much money was to be made in what he wanted to do but his father saw it as a slap in the face. 

It wasn’t an easy decision to make after all these years but he just *had* to do it. He had found that changing his path in life was easier than he thought it would be…at least on the surface. Quit his job at his father’s firm. Get another company to believe in his ideas enough to agree to bankroll him as a freelance developer for a year. Rent a cabin in the woods; trade in his loafers for hiking boots, and his suits and ties for jeans and comfortable clothing. The problem was changing what was in his mind, all of the conflicting thoughts, responsibilities warring with desires, and guilt warring with the need for freedom. 

When he looked around and took a deep breath he realized he could hear the sea and smell the tang of salt in the air. He hadn’t realized he was so close to the ocean here. He came to a fork in the path. As he turned to the left, the sound of the sea became louder and the smell of the salt in the air was heavier. When he came out of the cover of the trees he saw the cliffs. 

His boots clattered as he climbed up the rocks. The wind whipped around him, and he found himself smiling at the sight before him. Miles and miles of blue ocean, lined with foaming waves throwing themselves against the rocks with a force he could almost feel sizzling in the air around him. 

He could see boats in the distance, and a small island not far from shore. So entranced by the scene, he simply lowered himself onto the rocks and watched the waves rush in and the gulls circle overhead. 

Carl lost track of time as he let his mind simply wander and when he glanced down he realized the shadows were much longer. He looked at his watch and blinked. “When have I ever done that? Just waste an entire afternoon on…nothing?” he whispered to himself and smiled contentedly. It felt good. 

He rose, stretched his arms high to un-kink the muscles of his back, turned, and saw someone standing so close that it startled him. Carl stepped backwards automatically, unthinking about the sheer drop behind him and nearly stumbled over the edge of the cliff. 

The blond man he’d been silently observing would have fallen if he hadn’t moved quickly enough, so quickly that the smaller man had no sense of anyone near him at all. But strong hands closed firmly over his arms and pulled him to safe ground. 

“Steady,” a deep voice said, and it was more an order than a suggestion. 

Carl’s voice seemed trapped in his throat as he stared at his ‘savior,’ a prince or a dark angel were the only thoughts that came to mind. Dark hair almost the same shade as a moonless night hung loose to his shoulders in soft waves and flew around a face lightly gilded by the sun. He was tall. Only the sense of height seemed to register for a brief moment as Carl’s head spun. He blinked twice when he stared into the darker man’s eyes…they seemed so familiar. 

Blinking and dropping his gaze from the other man’s he cleared his throat. “I was…you…startled me. I didn’t hear you. You…you…were…just there,” he said, wincing slightly at his stammering babble. 

Gabriel sighed. His own fault, he could have made the man aware of him gradually, but something about the way he gazed out at nothing with a half smile on his face had muddled Gabriel’s mind. 

“You didn’t hear because you were daydreaming,” he said and then grinned slightly, “And talking to yourself.” 

“Oh…bad habit…talking to myself…nervous habit actually.” 

“Why are you nervous?” 

“I’m not…I wasn’t,” he stammered thinking that he might actually tremble like a girl if the dark haired man didn’t let him go. 

“You weren’t,” the dark haired man replied skimming his hands down to Carl’s wrists, felt the jittery bump of his pulse. “Now you are.” 

“You startled me, like I said.” It was a bit of an effort, but he glanced over his shoulder and down. “And…it’s a long drop.” 

“It is that,” he said as he tugged the smaller man away from the edge another few steps. “Better?”

“Yes, well…I’m Carl Avery, I’m renting the MacDonald’s cabin for a while,” he explained, thinking that he’d offer his hand to shake, but it would have been impossible since the other man was still cuffing his wrists. He swallowed and looked up at the taller man. 

“Gabriel Van Helsing,” he said quietly, stroking his thumbs over Carl’s pulse and somehow steadying it. 

“But you’re not from around here.” 

“Aren’t I?” 

“I…mean your accent,” Carl corrected himself, feeling silly since he didn’t have an American accent either. He’d grown up in London before his parents had moved to California when he was a teenager and his accent had never really wavered. 

“One could say the same about you,” Gabriel answered, his lips curving into a smile. 

Carl nearly sighed like a teenage girl with a crush as he stared at the other man. Shaking his head, he tried to focus on Gabriel’s words. 

“I moved here a few years ago from Wales myself. I’ve lived here for nearly a year now, my cabin is actually less than half a mile from the MacDonalds' cabin,” Gabriel explained. 

“You know the MacDonalds then?” 

“Well enough. We’re what you might call distant relations.” His smile was gone now and he released the smaller man’s wrists. Carl’s eyes were as blue as the ocean he’d been staring into, and as Gabriel looked into them he found no guile at all, only a unique sort of innocence that was refreshing. 

“They didn’t tell me I’d have a neighbor so close by,” Carl said, feeling awkward now that Gabriel had released his hands. What…is it you do up here?” 

“As I choose. You’ll want to do the same. It’ll be a good change for you.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You haven’t done what you pleased often enough have you, Carl?” 

Carl shivered and stuffed his hands in his pockets. The sun was already dipping down toward the horizon and he could have blamed that for the sudden chill. “I guess I’ll have to be careful what I say to myself with a quiet-footed neighbor about.” 

“Nearly a half mile between us should be more than enough. I like my solitude.” Gabriel said firmly, and though it was ridiculous, it seemed to Carl he wasn’t speaking to him but to someone... something in the darkening woods beyond. Then Gabriel’s gaze slipped back to Carl’s. “And I won’t infringe on yours.” 

“I didn’t mean to be unfriendly.” Carl said trying to smile; he hadn’t meant to irritate the other man. “I’ve always lived in the city with so many neighbors I barely noticed any of them.” 

“It doesn’t suit you,” Gabriel murmured half to himself. 

“What?” 

“The city. It doesn’t suit you or you wouldn’t be here, would you?” And what in bloody hell did it matter to him what suited Carl? He asked himself. He’d be nothing to him unless he decided differently. It *was* still his decision. 

“I’m just…taking a little time to myself.” 

“Well, there’s plenty of it here. Do you know your way back?” 

“Back? Oh, to the cabin? Yes. I take the path to the right and follow the stream.” 

“Don’t linger long,” Gabriel said, turning and starting down the rocks then pausing briefly to glance up at Carl. “Night comes quickly here this time of year, and it’s easy to get lost in the dark. In the unfamiliar.” 

“No. I’ll start back soon. Mr. Van Helsing…Gabriel?”

Gabriel stopped again and looked back up at him and Carl thought he caught the quick shadow of impatience in his gaze. “Yes?” 

“I was wondering…where’s your dog? The big black one?”

Gabriel’s grin was so fast, so bright and amused that Carl found himself beaming back at him. “I’ve no dog.” 

“But...I thought…are there other cabins nearby?” 

“Not for three miles or more. We’re what’s here, Carl. And what lives in the forest between us.” He saw Carl glance uneasily at the trees and softened slightly. “Nothing that’s there will harm you. Enjoy your walk home, and your time here.” 

Before Carl could think of another way to stop him, Gabriel stepped into the woods and was swallowed up by the trees. It was then that he noticed just how quickly twilight had fallen, and just how chilly the air had become. Abandoning pride, he scrambled down the cliff path and called out. 

“Gabriel? Wait a minute, would you? I’ll walk back with you a bit!” But his own voice echoed back, turning his throat dry. Carl moved quickly down the path certain he’d catch a glimpse of the other man in the trees. He was sure the breeze off the ocean had whipped his words away and Gabriel just hadn’t heard him. As he moved forward along the path into the trees there was nothing left but deep shadows, not even the rustling of leaves where Gabriel had passed. 

“Well damn. Not only quiet, but fast,” he mumbled to himself. “Okay…nothing in here that wasn’t here when there was more light. Just go back the way you came and stop being an idiot.” 

The deeper he moved into the forest the thicker the shadows, and he could have sworn he heard music. “Just a radio, or a TV. Sound travels oddly in some places that is all. Gabriel is probably watching TV at his place now. It just seemed…that it was coming from his own cabin but maybe the wind was just playing tricks... or his mind was. 

Carl sighed heavily in relief as he came around the last bend of the stream but then his breath froze in his throat as he saw the glint of gold eyes peering out of the shadows. Then with a rustle of leaves, they were gone again. 

Carl increased his pace to a jog and didn’t break stride until he’d reached the door. He wasn’t sure he even started to breathe again until he was inside and securely locked within the cabin. 

Moving quickly he began switching on lights until the first floor of the cabin blazed with them. Then he went to the kitchen, grabbed a beer and took a long drink, trying to ignore how much his hands were shaking. Raising the bottle in a mock toast he whispered, “To strange beginnings, mysterious neighbors, and big invisible dogs.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

A little later that evening, Carl made himself a can of soup and stood in the kitchen, staring out the window into the darkness as he ate. His mind kept drifting to a man with shoulder-length dark hair, standing on a windswept cliff overlooking the sea and smiling at him. 

Carl sighed, wishing he’d been clever and had known a way to flirt a bit, to speak casually so that he might have gotten Gabriel to look at him with interest rather than annoyance and amusement. 

Which was ridiculous, he told himself, Gabriel Van Helsing was certainly not wasting his time thinking of Carl. So it was pointless to think of him. 

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Carl set about straightening up the kitchen a bit and then switched off lights as he went upstairs. He took a quick shower and changed into his pajamas before curling up in bed with a book. 

Within ten minutes he was asleep with the lights still on, his book resting against his chest. He dreamed of a sleek black wolf padding silently into his room, and watching him from curious gold eyes as he slept. In his dream, it seemed as if the wolf spoke to him, the wolf's mind to his.

//I wasn't looking for you. Not yet. You don’t know what you are getting yourself into. Go back to your safe world, Carl Avery. Mine isn't for you.// 

The only answer Carl could make was that he only wanted time. 

The wolf came closer to the bed, so close that Carl's hand nearly brushed his head. //If you take time here, it may trap us both. Is that a risk you're willing to take?// Unable to resist, Carl's hand slid into the warm fur along the wolf's ears. 

//It's time I took one…a chance.// Under Carl's hand the wolf became man. His breath fluttered over the smaller man's face as he leaned close. "If I kissed you now, Carl, what might happen?" 

Carl's body seemed to shimmer with sudden raw need. He moaned with it, arched, and reached out. Gabriel only laid a finger against his lips. "Sleep," he whispered, taking the book from Carl's chest and setting it aside. He switched off the light, closed his hand into a fist as the urge to touch Carl, to really touch him, lanced through him. "Damn it. I don't want this, *he* didn’t ask for this. I don't want him." Though he knew his last statement was a lie, even to his own ears. He flung up his hand in frustration... and vanished. 

Later, much later, Carl dreamed of a wolf, black as midnight on the cliffs over the sea, his head thrown back and calling to the shimmering moon.

~~~~~~~~

Over the course of the next few days, Carl found himself looking for the wolf. He would see him, most often early in the morning or just before twilight, standing at the edge of the trees. 

Watching the house, he thought. Watching him. 

He realized, on those mornings when he didn’t see the wolf, he was disappointed. So much so, that he began leaving food out in hopes to lure him closer, to keep him a regular visitor, in what Carl was starting to consider his own little world. 

The wolf seemed to be on his mind quite a bit, nearly every morning he woke with snippets of dreams just at the edge of his mind. Elusive and fading too quickly to remember much detail most mornings, others he remembered dreams of the wolf sitting by his bed while Carl slept. Dreams where sometimes he reached out to stroke that soft silky fur or feel the strong ridge of muscle along his back. Now and then, the wolf was mixed in his dreams with his neighbor, Gabriel. On those mornings, he climbed out of bed with his system still aching with a sexual frustration that baffled and embarrassed him and no amount of cold showers could send that feeling away until he found release. 

He always felt silly afterwards, as if he should be ashamed of having those thoughts about his neighbor. When he was logical, he could remind himself that Gabriel Van Helsing was the only human being he'd seen in the better part of a week. As a sample of the species, he was spectacular and the perfect fodder for erotic dreams. It was only natural that he'd dream of him that way. 

He preferred thinking of the wolf, weaving a story about him, pretending that he was somehow his guardian in this new place. Something his parents would have called 'fanciful dreaming' of course. They didn't believe in anything magical, nothing mystical, everything could be explained. The wolf, they would say, was probably not a wolf at all but just a dog who'd been lost from its owner while they were hiking in the forest and now was coming to Carl's house because he left scraps of food out for it. They would be upset with him for that. Would say that he was just inviting trouble; say that strange dogs like that shouldn't be trusted. That he would just as likely bite him, as he would lick him.

The time spent at the cabin so far had been peaceful, and Carl enjoyed the lack of demands on his time. Being able to set his own schedule, work at his own pace, and not have anyone making constant changes was like heaven. Yet at times the loneliness was so acute it hurt. But even when the need for another voice, for human contact pulled at him, he couldn’t quite gather the courage, or find a reasonable excuse, to seek out Gabriel. 

Just to offer him a cup of coffee, or…maybe even a hot meal. A little conversation, he mused, absently toying with the frayed edge of his shirtsleeve. 

“Doesn’t he ever get lonely up here?” he wondered. “What is it that he does all day anyway? He never said what he did for a living.” 

Curiosity got the better of Carl; finishing his coffee, he set the cup in the sink and bounded upstairs to his computer. He doubted he would find anything on Gabriel Van Helsing, but it was worth a shot. Carl pulled up his web browser, typed in the name, and was shocked when the results came up. Gabriel was an author, of horror novels. Carl went to an online bookstore and read about a few of his books. He wasn’t a huge fan of the genre but since the man was his neighbor and he was curious about him, he ordered two of his books that were highly touted on the website. He thought perhaps it might give him some small bit of insight about the mysterious man, whom he had to admit, had been dominating his thoughts almost as much as the wolf. He was disappointed, however, to not find any other information on the man. There was no official website listed for the author, and the bookseller's information was not very revealing either. Fan sites were a plenty, but he knew better than to trust much of what was said on them. 

He sighed, and looked up at the window just as he heard the distant rumble of far-off thunder. Carl powered off his computer and unplugged it just in case. He had too much work on it to risk leaving it plugged in. 

The storm brewing outside had caught his attention anyway and he went downstairs and opened the front door to watch the dark clouds roll and bump in the sky and caught the faint blink of far-off lightening. 

He thought about the metal roof on the cabin and how the rain would sound against it. Perfect for curling up in bed with a book, and later a good night's sleep to the sound of the rain drumming against the roof. 

Smiling to himself at the idea, Carl's gaze shifted, and he found himself looking directly into the glinting eyes of the wolf. Stumbling back a step, he gasped. "You are good at sneaking up on folks," he mused softly. The wolf was halfway across the clearing, closer than he'd ever come before. Wiping his hands nervously on his jeans, Carl cautiously stepped further out onto the porch; regaining the ground he lost backing up.

"Hello again," he said, laughing a little at himself but keeping one hand on the doorknob. Just in case. "You're so beautiful," he murmured while the wolf stood still as a stone carving watching him. "I look for you every day, you know. You never eat the food I leave out. Nothing else does, either. I'm not a very good cook though, so that could be why. I keep wishing you'd come closer." 

As Carl's pulse began to level, he lowered himself slowly into a crouch. "I won't hurt you," he murmured. "I've read up about wolves on the Internet a bit. You've made me curious. You shouldn't be interested in me," he said with a sigh. "You should be running with a pack, with your mate." The sadness hit him so quickly, so sharply, that he closed his eyes against it. "Wolves mate for life," he said quietly, and then jolted when lightening slashed across the sky and an answering bellow of thunder shook the air around them. 

The clearing was suddenly empty. The black wolf was gone. Carl frowned and shook his head, again wondering if it had been his imagination. He walked to the porch swing and sat down, pulling his legs up and resting his chin on his knees as he watched the rain sweep in. He knew logically it was strange for him to have talked to the beast as if it understood him at all. 

~~~~~~~~

Gabriel was thinking about Carl far too much and far too often. It infuriated him *needing* someone else. He had always been alone, and preferred it that way. Not only that, but Gabriel was a man who prided himself on self-control, but in the last few years, control of his magic had begun to slip. It was why he’d chosen to be alone in these woods. He had been taught from an early age that when one possessed power, control must walk with it. That was why the Sonuachar, like Carl, were created. To temper the power that grew within the Treibh Faol as they grew older. 

Gabriel was of a unique race, an ancient race of mystical beings that once walked with the other Fey people of the world. As time marched forward the old ways were lost, the stories falling away into the realm of fairy tales. Few remained of the Treibh Faol, and only a perfectly matched number of the Sonuachar remained. The Treibh Faol were magical, they could read thoughts, cast spells, transform into wolves, and over time as the world had lost so much magic, their kind had all but disappeared. 

The Sonuachar were not magical really, they couldn’t read thoughts, they could in some instances if they had other Fey blood in them, cast minor spells if trained, but their gift was their light, and their soul. Their spirit was a calming influence, which tempered the fiery magic of their mate. 

Each Treibh Faol had a perfect match; a perfect mate in the Sonuachar, and this match was determined by the fates. There was no choice in the matter; their hearts were destined to belong to one another. 

If he accepted Carl, took him now, the decision Gabriel had left home and family to make would be made for him. Gabriel was not just any of the Treibh Faol; he was a prince among them. And if he were to take his rightful place then Carl *must* be at his side. He could not wield so much power without his Sonuachar. 

The problem was Carl was of the Sonuachar bloodline and didn't even know it. Gabriel knew that as the centuries had passed if mates did not find one another, or were killed, that families had intermarried with ordinary people and through the years they had forgotten who they were, what they were. He knew that Carl had no idea what was in his blood, or what was in Gabriel's, nor would anyone sane in this day and age believe it. And Gabriel wasn't sure how he'd tell him. Carl was already so vulnerable, even a little lost. He had come here to get away from being controlled and little did he know that even now he was not in control. The fates were.

As the son of princes Gabriel was expected to accept destiny, but should he expect the same of Carl? 

Alone in his cabin, he continued to think of him. The way he’d looked when he’d come into the clearing earlier as the storm was building. The way fear had danced around him even as he’d stepped closer. 

There was such sweetness in him, and innocence that pulled at him, even as he struggled to stay away. At least in human form, the wolf in him didn’t have such control. That was what frightened him the most. Carl had thought he was putting the wolf at ease, letting him grow accustomed to him by leaving food. Speaking to him in that quiet voice that trembled with nerves. 

Gabriel wondered how many others, alone in what was essentially wilderness, would have the courage or the desire to talk to a wolf, let alone reassure one. 

Carl thought himself a coward—he’d touched the other man’s mind gently, but just enough to scan his thoughts. Carl didn’t have any concept of what he had inside him, hadn’t explored it, or been allowed to. It was why he felt so trapped in his life before. So controlled. 

He sensed a strong sense of family, great loyalty, and pitifully low self-esteem. He knew he was smart, brilliant even, but beyond that he was not confident in his own skin. That fact made Gabriel’s heart twist in his chest. Carl was so much more than he had been taught to be. 

Gabriel shook his head as he sipped coffee and watched the storm. What in God’s name was he supposed to do about Carl? If Carl *knew * who he was, what he was, then it would be easier, but this…worried him. 

If it had just been a matter of giving Carl subtle little pushes to discover himself and his own gifts, that would have been interesting, he supposed. He might have enjoyed the task, but he knew it was a great deal more. 

Already needs were stirring within him, his power was growing and it would destroy him if he didn’t act on this between he and Carl. But working out how he was to do it was another matter entirely. 

In the end, it was simple, he required his mate if he were to survive, at least in this form. Carl, however, did not *need* him, he would be more fulfilled in his life with his destined mate, but he did not *need* Gabriel to survive. Maybe…it would be best to let him go? His thought was answered by the wind. 

//Love waits.//

He set his teeth, set his cup down with a snap of china on wood as the whisper floated over him. 

“Damn it. I’ll deal with it, with him, in my own time, or not at all. Leave me be!” 

In the dark window glass he saw his own reflection and then lightening slashed out of the sky, driving down like a lance to stab the ground. It left no mark, no burn, even as thunder roared behind it. Gabriel understood it was the fates way of telling him to stop wasting time. 

“All right then. Bloody hell. I’ll have a look and see how well he’s riding out the storm.” 

He turned, focused, and then flicked a wrist, jabbing a finger at the cold hearth. The fire leaped, though there was no log, no kindling to burn. 

He dipped his hands into his pockets as the flames settled, steadied. In the cool gold light, shadows shifted, parted, and then opened to him. 

He saw Carl carrying a candle through the dark, his big blue eyes wide with worry. He fumbled through drawers in his kitchen, talking to himself, as he was prone to do. And then Gabriel saw him jolt like a frightened deer when the next flash of lightening broke the night, striking close to the cabin. 

Hadn’t the Realtor told him how to work the little generator? Apparently not. Gabriel sighed heavily. They probably didn’t want a new tenant to know how nasty the storms were that rolled in off the ocean here. 

He could hardly leave Carl there like that, without power, in the cold, shivering and stumbling around. Which, he supposed with a sour smile, was exactly what the meddling fates wanted. 

He’d make sure Carl had light, and heat, but that would be the end of it. He wouldn’t…couldn’t…linger. He wanted Carl too much for that already, and in the end, he wanted Carl to *know* what he was getting himself into if he accepted Gabriel. 

~~~~~~~~

“Just a storm, it’s just a storm. No big deal.” Carl all but chanted the words as he lit more candles. 

He wasn’t afraid of the dark, or storms, not really. But it was just so DAMN dark, and the lightening had struck so close to the cabin. The thunder had rattled the windows until he was certain they’d burst from their panes. They didn’t have storms like *this* in Los Angeles. 

And if he hadn’t been sitting outside, daydreaming again while the storm blew in, he’d have had a fire built by now. He’d have the warmth and light from that and the candlelight, and it would have been sort of…cozy. 

And now the power was out, the phones were out, and the storm appeared to be at its climax directly over his little cabin. 

“Ok. All right,” he mumbled to himself and set yet one more candle on the table in front of the sofa. Rubbing his chilled hands together, he sighed. “I ought to be able to see enough to get a fire going now. Then I’ll just curl up right here on the couch and wait out the storm. It’ll be fine.” 

But even has he crouched in front of the hearth and began to arrange the kindling, the wind howled. His front door banged open like a bullet out of a gun and half the cheery candles behind him blew out. 

Carl leaped up, whirled around and nearly screamed. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" he shouted, his hand over his heart. "You just took ten years off my life!" he added as he realized who was standing in his doorway. Gabriel stood a few paces away, the wind swirling through his hair, the candlelight that was left gleaming in his eyes. 

Carl dropped the kindling he was still holding on his sock covered feet, yelped and fell backward into a chair. 

"I seem to have startled you again," Gabriel said in a mild tone. "Sorry." 

"I-you. God! The door…" Carl stammered in shock. 

“It’s open.” Gabriel turned, and closed out the wind and rain. 

Carl was certain he’d locked it when he came back inside earlier. Obviously not, he thought now and did his best to swallow his heart and get it back in its proper place. 

“I thought you might have been having some trouble with the storm,” Gabriel said, stepping toward Carl, each movement graceful as a dancer’s…or a stalking wolf. “It seems I was right.” 

“Power’s out,” was all Carl could manage. 

“So I see. You’re cold.” Gabriel picked up the scattered kindling and crouched to build a fire with wood and match. He thought that Carl had had enough surprises for one night, even if it did take quite a bit longer that way. 

“I wanted to get some light before I built a fire. You know…first things first,” Carl said, frowning at the other man’s back. //Does he think I’m too inept to build my own fire?// 

“Naturally,” Gabriel murmured. The kindling caught with a quick crackle, and the flames licked obligingly at the logs he’d arranged. “This’ll warm the room soon. There’s a small generator out back. I’ve started it before; it’s a bit tricky. Mrs. MacDonald had trouble with it in the past when her husband was away and so I’ve a bit of experience getting the thing going. I can start it for you if you like,” Gabriel explained. 

Carl sighed. //Obviously he does think I’m too inept to build a fire OR start a generator. What kind of loser does he think I am?// Then his eyes lifted to Gabriel in front of the fireplace. The firelight was dancing over his handsome face, and looking at him, Carl forgot all about the storm, his anger, and even his worries. He found himself wondering if all that gorgeous dark hair that fell nearly to Gabriel’s shoulders was as soft as it looked. Wondered why it seemed that he knew exactly how it would feel under his fingers. 

Why he had an image of him leaning close, his mouth a breath away from Carl’s. Only a breath away… 

“You’re daydreaming again, Carl.” 

“Oh.” He blinked, flushed from the thoughts and shook himself. “Sorry. The…storm’s made me jumpy. Would you like some coffee? I made some earlier, it might still be warm at least.” He pushed himself up, began backing quickly toward the kitchen. “I’m sure it’ll still taste fine. I’ll just…pour us some. Won’t be a minute.” 

For God’s sake, he berated himself as he dashed into the kitchen like a frightened rabbit. Why did being around Gabriel make him so stupid? 

A half-dozen candles glowed on the kitchen counter and Carl checked to see if the coffee was still at least drinkable. It was cool, but not terribly so. He got out two cups and poured. When he turned, a cup in each hand, Gabriel was there just behind him, and he jolted like that day on the cliff. 

Coffee sloshed over the rim and onto the back of his hand. 

"MUST you do that!?" he snapped before he could stop himself, then watched that fast, fabulous grin flash over Gabriel's face, bright and as blinding as the lightening in the storm. 

"I suppose not." Ah, the hell with it, he decided, he knew that Carl hadn't been burned but he was entitled to at least some small pleasures in life. With his eyes on Carl's, Gabriel lifted one of Carl's hands and then examined it carefully. 

"I'm sorry, that was careless of me. It wasn't terribly hot was it? No burns?" he asked, studying Carl's hand. 

"I…I…no, just surprised me," he whispered softly, then whimpered as instead of grabbing the nearby towel on the counter Gabriel bent his head and licked…slowly across the back of Carl's hand. 

"You're right, it wasn't terribly hot," he whispered, picking up the cup nearest him and letting Carl's hand drop away. 

Taking a sip of the coffee, he smiled. "You've beautiful eyes, Carl. I've thought of that since I last saw you. Pity it's too dark to see them clearly now." 

Carl blinked, confused by Gabriel’s actions and his words. "You…have?"

"Did you think I wouldn't…think of you?" 

"Well…well…umm." Carl stammered, unsure how to answer *that*. 

The smaller man was so obviously befuddled it was tempting to press his advantage, to go with the urge grinding inside him. To take before Carl knew what he wanted and what he might refuse to want. Just one step closer, he mused, the slow slide of his fingers around the base of the other man's neck where the flesh was warm and smooth. Fragile there. His mouth over Carl's while the taste of him was still mixed with the strong flavor of cooled coffee on his tongue. 

And Gabriel wouldn't be in the mood to leave it at something quite so simple, or quite so innocent. The wolf within him growled and he tamped it back down. //Not yet.// 

"Come in by the fire, Carl." Gabriel stepped back and allowed him room to pass. "Where it's warmer." 

Carl was stunned for a moment. He recognized the ache spreading through him. The same ache, he thought, that he woke with whenever he dreamed of Gabriel. He took a deep breath and moved past him, into the living room, and prayed that he could think of something to say that wouldn’t sound idiotic. 

“If you came here to relax,” Gabriel began with just a hint of impatience in his voice, “you’re doing a poor job of it. Sit down, relax, and stop worrying. The storm won’t stay long and neither will I.” 

“The storm doesn’t scare me…really. Just, was taken by surprise by how fierce it is. And, I…like the company. I’m not used to being alone for such long stretches of time.” 

Carl sat, managing a small smile. Gabriel stood by the fire, leaning against the mantel, watching him. Watching in such a way that reminded him of…

“Isn’t that why you came here?” Gabriel said to interrupt Carl’s thoughts before they inched too close to what he wasn’t prepared to know. “To have time alone?” 

“Yes. And I like it. But it’s odd just the same. I was around a lot of people before, seemed to always be surrounded by them, nearly suffocating at times, but I’m still trying to get used to…the solitude.” 

“Do you like them?” 

“Like who?” 

“People.” Gabriel made a vague and oddly dismissive gesture with one elegant hand. “I mean, in general.” 

“Why…yes. I suppose.” Carl laughed a little, leaning back in his chair without being aware he’d started to relax, the knots of tension in his shoulders slipping away. “Don’t you?” 

“Not particularly—as a rule.” Gabriel took a sip of coffee. “So many of them are demanding, selfish, self-absorbed. And while that’s not so much of a problem, they often hurt each other quite consciously, quite carelessly. There’s no point, and there should be no pride in causing another harm.” 

“Most people don’t mean to,” he said, seeing the light in Gabriel’s eyes and laughing. “Oh, you’re cynical. I can’t understand cynics.” 

“That’s because you’re a romantic, Carl. And a naïve one at that, but it’s charming on you.” 

“Now, I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted,” he wondered aloud, smiling with more ease than he’d ever felt with Gabriel, even when the taller man moved to sit on the ottoman in front of his chair. 

“Truth can be accepted without either being flattering or insulting. It was simply an observation. What was it you did to have so many people around you all the time?” 

“Well, what’s more boring than being an accountant?” Carl asked with a grin. 

“An accountant…I wouldn’t have guessed that,” Gabriel said, surprised he had read him so wrong. He was certain Carl was more creative than that. 

Carl laughed and shook his head, “No, I asked what is more boring than being an accountant? I’m a computer programmer; I used to work for my father’s software company making programs for accountants. That’s why I said that. There is nothing more boring in the world than making accounting software. Safe, pedestrian, and pays the bills…but boring as watching paint dry.” 

Gabriel laughed and shook his head. “And now? You said you used to work for your father’s company, so what do you do now?” 

“I’m working for a small software company out of Seattle, freelance I guess. Designing a computer game. My father thought that was a ‘frivolous waste of my talents’ but, it’s fun, creative, and…they pay quite well,” he explained. 

“What sort of game?” Gabriel asked, enjoying the way Carl had relaxed with him. 

“Fantasy, you know the sort, based on myths and legends.” Carl shrugged. 

“And this…research for the game?” Gabriel asked, picking up a sheath of papers from the coffee table. 

Carl stared at the printed pages and shook his head. “Um, no. I looked that up the other day.” In a habitual gesture he brushed the hair back from his forehead. “You must have seen him.” He eased forward, the delight in his large blue eyes nearly irresistible. “You know, the black wolf that comes around.” 

Gabriel’s eyes dropped away from Carl’s to look into his cup. “I can’t say that I have.” 

“Oh, but I’ve seen him nearly every day since I came here. He’s gorgeous, and he doesn’t seem as wary of people as you’d expect. He came into the clearing right before the storm tonight. And sometimes I hear him calling, or it seems I do. Haven’t you?” Carl explained, surprised that Gabriel had been here so long and not seen the beautiful beast. 

“I’m closer to the sea,” he answered. “That’s what I listen to. A wolf is a wild thing, Carl, as I’m sure these pages told you. And a rogue, one who runs alone, well that would be the wildest of all.” 

“I wouldn’t want to tame him. I’d say we’re just curious about each other at this point.” Carl glanced toward the window, wondered if the wolf had found a warm dry place for the night. “They don’t hunt for sport,” he added, absently toying with his sleeve. “Or out of viciousness. They hunt to feed. Most often they live in packs, families. Protect their young, and—“ he broke off, jumping a little when lightening flashed bright and close again. 

“Nature’s a violent thing. It only tolerates the rest of us. Nature can be generous or ruthless.” Gabriel set the papers aside. “You have to have a care how you deal with it, and you’ll never understand it.” 

Their knees were brushing, their bodies close. Carl caught the slightest scent of the other man, sharply male, and almost animal, and absolutely dangerous.

Gabriel’s lips curved into a smile and he nodded. “Exactly so,” he murmured to himself, and then set his cup aside and rose. “I’ll start that generator for you. You’ll be happier with some electricity I’m sure.” 

“I suppose you’re right,” Carl said, getting to his feet, wondering why his heart was suddenly pounding. It had nothing to do with the storm raging outside now, and everything to do with the one so rapidly brewing inside him. “Thank you for the help. I could have waited it out, but…thank you.” 

“It’s not a problem.” He wasn’t going to let it be a problem either. “It’ll only be a moment. It was good coffee even if a bit cold,” he murmured, letting his fingers trail lightly over Carl’s shoulder before walking to the kitchen. 

It took Carl ten long seconds to get his breath back for some reason after Gabriel touched his shoulder. How could the man cause that sort of reaction in him from just a light friendly touch? Just as he stepped into the kitchen, the lights flashed on, making him yelp and laugh at himself. Even as he laughed, he wondered how the other man moved so damn fast. The kitchen was empty, the lights cheerfully glowing and it was as if Gabriel had never been there. 

Carl pulled open the back door and winced when the wind and rain lashed at him. Shivering a little, he leaned out. “Gabriel?” But there was nothing but the rain and the dark. “Don’t go,” he murmured, leaning on the door jamb as the rain blew in the small porch and soaked his shirt. 

The next burst of lightening shot the forest into bright relief. And gleamed off the coat of the wolf that stood in the driving rain at the foot of the steps. 

“God!” Carl fumbled for the porch light and flicked it on. He was still there, his coat sparkling in the light, his eyes patiently watching. Carl licked his lips, took a slow step back. “You…you should come in out of the rain.” 

A thrill sprinted up his spine as the wolf leapt gracefully onto the porch. Carl didn’t realize he was holding his breath until damp fur brushed against his leg and he released it with a shiver. 

“Well.” Trembling a little, he turned so they watched each other. “There’s a wolf in the house. An incredibly handsome wolf at that,” he murmured and found himself not thinking twice about shutting the door and closing them inside together. “Um, I’m going to go in…” he gestured vaguely and broke off. He was charmed and baffled when the wolf simply swung around and stalked through the doorway to the living room. Carl followed to see him walk to the fire, settle himself and then look back at him as if waiting. 

“Smart aren’t you?” he murmured. Approaching cautiously, his gaze never left the wolf’s. He lowered himself to the ottoman and smiled. “Do you belong to anyone?” Carl asked, lifting his hand, his fingers itching to touch. He waited for a growl, a snarl, a warning of some sort. When none came, he lightly laid his hand on the wolf’s head. “No, you wouldn’t belong to anyone but yourself would you? That’s how it is for beautiful creatures like you.” 

When Carl’s fingers stroked down to the wolf’s neck, rubbing gently, the beast’s eyes narrowed. Carl thought he recognized pleasure in them and smiled a little. “You like that? Me, too. Touching is as good as being touched I think. And…no one’s really touched me for so long...but…you don’t want to hear the story of my boring life. It’s not very interesting, but I bet yours would be,” he mused. “I bet you’d have fascinating tales to tell.” 

The wolf smelled of the forest, of the rain. His scent was of animal, but not like a wet dog would smell really. And oddly, he smelled of something…familiar. Carl grew bolder with his touch, running his hands down the wolf’s back, over his flanks, and back to his head. “You’ll dry here by the fire,” he began, then his hand paused in mid-stroke, his brows drew together. 

“He wasn’t that wet,” he said to himself quietly. “You came through the rain, but…you aren’t soaked.” He puzzled, staring out the window into the dark. Gabriel’s hair was as black as the wolf’s fur, but it hadn’t gleamed with rain or damp when he had arrived…had it? 

“How could that be? Even if he’d driven over here…he’d have had to get wet from the car to the door, and…” 

Carl trailed off when the wolf moved closer, when the handsome head nuzzled against his thigh he forgot his thoughts and smiled. “You really do like that don’t you? Maybe you’re lonely too, huh?” 

And so Carl sat with the wolf until the storm shifted back out to sea, the thunder quieting, and the whips of rain and wind turned to gentle patters. 

It didn’t surprise Carl that the wolf walked through the house with him. Somehow it seemed perfectly natural that the animal accompany him as he switched off lights, blew out a few remaining candles and made his way upstairs to his bedroom. 

“I really do love it here,” Carl said quietly, as he knelt before the fireplace in the bedroom. The fire caught and he sat back on his heels and turned to the wolf, smiling a little. They were eye-to-eye now, deep blue to dark gold. Reaching out, he skimmed his hand under the powerful jaw, rubbing the silken line of his throat. “No one would believe me if I told them I was in a cabin in Washington state talking to a big, black, gorgeous wolf. And then again…maybe I’m just dreaming. I do that a lot,” he said as he rose. “Maybe everyone is right that I dream too much.” 

Carl crossed to the dresser and took a pair of pajamas from the top drawer. “I guess it’s pretty pitiful when your dreams are the most interesting part of your life. I really want to change that. I don’t mean to climb mountains or jump out of planes or anything…” 

Gabriel stopped listening—and he had listened all along. But now, as Carl spoke, he was tugging his shirt up over his head, and the words simply seemed to fade away from his mind. 

Carl was more beautiful than he’d ever imagined he’d be underneath his clothes. He obviously worked out a bit, he wasn’t overly muscled but just enough, and though he was slender his shoulders were wider than the baggy sweatshirts Gabriel had always seen him in had revealed. 

He had soft looking golden curls across his chest, and the wolf nearly groaned with the thought of running his tongue through the soft hairs. He watched silently as Carl’s hands slid to his waist unbuttoning his jeans. His blood warmed, and his pulse quickened as the worn denim slid down strong legs. 

The white of his boxers seemed stark against his skin, and Gabriel wanted his mouth there, just along the curve of Carl’s hip. He wanted to taste the flesh, to feel the shape of bone, and to slide his tongue under the material until Carl whimpered beneath him. 

Carl sat, tugging off his socks and shaking his feet free of his jeans. When he stood and laid them aside, the low growl in the wolf’s throat went unnoticed by both of them. Gabriel felt his control slipping as he imagined pulling the smaller body against his own, skimming his hands over warm skin. Lowering his head until his mouth was—

The sudden violent slash of lightening outside made Carl jump. “God! The storm must be coming back. I thought it had gone back out to sea already…” he stopped in mid sentence as he glanced over, saw those gold eyes glinting. In an instinctive gesture, he picked up his jeans again and held them in front of him, feeling slightly silly. 

The wolf’s eyes looked so…human, he thought with a quick panic, the expression in the golden pools, dark and hungry. “Why do I suddenly feel like Little Red Riding Hood?” he whispered. 

He shook his head and tossed the jeans back down on the chair. “Imagining things again, Carl.” 

He leaned over and grabbed for his pajamas sitting on the bed. Carl made a sort of squeak of surprise when the wolf caught a dangling sleeve in his teeth and dragged it away. 

A laugh bubbled up and out before Carl could help himself. He grabbed the collar of the cotton pajama top and pulled. The quick, unexpected tug-of-war made him laugh again. “You think this is funny?” he demanded. Damn if he didn’t see amusement in those fascinating eyes. “It’s cold in here, now let go!” 

When the wolf did, abruptly, he stumbled back two paces before he caught his balance again. Wearing nothing but his boxers Carl narrowed his eyes at the wolf. “A real joker, aren’t you?” he held the shirt up, searching for tears or teeth marks, and found none. “Well, at least you didn’t eat it.” 

The wolf watched in disappointment as Carl dressed again. There was something, however, that was erotic even in that, and he moved closer. Before Carl was able to drag on the bottoms, Gabriel pleased himself by shifting his head, running his tongue from Carl’s ankle to the back of his knee. 

Carl chuckled, bent down to scratch the wolf’s ears as though he were the family dog. “I like you, too.” After pulling the bottoms on, he looked toward the bed as he absently tied them. He watched as the wolf padded over, leapt up and stretched out at the foot. 

“Oh, I don’t think so.” Amused, Carl crossed his arms over his chest. “I really don’t. You’ll have to get down from there.” 

The wolf watched, unblinking and Carl would have sworn he smiled. Huffing out a breath, Carl shook his head and walked to the side of the bed. In his best ‘head of the department voice’ he ordered the wolf down and pointed meaningfully at the floor in front of the fireplace. 

This time he KNEW the wolf smiled. 

“You’re NOT sleeping in the bed,” he grumbled, reaching out and intending to pull the wolf off. But when the animal bared his teeth for the first time ever, he cleared his throat. “Well…I don’t guess one night would hurt anything.” 

Watching the wolf cautiously, Carl climbed into bed, sliding under the comforter. The wolf simply lay; his head snuggled between his front paws, watching the man. Carl picked up his book, shrugging when the wolf lay still. Satisfied, he piled the pillows behind himself and settled in to read. 

Only moments later, the mattress shifted, and the wolf moved over to lie at his side, laying his head in Carl’s lap. Without a thought, Carl stroked him and began to read aloud. 

He read until his eyes grew heavy, his voice thick, and once more slipped into sleep with a book in his hand. 

The air quivered as wolf became man. Gabriel touched a finger to Carl’s forehead. “Dream, Carl,” he murmured, pausing as he felt the smaller man slide deeper into sleep. He took the book, and set it neatly on the bedside table. Then he eased the sleeping man down, lifting his head so he could spread out the pillows. 

“You must be waking every morning stiff as a board,” he whispered. “Forever falling asleep sitting up.” He skimmed the back of his hand over Carl’s cheek and sighed. 

The scent of Carl was sweet and tantalizing and just subtle enough to drive him mad. Each quiet breath through those full parted lips was a kind of invitation. 

“Damn it, Carl, you lie in bed with me with the rain on the roof and read Yeats aloud in that soft voice of yours. How could I resist that? I’ll have to have you sooner or later. Later is the better for both of us. But I need something tonight.” 

He took Carl’s hand, pressed palm-to-palm, linked fingers and shut his eyes. “Come with me, two minds, one dream. Sleep is not now what it seems. Give what I need, and take what you’ll have from me,” he whispered the spell. 

Carl moaned, and moved. His free arm flung up over his head, his lips parted in a shuddering breath that seemed to whisper in Gabriel’s blood. His own pulse quickened as he made love to Carl with his mind. Tasted him, touched him with his thoughts and gave himself to Carl. 

Lost in dreams, Carl arched up, his body shuddering under phantom hands. He could smell Gabriel, that musky, half-animal scent that had already stirred him more than once in dreams. Images, sensations, desire, confused and tangled and arousing beyond belief swarmed through him. Embracing them, he murmured Gabriel’s name, and opened to him, body and mind. 

The hot wave of Gabriel’s thoughts lifted him up, held him trembling, aching, quivering, and then stabbed him with unspeakable pleasure. Carl heard his name, said quietly, almost desperately. Repeated. Desire drugged the mind, swirled through it, and then slid silently away into fulfillment. 

Gabriel sat, his eyes still closed, his hand still joined with Carl’s. He listened to the rain, to Carl’s soft and steady breathing. Resisting the urge to lie with him, to touch him now with more than his mind, Gabriel threw back his head and with a frustrated sigh vanished.

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 3

Carl woke early, blissfully relaxed. His body felt as if it were floating he was so relaxed. His mind was calm, clear and content for the first time in ages. Carl was out of bed and in the shower before he remembered anything. Then with a muted curse, he jumped out, dripping, grabbed a towel and ran into the bedroom. 

The bed was empty. There was no beautiful wolf curled in front of the cold fire. Ignoring the water sliding down his legs, he rushed downstairs, searching the house and leaving a trail of wet footprints behind him. 

The kitchen door hung open, letting in the chill of the morning. Still he stepped out, his toes curled from the cold as he scanned the line of trees. 

How did he get out—and where did he go? He wondered. Since when do wolves open doors?

He hadn’t imagined it. No, he refused to believe that his imagination could create such clear images, such textures, and such events. That would make him crazy, wouldn’t it? He thought with a half laugh as he backed inside again and closed the door. 

The wolf HAD been in the house. He’d sat with him, stayed next to Carl. Even slept on the bed. He could remember exactly the feel of his fur, the scent of rain and wild on it. The expressions in his eyes, and the warmth, the simple comfort, when he’d laid his head in Carl’s lap. 

However…unusual the evening, it HAD happened. However odd his own actions, letting the creature in, petting it, he HAD done so. 

And if he’d had a brain cell in his head, he’d have thought to grab his digital camera and taken a few pictures of him.

To prove what? To show to whom? The wolf, he realized, was his personal and private joy. He didn’t want to share him…with anyone. 

He went back upstairs, back to the shower, wondering how long it would be before the wolf came back again. 

He caught himself singing in the shower and grinned. He couldn’t remember ever waking up happier or with more energy. And wasn’t that part of the plan? He thought as he lifted his face to the spray and let the hot water stream over him. To find out just what made him happy. If it happened to be spending a stormy night with a wolf…so what? 

“Try to explain that one, Carl,” he said, laughing at himself as he toweled off. He started to wipe the steam from the bathroom mirror, then paused, staring at his own reflection. 

Did he look different? He wondered, leaning closer to study his own face. Nothing different really except…the light in his eyes. 

What had put that there? He lifted his hand, running his fingers curiously along the ridge of his cheekbones just under his eyes. Then memory flooded back. Dreams. His fingers trembled slightly as he dropped them. Hot and shivering dreams though he hadn’t awoken aroused…he’d awoken as if sated. The memory of colors and shapes pulsing through his mind, through his body came back to him. It was all so stunning, so…erotic. Hands on his chest, his back, his hips, the inside of his thighs, a hot slick mouth on his arousal...but…not. A mouth crushing down on his but never really touching. 

Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on where he had journeyed in sleep. The taste of sweat-slick skin, the hot slide of it over his own. Needs rocketing through the mind to be met and met again until it brought him to the edge of oblivion. He’d never experienced anything like that, not even in life…how could he have found it in dreams? 

And why would he go to sleep with a wolf and dream of a man…of…Gabriel. 

He knew it was Gabriel. He could all but feel the shape of his mouth on his own. But how could that be? He wondered, tracing a fingertip over his lips. How could he be so SURE he knew just what it felt like to meet Gabriel’s mouth with his? 

“Because you want to,” he murmured to himself. Opening his eyes to meet those in the mirror again. “Because you want him and you’ve never wanted anyone else like this. And, Carl, you moron, you don’t have the slightest idea how to make it happen, except in your dreams. So that’s where it happens for you. Psychology 101—real basic stuff.” 

Not certain if he should be amused or appalled at himself, he dressed, went down to start his morning coffee and opened the window to let in the cool, fresh air the rain left behind. 

He gave a thought to breakfast, and began preparing it. Once he was done, Carl straightened up the kitchen a bit and sat down at the kitchen table scribbling an idea for the game on a notepad. When the phone rang, he jumped. 

“Hello?” 

“Carl! Good morning.” 

For a moment the voice meant nothing to him, then with a guilty start he realized it was Lucas. “Good morning.” 

“I hope I didn’t wake you?” 

“No. I’ve been up a while. Just had breakfast.”

“Glad to hear it. You tend to skip too many meals.” 

Carl sighed. “Not this time. Maybe the mountain air…stimulates my appetite.” 

“You don’t sound like yourself.” 

“Really?” I’m not myself he wanted to say. I’m better than I’ve ever been. And I’m not coming home. 

“Are you sure you’re all right up there? I heard there was a big storm last night.” 

Carl rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. The storm was... interesting, but it’s a beautiful morning now. And I was just working on an idea so…” 

“I tried to call last night but the lines were out.” 

“Yeah, power went out, and the phones, but obviously it’s all back on now.” Carl said, his good mood fading quickly. 

“I was worried. If I hadn’t been able to reach you this morning I was going to fly up and rent a car.” 

“No! I mean…there’s no need, Lucas. I’m fine. The storm was like I said interesting, and I have a generator, emergency lights ya know?” 

“I don’t like thinking of you up there all alone. Some little rustic hut in the middle of nowhere, you’ve never been very adept at changing a flat and things like that.” 

“Lucas, I don’t have a flat, my tires are fine. I’m FINE. I don’t want or need visitors right now-- I’m working. And I’m NOT coming home. I already told you and my folks that. I’ve already told you that I’m finished,” //WE are finished, Lucas.// Carl closed his eyes and wished that he could make Lucas accept that, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. “Look I have two PhD’s and I’m in perfect health and the entire purpose of my coming here was to get away from everyone. To be alone. To WORK. We broke up months ago, Lucas, and I’m glad that we remained friends, but you have to stop being so…stop…just stop worrying about me so much.” Carl said losing steam. 

There was a moment’s silence, a moment just long enough to let him know he’d hurt Lucas’ feelings. And more than long enough to bring him a swift wash of guilt for being so short with him. “Lucas…” 

“I’d hoped you’d be ready to come home, but that apparently isn’t the case. I miss you, Carl. Your family misses you. I only wanted to let you know that. We may have broken up but that was YOUR decision, I do still care about you.” 

“I’m sorry.” How many times in his life had Carl said those words? He wondered as he pressed his fingers to the dull ache forming in his temple. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, Lucas. I suppose I feel a little defensive. I’m not ready to come back, I’m not sure I’ll *ever* come back. If you speak to my folks, just tell them I’ll call them later tonight and that I’m perfectly fine.” 

“I’ll see your father later today for a board meeting.” His voice was stiff now, his way of letting Carl know he was hurt. “I’ll tell him then. Just…keep in touch?” 

“I will. I will. It was nice of you to call though…I’ll…send you an email later.” 

“I’d enjoy that. Bye, Carl.” 

His cheerful mood had totally evaporated in the space of a less than ten-minute phone call. 

Carl sat at the table and tried to concentrate on the notes he’d been making but failed miserably. He sighed and pushed his notes away. “I’m not going to brood. Absolutely not.” He stood up and glanced around the kitchen. Spotting a tin of cookies he’d purchased a few days before at the little town ten miles away where he got his mail, he smiled. 

Before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed the tin and a light jacket from the hook by the door. Tucking the container under his arm, he stepped outside. 

He didn’t have a clue where Gabriel’s cabin was, but he’d said he was closer to the sea. It only made sense to hunt it out, he decided. He’d take a long walk, and if he didn’t find it, oh well. Shaking the cookies he almost laughed at the thought. At least he wouldn’t starve. 

He felt silly, if he did find Gabriel’s cabin he’d offer him *cookies*? Carl almost rolled his eyes at himself but decided it was the only way he knew to thank the man. He didn’t know much at all about Gabriel, and…not many people disliked sweets. So it stood to reason that was the best way to thank him, and after the call from Lucas, Carl simply had to get away from the cabin. 

The deeper he walked into the forest the better his mood was. The funk that had settled over him from the earlier phone call had finally started to lift. He paused briefly and listened to the wind in the trees. God, it was always so peaceful here. How do you explain the wind? He wondered. Someone like Lucas would never understand. His every step was logical, and ordered, and reasonable...solid was what his father called Lucas. His parents hadn’t been jumping for joy when Carl had come out, but they were at least supportive, and when he met Lucas his father in particular was supportive of that relationship. Carl never really understood why. Maybe it was because they saw Lucas as someone that could ‘settle’ their dreamer of a son? 

Thinking of Lucas and his parents, Carl sighed. How could he make them, or anyone else from the world he’d run from, understand what it was like to crave something as intangible as the sound of trees singing in the wind? 

“I’m never going back there,” he said firmly as he walked. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of white. Turning, he stared with open-mouthed wonder at a beautiful white tail deer. 

They simply watched each other in silent fascination and Carl stepped forward. The deer stood for only a moment before leaping into the trees. Carl’s curiosity getting the better of him, he scrambled up a small embankment and followed the deer. He soon found himself on another well-worn path in the woods and followed it slowly. The deer had disappeared, and soon he could hear the sound of the sea and taste the salt in the air. He followed the path, hearing the rumble of the waves crashing against the shore, and soon the path spilled out of the trees into a clearing. A large two-story cabin sat before him, the windows glinting in the sunlight. Knowing it had to be Gabriel’s cabin he headed toward it. 

The porch was wide, but uncovered. On the second floor a stone balcony jutted out from glass doors. 

When Carl’s gaze dropped to the porch again he almost startled when he saw Gabriel standing there. He had his thumbs hooked in the front pockets of his jeans, a black sweatshirt with the arms shoved up the elbows and he didn’t look particularly happy to see Carl. 

The man nodded. “Come in, Carl. I just made a fresh pot of coffee.” 

He walked back inside without waiting for Carl to respond, but left the door open wide behind him. When Carl came closer, he heard the same music he’d heard that day in the woods and smiled. //Well, I guess that explains that, and I didn’t imagine things.// He suddenly felt nervous and clung a little tighter to the cookie tin. 

The living room seemed larger than he expected, and then he realized it was because it was so sparsely furnished. A wide chair, and a matching sofa that he imagined Gabriel could easily stretch out his long legs on, in a warm rust color. A fire blazed under a mantle of slate and he saw a few items sitting on it. He wanted to move closer, to study the items there, but decided that might seem rude. Instead he walked to the back of the room and found Gabriel in a small, tidy kitchen, watching him. Two cups of coffee were sitting on the table. 

“I wasn’t sure I’d find you,” Carl began, and then lost the rest of his thought as Gabriel’s eyes locked on his. 

“Weren’t you?” 

“No, I hoped I would, but…I wasn’t sure.” Nerves reared up and seemed to strangle his words. Clearing his throat Carl looked down at the cookie tin in his hands. “I uh…I brought you some cookies…to um…to thank you for helping me out last night. I couldn’t think of anything else, and sweets are usually welcome by most.” he said uncertainly. 

Gabriel smiled a little and sat down, waving his hand toward the opposite chair. “What kind?” he asked, though he already knew from the tin. 

“Chocolate chip. I got them at the little bakery in town.” He managed a smile of his own and sat down across from Gabriel. “I haven’t tried them yet…but they looked really good.” 

“They are. I’ve had them before. Thank you, guess it’s a lucky thing I’d just made coffee.” Gabriel grinned. “Plus it’s cold out today after the rain. You probably got a bit of a chill wandering about.” 

Carl hadn’t realized the cold. “I suppose.” He shoved the cookie tin to the center of the table, and watched as Gabriel leaned over and opened it. He smiled slightly at Carl and handed him one of the sweet confections. 

Gabriel suddenly stood up and moved closer to Carl. The smaller man found himself looking up at him. “What?” 

“You’ve scratched your face.” He said it softly as he reached out and skimmed his thumb over Carl’s cheek. A tiny drop of blood lay warm and intimate on his thumb. 

“Oh. I…must have done it on a tree limb or something when I saw the deer,” Carl said softly, suddenly lost in Gabriel’s eyes. He could have drowned in them…and wanted to. “Gabriel?” 

Gabriel touched Carl’s face again, took away the sting that Carl was too befuddled to notice. “You were distracted,” he said, shifting back, and then sitting across from him again. “When you were in the forest.” 

“Ah…yes. By a white tailed deer, it…was lovely. I’ve never seen one so close, and I followed her for a little while,” Carl admitted. 

Gabriel flashed a quick smile. “Drink your coffee, Carl. Warm yourself, or you’ll take a chill.” 

“I grew up in London. I’m used to chills. Anyway, I saw the deer and couldn’t stop myself from following her. I lost her again, but…found the path here,” he said, smiling. 

Gabriel’s eyes sharpened, glinted. “She led you there?” 

“I suppose you could put it that way,” Carl said uncomfortably and shifted in his chair. 

Gabriel frowned slightly. The fates had a hand in him having this unexpected visitor. Then again, Carl wasn’t totally unexpected. He had somehow thought that he might come today, or at least try. He looked at Carl for a moment, touched his mind gently and felt the nervousness and something else. A name, someone from Carl’s past, the phone call and Carl’s frustration and guilt, and the wolf in him growled. 

“I got lucky I guess,” Carl said, sitting back and nibbling on a cookie. They really *were* as good as they looked. “You’ve a lovely place here. It’s like something out of one of those fairy tales, standing here with its back to the cliffs and sea with the stones glittering in the sunlight.” 

“I suppose it is. It works for me, for now anyway…” Gabriel said softly then watched as Carl stood up and went to the window. 

“And your view…spectacular. It must be spellbinding during a storm like the one we had last night,” Carl said as he looked out at the cliffs. 

Spellbinding, Gabriel smiled at the word. He supposed in a way Carl’s simply being here in itself was part of a spell. 

“Did you sleep well?” Gabriel asked, knowing he shouldn’t but unable to stop himself. 

Carl felt heat rise up to his cheeks. He could hardly tell him that he’d dreamed that Gabriel had made love to him. “I don’t remember ever sleeping better.” 

Gabriel laughed softly and stood. “It’s flattering,” he said, watching Carl’s eyes widen slightly. “To know my company relaxed you last night.” 

Carl made an inarticulate sound and struggled to shake off the feeling that Gabriel knew exactly where his mind had wandered. He started to turn and then noticed the open door and a little room beyond where a light was burning on a desk and a black computer was running. 

“Um…is that your office?” 

“In a manner of speaking.” 

“I’m sorry. I’ve interrupted your work then.” 

“It’s not pressing.” Gabriel shook his head. “Why don’t you ask if you want to see?” 

Carl was shocked. He didn’t think most writers would make an offer like that and shook his head. “I can’t say I’m not curious, but…I…well I looked you up on the Internet. I know you are an author, and…I doubt you want me to see your work, Gabriel.” 

Gabriel was charmed by the blush staining Carl’s cheeks as he admitted he had been curious enough about him to look him up. 

In answer, he simply gestured toward the door. “It’s all right, Carl. I’m nowhere near the end of the story, and…you don’t strike me as the horror novel type anyway.” 

Carl laughed. “No…not really,” he said softly and stepped ahead of Gabriel into the small room. Even though the room was small, a large wide window let in that stunning view of the cliffs. He wondered how a person could concentrate on work with that to dream on. 

He turned back to Gabriel and smiled. “So this is where you write.” 

Gabriel nodded. “For the last year at least,” he answered. “Though I’ve had a bit of writer's block recently.” 

“Writer's block? Oh, I am sorry to hear that. I…I haven’t read your work,” he said blushing, “But…from what I read about it, you do have quite a following.” 

“I suppose,” Gabriel said, sitting on the arm of a wingback chair and watching Carl look around his office. “This story is a bit of a departure from my normal fare and probably why I’m having a bit of trouble with it.” 

“A departure? How so?” Carl asked, turning away from the walls lined with books to look at Gabriel sitting so casually on the arm of a chair. 

“It isn’t horror...it, well…that computer game you are working on? Probably along those lines. A blend of myths, legends, and fairy tales I suppose,” Gabriel admitted, running long fingers through his hair. His publisher hadn’t been pleased with the idea and if Gabriel hadn’t been so well established and willing to write under a pseudonym he wouldn’t have been given the go ahead with it. 

Carl watched and found himself wishing it were his fingers running through the dark mane. He looked down and smiled trying to hide the sudden flush rising on his cheeks. Gabriel had read his mind, knew why pink tinged Carl’s cheeks. 

Gabriel stood up and closed the distance between them. “You know…I like your hair this way,” he murmured. 

“The winds had it,” Carl stated. 

Gabriel couldn’t resist any longer. Reaching out he ran his fingers through the soft gold that was standing at odd angles. It reminded him of what it must look like when Carl first woke up in the morning. Carl looked up quickly and was unable to say a word as Gabriel looked down into his eyes. 

It was reckless, he knew, but Gabriel had dreamed too. And he remembered every rise and fall, each contour of Carl’s body, and the taste of him on his lips and tongue. “I know. I can smell the wind in it, and the sea. I’m certain that I’d taste both on your skin.” 

Carl’s knees had turned to jelly at that. His blood was swimming so fast in his veins that he could hear the roar of it in his ears. He couldn’t move, could barely breathe. So he only stood, staring into Gabriel’s eyes, waiting. 

“Carl, I want to touch you,” he whispered; laying a hand against Carl’s heart, felt each separate hammer blow pound. “Like this.” Gabriel’s hand moved, slid sensually down Carl’s chest, as the other in his hair sunk to the back of his neck pulling him closer. 

Carl was certain his bones just dissolved, his mind seemed trapped in a fog and he shuddered out a soft breath. Gabriel’s fingers lay lightly against him, but the heat seemed to scorch through his flesh. 

“You’ve only to say no, Carl,” Gabriel murmured, giving Carl the choice, the chance to turn him away. “When I ask if you want me to taste you.” 

Carl’s head fell back, his eyes closed when Gabriel’s mouth lowered to graze his teeth along Carl’s jaw line. “The sea and the wind, and innocence as well.” His own needs thickened his voice, but there was an edge to it. “Will you give me that as well? Do nothing to stop me taking it?” He eased back, waiting, willing Carl’s eyes to open and look into his. 

Carl’s lips trembled apart as memory of a question once asked in dreams and never answered struggled to the surface. Then Gabriel’s mouth was on his, and every thought willingly died. Lights, a wild swirl of them behind his eyes. Heat, a hot gush of it in his stomach burning through him. The first sound he made was a whimper that might have been fear, but the next was a moan that was unmistakably pleasure. 

Gabriel was gentler than he’d expected, perhaps more than the larger man had intended. His lips skimmed, sipped, nipped, and nuzzled until Carl was clinging to him and surrendering to the request. 

//Oh yes. I want this. Want you. //

A shiver coursed through him as Gabriel’s hand circled the back of his neck, urging Carl’s head back, taking the kiss deeper with a tangle of tongues and tastes, a mingle of breath that grew unsteady and quick. Carl gripped Gabriel’s shoulders, first for balance, then for the sheer joy of feeling that hard, dangerous strength, the bunch of muscles. Then his hands slid over and up, into that soft dark hair. 

He suddenly had a flash of the wolf, the rich black pelt and sinewy strength, then of the man, sitting on his bed, gripping his hand as his body shuddered. 

The memory of what could be in dreams, the barrage of sensations of what was, battered each other. 

And Carl’s mouth came to life, erupting and going wild under Gabriel’s. It tore at the taller man’s control. The surrender had been sweet, but the demands were staggering. His blood leaped, and the wolf in him growled in triumph as he dragged the smaller man closer, let the kiss fly from warm, to hungry to something almost savage. 

Still, Carl urged him on, pulling him closer until Gabriel buried his face in against his throat and had to fight not to use his teeth against the smooth skin there. 

“You’re not ready for me.” Gabriel managed to pant the words out, and then yanked Carl back, shook him lightly. “By God, I’m not ready for you. There might come a time when it won’t matter, and we’ll take our chances. But it matters now. It matters today. Go home, Carl, where you’ll be safe,” Gabriel said, his grip lightening. 

Carl’s head was still spinning, his pulse roaring in his ears. 

“No one’s ever made me feel like that. I never knew anyone could.” 

Something flashed in Gabriel’s eyes that made him shiver in anticipation. But then he muttered in a language Carl didn’t understand and lowered his brow to Carl’s. “Honesty can be dangerous. I’m not always civilized, Carl, but I try to be fair. Be careful how much you offer, for I’m likely to take more.” 

“I’m not a very good liar.” 

The statement made Gabriel laugh, and his eyes were calm again when he straightened. “Then be quiet for God’s sake. Go home now. Not the way you came. You’ll see the path when you head out the front. Follow it and you’ll get home.” 

“Gabriel. I want—“ 

“I know what you want.” Firmly now, Gabriel took his arm and led him out. “If it were as simple as going upstairs to the bedroom for the afternoon, we’d already be there.” While Carl sputtered, he continued to pull the smaller man to the front door. “But you’re not as simple as you’ve been taught to think. God knows I’m not. Go home, Carl.” 

He all but shoved the smaller man out the door. Carl’s rare and occasionally awesome temper shot to the surface as the wind whipped around him. “All right, Gabriel, because I don’t *want* it to be simple.” His eyes flared, and the blue in them darkened and then they narrowed. “I’m tired of settling for simple. So don’t put your hands on me again unless you intend to complicate things!” 

Riding on anger, Carl spun around, didn’t question the fact that the path was there, wide and clear, marched to it, and strode into the trees and back toward home. 

From the porch Gabriel watched, long after Carl was out of sight, he continued to watch, smiling a bit when Carl finally reached his own home and slammed the door behind him. 

“Good for you, Carl. Neither of us was ready for that,” he murmured, running his hands through his hair. He closed his eyes knowing that yet again, a cold shower was in order. But Carl wasn’t ready. He didn’t *know* and Gabriel still needed to figure out a way to tell him. Or at least soften it so it didn’t scare him away.

~~~~~~~~

The man had *thrown* him out of his house! Carl grumbled as he stormed into his own house. One minute Gabriel had been kissing him brainless, holding him against that marvelously muscular body—and the next he’d marched him to the door! Given him the boot as if he’d been some pesky sales person hawking an inferior product. 

Oh God. It was mortifying. 

With temper still ringing in his ears like bells, Carl strode around the living room, circled it twice. Gabriel had put his hands on him. HE had made the moves. HE had kissed him, damn it. Carl hadn’t done anything. 

Except stand there like a dolt, he realized as temper sagged miserably into embarrassment. He’d just stood there, Carl thought as he wandered into the kitchen. Just stood there and let Gabriel touch him, let the other man kiss him. Hell…he’d have let him do anything, THAT was how dazzled he’d been. 

“Oh, you are such a fool, Carl,” he said, dropping into a chair and leaning over, lightly beating his head against the kitchen table. “SUCH a jerk, such a wimp.” 

HE had gone to Gabriel hadn’t he? Stumbling around in the woods like Hansel with a bunch of cookies instead of bread crumbs. Looking for what? Taking him cookies as a thank you, of all fucking things. 

What had he really expected? He thought about that for a moment. He didn’t know what he had expected, but he *had* wanted Gabriel to kiss him. He still did. He sighed. God, it was so much worse, he realized, when you had that staggering glimpse of something so powerful, so incredible, then had the door slammed in your face. 

Oh God, was he so needy that he’d fall at the feet of a man he’d only met twice before? Knew next to nothing about? Was he so weak and wobbly that he’d built fantasies around him because he had a beautiful face? 

Well…not just his face, he admitted. It was the…essence of him; he supposed, the mystery, the romance of him that had very simply bewitched Carl. There was no other word that fit what Gabriel made him feel. 

Obviously, quite obviously, it showed. 

And when Gabriel had touched him because he’d seen through Carl’s pitiful ploy of seeking him out to thank him, he’d climbed all over the man. 

No wonder he’d shown him to the door. 

But he didn’t have to be so cruel about it, Carl thought, shoving up again. Gabriel had humiliated him. 

“You’re not ready for me,” he muttered, remembering what he said. “How the hell does he know what I’m ready for when I don’t know myself? He’s not a damn mind reader.” 

Sulking now, he sat with a scowl on his face as he replayed the last scene in his mind. He changed it slightly in his mind, giving himself wonderful, pithy lines to put Gabriel Van Helsing in his place. 

“So what? He didn’t want me,” he muttered. “Who expected him to? I’ll just stay the hell out of his way. Completely. Totally.” He sighed. “I came here to get control of my life and not to try and understand some crazy, incredibly handsome, recluse.” 

Carl stood up and stomped upstairs to work. He decided getting lost in the story of the game he was working on would be better than thinking about Gabriel. 

First he emailed Lucas as he promised he would, assuring him that everything was absolutely fine, even though at the moment he didn’t *feel* fine. Then he dove into his work and didn’t look up until he realized the sky was dark and his stomach rumbled. 

He went downstairs, made something to eat and then called his parents. He let them know he was perfectly fine, just as he had Lucas. His parents, however, hadn’t been easy to talk to at all. One minute he felt like breaking something, the other he felt like weeping. His parents had pressured him, as always. And he almost crumbled under it. He’d do anything they wanted as long as it made THEM happy. Not saying yes to their pleas for him to come home was so hard. Not just giving in had been more difficult than he thought it would be. 

He wished they understood, but no matter what he said they didn’t. They thought he was shirking responsibility, wasting his talents on ‘silly children’s games’ and that he was turning into a hermit. He’d only been here a week and a half, he didn’t think that made one a hermit. He had turned Lucas down when he wanted to come up. Carl sighed. He just didn’t want to see him. He still liked Lucas but he’d never loved him, and he didn’t feel like being pressured by him too. That’s why he’d broken it off, but his parents couldn’t seem to understand why. Why on earth would he dump such a nice, perfectly acceptable mate? 

Sighing, Carl walked out onto the porch. When the wolf approached and nudged his head under Carl’s hand, Carl simply sank down on the steps and wrapped his arms around the creature. Pressing his face to the soft fur of the wolf’s throat he sighed heavily. 

“I hate hurting anyone, but I hurt them every time I don’t do what they want me to. I can’t stand it, but I can’t stop it. What’s wrong with me?” His tears came then, dampening the wolf’s neck, and touching his heart. To comfort Carl, the wolf nuzzled the man’s cheek, and let him cling. Then he slipped a quiet thought into Carl’s mind. 

//Betray yourself, and you betray all they’ve given you even if they don’t know it. Love opens doors. It doesn’t close them. When you go through it and find yourself, they’ll still be there. Such is family. //

Carl let out a shuddering breath, rubbed his face against the soft fur. “I can’t go back, even though part of me wants to. If I did, I know something inside me would just...stop.” He leaned back, holding the wolf’s head in his hands. “If I went back, I’d never find anything like you again. Even if it were there, I wouldn’t really see it. I’d never waste an afternoon staring at the sea, or follow a deer in the woods, or talk to a wolf.” He sighed and stroked the wolf’s head, down his powerful shoulders. “I’d never let some gorgeous Welshman with a bad attitude kiss me, or do something as foolish as traipse through the woods with a tin of cookies on a quest to find a cabin without a clue of its actual location.” 

Comforted, he rested his head against the wolf. “I need to do those things, to be the kind of person who does them. That’s what they can’t understand, you know? I need to be what makes ME comfortable and happy and unfortunately that doesn’t make THEM happy. They got a dreamer for a son. Someone whose mind can’t sit still, can’t be content with just one simple task. I am far too curious, always have been. And it hurts and frightens them because they love me and fear I’ll get hurt going too far. Trying too much…pushing at boundaries and tilting at windmills. That’s what my mother always said. That I want too much from life. That I needed to be content with what I have…but I can’t.” 

Carl leaned back and sighed again, stroking the wolf’s head absently as he studied the shadows in the woods. “So I have to make this work, have to make the game successful, so they stop being hurt and stop being frightened and see that I *can* do what I want and still be what they see as successful…and happy. Part of me is scared that I’ll fail, but part of me knows that I made the right choice.” He pursed his lips. “Maybe at the end of it all, I’m just a coward.” 

The wolf’s eyes narrowed, glinted and a low growl sounded in his throat making Carl blink. Their faces were close and he could see those strong, deadly white teeth. Swallowing hard, he continued to stroke the dark head with fingers that trembled slightly. 

“There now. Easy. Are you hungry? I have a few cookies left that I didn’t take today…” he trailed off as he got slowly to his feet as the wolf continued to growl. Carl kept his eyes on him and walked backwards as the wolf came up the steps toward him. 

As he reached the door, one part of his mind screamed for him to slam it, lock it, and keep the beast out. He was a wild thing, not to be trusted. But with his eyes still locked on the golden ones before him, all he could think of was how he had pressed his muzzle against him, how he’d been there when he’d finally broken down. 

He left the door open. 

His hand still shook, as he went over to the counter and picked a cookie out of the smaller tin he’d kept. “It’s probably bad for you, but…then again what good things really are?” He muffled a yelp when the wolf nipped it from him with surprising delicacy. 

He’d have sworn the gleaming eyes laughed at him. 

“Well ok, now we know sugar's as good as music for soothing savage beasts. One more but that’s it.” 

When the wolf rose onto his hind legs with surprising speed and grace, set those magnificent front paws on his shoulders, Carl could only manage a choked gasp. 

His eyes were wide and round and shocked as they met the glinting gold. Then the wolf licked him, from collarbone to ear, one long, warm stroke, and made him laugh. 

“Lord, what a pair we are,” he murmured and press his lips to the ruff of the powerful neck. “What a pair.” 

The wolf lowered, just as gracefully, snatching the cookie from Carl’s fingers on the way. 

“Oh clever, very clever.” Eying him, Carl closed the lid on the cookies and set them on top of the refrigerator.

“You know what? This is going to sound incredibly girly, but this place has a big nice bathtub. I think I’m just going to take a hot bath, read a book, and…just try and relax. I’m not going to think about sexy neighbors with outrageously wonderful mouths. I’m not going to think about work, or Lucas, or my parents. I’m just going to relax.” He walked over to the cabinet, grabbed a glass and opened the fridge. He had a single bottle of wine that he hadn’t been sure what he’d been saving for but he decided, what the hell. He didn’t feel like a beer, and he didn’t want to get drunk. Just relax. 

He finished pouring the wine, lifted the glass and toasted as the wolf watched. “And to have you. Why don’t you come upstairs and keep me company while I have that bath?” 

The wolf ran his tongue around his teeth, let out a low sound that resembled a laugh and thought, why don’t I? 

Carl fascinated him. It wasn’t a terribly comfortable sensation, but he couldn’t shake it. It didn’t matter how often he reminded himself that he needed to talk to Carl about everything, he simply wanted to be near him. He couldn’t stay away and he still hadn’t worked out how to tell him the truth. 

He’d been certain that afternoon that he’d be able to tune Carl out. Especially when he’d slammed that door behind him. Even though he’d been secretly delighted with the show of temper. The way it had flashed in his eyes, Carl had such fire in him when he let it out. Gabriel had wanted to put him out of his mind for a few days at least. Smarter, safer that way, and he’d take the time to figure out how to tell Carl everything. 

But he’d felt his pain. Sitting in his little office, toying with words that simply wouldn’t come out right he’d felt the heartbreak. And despite the block he thought that he’d imposed, he felt the rush of guilt and grief ripping at his heart. 

He couldn’t ignore it. So he’d come to Carl, to offer a little comfort as the wolf. Then he’d infuriated him, absolutely infuriated him by calling himself a coward. Not so much in calling himself that but in believing it. 

And what had the coward done? When a rogue wolf had snarled at him? Offered him a cookie. A cookie, for God’s sake. Carl was quite simply…charming. 

So he tortured himself, by sitting and watching Carl undress…this time completely. He’d watched as Carl ran the water too hot, and had daydreamed with that far away look in his eyes. He watched as Carl stood staring out the small window above the bath, and had resisted the urge to slip into his mind to see what had put that faint smile on Carl’s lips. 

Carl’s body quite simply thrilled Gabriel. Perfect. That’s what he was. He wanted to taste, to run his tongue through soft hair, against pale skin, to feel the contours of muscle under his tongue. 

When Carl had leaned over to turn off the water, it had taken an enormous act of will to prevent himself from nipping at that firm, naked bottom. 

It irritated and charmed him that Carl seemed to have no vanity, no self-awareness. Not once had he glanced in the mirror, not once had he even looked down at his own body. 

Instead the man talked to him, chattering nonsense, and then hissed out a breath as he stepped into the tub. Steam billowed as he lowered himself, until the water and bubbles were at his chest. He found it amusing that Carl, when faced with the pain he’d felt, had chosen not to drown his sorrows in alcohol but had gotten a single glass of wine and taken, of all things, a bubble bath. Teasing the entire time that it was an incredibly girlish thing to do, but he knew it would relax him, so what the hell. Not like the wolf was going to tell anyone. 

Gabriel longed to reform and slip into the tub with him as a man. 

Carl only laughed when the wolf walked forward to sniff him. Ran a hand along the soft fur of his head absently, while he took a sip of his wine and set it on a small stool beside the bath. He gasped and then chuckled when the wolf dipped his tongue into the glass and drank. “Hey! This is not for you, pal.” He lifted the glass out of reach and shook his head. 

Carl lingered in the tub for a half hour, innocently enchanting Gabriel. The scent of him as he’d toweled off thrilled him and multiple times he moaned in his mind as he watched the man redress in his pajamas. 

When Carl crouched to build up the bedroom fire, the wolf nipped and nuzzled, making Carl laugh. The next thing Carl knew he was wrestling playfully with a wolf on the hearthrug. The animal’s breath tickled his throat. Carl rubbed his belly and made the wolf rumble with pleasure. The wolf’s tongue was warm and wet against Carl’s cheek and he laughed breathlessly. Throwing his arms around the animal’s neck, he hugged it. 

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad I found you…or…you found me.” He pressed his cheek hard against the wolf’s, locked his fingers in that silky fur. “It’s so good to have a friend who doesn’t expect anything but friendship.” 

Carl curled up with the wolf to watch the fire, smiling at the pictures he found in the flames. “I’ve always liked doing this. When I was little I was sure I saw things in the fire. Magic things,” he murmured. “Like the game I’m working on now…or that story that Gabriel is…you know, castles and dragons.” His voice slurred, as his eyes grew heavy. “Mystical creatures and enchanted forests. I used to think I could go there, through the smoke and into the magic.” He sighed, drifted. “Now there are only shapes and light,” he murmured as he dozed off. 

When he slept, Gabriel appeared in the wolf’s place, stroking his fingers through Carl’s hair, and watching the fire. There was a way through the smoke and into the magic, he thought. What would Carl think if he showed him? If he took him there? 

“But you’d never believe it would you, Carl? Would you? Then again maybe you would. I hope so…because God, I want to have you. And the only way I can is if you believe.” 

In sleep Carl sighed, shifted. His arm came around Gabriel and the darker man closed his eyes. “I need to hurry…and figure out a way. Sooner rather than later, because I need you if I am going to stay as I am now.” 

He rose, lifting Carl gently to carry him to bed. “If you come to me,” he whispered as he lowered him to the bed, spread the cover over him. “If you come to me, Carl. I’ll show you magic.” Lightly he touched his lips to Carl’s. “Dream what you will tonight, and dream alone.” 

He kissed him again, for himself this time. He left Carl’s home as a man but prowled the night mists around his cabin as the wolf.

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 4

Carl spent the next week in the grip of tremendous energy, compelled to fill every minute of every day with something new. His work went faster than ever before and in the afternoons he took walks, exploring the woods and the cliffs that surrounded him. 

For that week he saw no one but the wolf. It was rare for the animal not to spend at least an hour with him. He walked with Carl on his hikes through the woods, waiting patiently while he simply stood on the edge of the cliffs and stared out toward the sea. 

His weekly call home always made him feel guilty, but he knew *this* was where he was supposed to be, and not back in L.A. inside gray cubicle walls. Carl knew he could never go back to that, not now that he knew the freedom of working in a place as beautiful as this. 

While Carl woke every morning content and ready to work or explore the woods around him, Gabriel found that he was more and more edgy. He blamed Carl for it, but knew that was unfair. 

If Carl had been less innocent, he would have taken what he’d once offered. The physical need would have been met, and that would have been even more unfair because Carl wouldn’t *know* the consequences of it. Carl had to know the truth first. Gabriel was adamant in that. Now he just needed to know how to explain it all. He had to figure out how to show Carl the impossible and make him believe. He’d left clues in his dreams, but he wasn’t sure if Carl recognized them for what they were. 

Restless, Gabriel went to the cliffs where he’d first met Carl; it wasn’t in hopes of seeing him again. At least that was what he told himself. His mind wandered as he watched the swells crash against the rocks and realized suddenly he wasn’t alone. 

He watched Carl come out of the trees, though Carl didn’t see him, not at first. The sun was behind Gabriel and Carl had looked the other way as he’d started up the rough path to the top of the cliffs. 

The sight of the younger man, muttering to himself as he climbed, both relaxed and annoyed Gabriel. Then both sensations turned to pure amusement as Carl spotted him; he jolted and scowled before he could school his expression to mild disinterest. 

“Good morning, Carl.” 

Carl nodded, then stuffed his hands in his pockets as if he didn’t know what else to do with them. His eyes were cool, in direct contrast to his nervous posture, and quite deliberately skimmed past Gabriel. 

“Hello, I’d have gone another way if I’d known you were here. I imagine you want to be alone.” 

“Not particularly.” 

Carl’s gaze veered back to his, then away again. 

“Well, I do,” he said very definitely and began to make his way along the rocks away from the taller man. 

“Hold a grudge, do you, Carl?” 

Stiffening with pride, Carl kept walking. “Apparently.” 

“You won’t be able to for long, you know. It’s not natural for you.” 

Carl jerked a shoulder, knowing the gesture was bad tempered and childish. He’d come to clear his mind after coding since before the sun rose that morning. And damn it, he’d wanted to simply be alone and not have to deal with any thoughts of Gabriel Van Helsing. He’d happily pushed that man out of his mind for a few days, and now everything – the kiss they’d shared, the dreams he’d had – everything came crashing back.

He hadn’t wanted to see him, to be reminded of what had happened between them, what it stirred in him and he didn’t want to be chased away again like before. Setting his teeth, he sat on a ledge of rock and simply watched the sea rage. He knew how it felt, just like he felt, unsettled. 

He stared straight ahead at the water, and told himself he would not look over at Gabriel. He was still there, he was sure of it. Why else would his every muscle be on alert, why would his heart still be tripping in his chest? 

But he would not look. 

Of course he looked. And Gabriel was still there, a few paces away, his hands tucked casually in his pockets, his face turned toward the water. It was just bad luck, Carl supposed, that the man was so damn attractive, that Gabriel could stand there with the wind in all that gorgeous hair, his profile sharp and clean, and it reminded him for a moment of some poetic hero. 

A knight before battle, a king surveying his realm.

And Gabriel Van Helsing could be all of that, as commanding in jeans and a sweatshirt as any warrior glinting in polished armor. 

“I don’t mean to do battle with you, Carl.” 

With an irritated glare, Carl turned back to his study of the water. 

“There’s no point in being angry with me or yourself. And there’s no point in discussing it.” Gabriel turned and looked at Carl who was still turned away, and he made his way over to the younger man. 

Carl huffed out a breath as Gabriel sat companionably beside him. When the older man lapsed into silence, and appeared to be settling in for a nice long visit, Carl tapped his fingertips in irritation, against the rock he sat on. 

“It’s a long coast, Gabriel. Would you mind plopping down on another part of it?” 

“I like it here.” 

When Carl hissed out a breath and started to rise, Gabriel simply tugged the smaller man back down. “Don’t be foolish, Carl.” 

“Don’t tell me I’m foolish. I’m really, really tired of being told I’m foolish!” Carl jerked his arm free. “And you have no right. You don’t even know me!” 

Gabriel shifted so that they were face to face. “That could be part of it.” 

“All right,” Carl snapped. “We’ll discuss it. I admit I stumbled my way through the woods because I wanted to see you. I was attracted—I’m sure you’re used to people being attracted to you. I did want to thank you for your help, but that was only part of it. I intruded, no question, but you were the one who kissed me.” 

“I did indeed,” Gabriel murmured. He wanted to do so again, right now with Carl’s mouth set in that stubborn almost pout and temper flashing in his bright blue eyes. 

“And I overreacted to it.” The memory of that still made Carl’s blood heat. “You had a perfect right to tell me to go, but you didn’t have the right to be so…so unkind about it. No one has the right to be so unkind. Now, obviously, you didn’t have the same... response that I did and you want to keep your distance. So…so why did you come over here? You said yourself there was no point in discussing it.” 

“Let’s take this in order,” Gabriel decided. “Yes, I’m used to people being attracted to me, I suppose.” A smile tugged at his lips as Carl made a quiet sound of disgust. “You’d think more of me if I had lied about that, but I find false modesty inane and deceitful. And though I most often prefer to be alone, your visit wasn’t intrusive. I kissed you because I wanted to, because you quite simply have an irresistible and quite kissable mouth.” 

He watched the surprise register in Carl’s eyes. No one had ever told him that before, he realized, and shook his head over the idiocy of other people. 

“I kissed you because you have eyes that remind me of the sky, and I now know that your hair is as soft as I imagined it to be. Golden as the sun, and it felt soft as silk when my hand sank into it.” 

“Don’t do that.” Carl’s voice shook slightly as he wrapped his own arms across his chest. “Don’t. It’s not fair to say things like that. If you’d wanted me, you wouldn’t have sent me away, the way that you did.” 

Perhaps it wasn’t fair to use such words on a man who so obviously wasn’t used to hearing them. But Gabriel merely shrugged. “It’s just the truth. And my response to you was more…acute, than I’d bargained for. That’s why I sent you away. And yes, I was unkind. For that, I apologize, Carl. But only for that, not for kissing you.” 

Carl realized he was in over his head with Gabriel and wished the terror of that wasn’t quite so enjoyable. “You’re sorry for being unkind, or for having a response to me?” 

Clever, he mused, and gave Carl the simple truth. “For both. I said I wasn’t ready for you, Carl. I meant it.” 

It took Carl a moment to even speak. “Maybe I understand that, a little. I’m at an odd place in my life,” he said slowly. “A kind of crossroads, I suppose. I think people are most vulnerable when they come to the end of something and have to decide which beginning they’re going to take. I don’t know you, Gabriel.” He forced himself to face the other man again. “And I don’t know what to say to you, or what to do.” 

“Offer me a cup of coffee.” 

“What?” 

Gabriel smiled and took Carl’s hand where it had slid from his arm to his lap. “Offer me coffee. Rain’s coming and we should go in.” 

“Rain? But the sun’s…” even as he said it the light changed. Dark clouds slipped through the sky without a sound and the first drops, soft and not as cold as he imagined they’d be, fell. 

“It was supposed to be clear all day,” he murmured as Gabriel helped him to his feet. 

“It’s just a shower, and a warm one at that.” Gabriel began to guide Carl through the rocks and down the path. 

“So will I have coffee?” 

Carl slanted a look at Gabriel and smiled. “I suppose.” 

“There, I told you. You don’t know how to hold a grudge.” 

“I just need practice,” Carl replied and that made Gabriel laugh. 

“I’m likely to give you plenty of cause for practice.” 

“Do you make it a habit to annoy people?” 

“Yes. I’m a difficult man, or so I’ve been told.” 

It was Carl’s turn to laugh and shake his head. 

Arriving at Carl’s cabin, he fished his keys out of his pocket and Gabriel cocked his head to the side as he unlocked the door. “Who are you locking out?” 

Carl’s smile was a little sheepish as he stepped inside. “Habit, I suppose.” 

Gabriel followed Carl to the kitchen and sat comfortably at the table as the quiet patter of rain fell outside. 

Carl started a pot of coffee and then sat opposite of Gabriel as they waited out the rain shower and for the coffee to brew. 

“How is your game coming along?” Gabriel asked curiously. 

“Actually, better than I imagined, though there are some holes here and there…things I’m not quite sure about. They gave me a script but it has several holes in it and I need to fill in the blanks myself. I have been, but I keep thinking that something is missing,” he admitted. 

Gabriel nodded. “Same with my book…still a bit of Swiss cheese about it.” He grinned and Carl laughed. 

Despite getting off to a rocky start they spent the next few hours talking over their coffee. Talking about myths, legends, and their work. Whenever it would seem to stray toward Carl’s family he would steer the conversation back to something easier to explain, Gabriel had noticed. 

When the rain stopped they walked out to the porch and talked about everything and nothing, and Gabriel wasn’t sure when the impulse struck him, or how, but he stepped closer to Carl as he gazed out toward the trees. 

Just being near him seemed to calm Gabriel more than he ever thought possible. Either as the wolf or as a man, Carl affected him deeply. As much as he’d cursed the fates, he was pleased with their choice in Carl. He had started to realize why the younger man stayed on his mind so much. It was more than just destiny. Much more. 

Before he could stop himself he’d urged Carl to face him, and cupped his face. He could see Carl’s eyes flash worry, wonder, and desire all at once. Slowly, allowing Carl enough time to pull away if he wished, Gabriel’s lips descended on the younger man’s. 

The kiss was soft and gentler than he really wanted it to be, but Gabriel felt he had to lock down the needs within him, the fiercer, stronger needs that were neither wise nor safe yet. 

Just a taste of that innocence, a glimpse of that fire within Carl was all he wanted now. But when Carl’s hand came up to rest on Gabriel’s shoulder, when his mouth yielded so utterly under Gabriel’s, those darker needs began clawing for freedom. The wolf began snarling within, wanting more. 

Carl couldn’t stop himself from giving, could hold nothing back against the gentle assault. Instinctively his hands soothed over the tension of Gabriel’s shoulders and he knew he was holding back. 

Finally, Gabriel eased away before desire could outrace reason. When Carl simply stared up at him with those incredible eyes blurred by desire, those perfect lips parted, he stepped away. 

“I guess it’s just, ah, chemistry,” Carl said softly with his heart in his throat. 

“Chemistry,” Gabriel replied, “can be dangerous.” 

“You can’t make discoveries without some risks.” The words should have shocked him, a comment like that coming out of Carl’s mouth, such an obvious invitation to continue, to finish. But it seemed natural, and right. 

“In this case it’s best you know all the elements you’re dealing with. How much are you willing to find out, I wonder?” 

“I came here to find out all sorts of things,” Carl began. “I didn’t expect to find you.” 

“You didn’t? No…you’re looking for Carl first,” Gabriel said mildly. “If I took you inside, took you here for that matter, you’d find a part of yourself quickly enough. Is that what you want?” 

“No.” It was another surprise to hear the denial when every nerve in his body was sizzling. “Because then it would be as you said before. Simple. And I’m not simple.” 

“Still, I’ll kiss you again when I’ve a mind to.” Gabriel grinned. 

Carl angled his head for a moment. “I’ll let you kiss me again, when I’ve a mind to.” 

Gabriel’s grin was quick and he laughed softly. “I think I’ve just been put in my place.” 

“Maybe so.” Carl grinned, feeling slightly giddy from the idea. 

Gabriel chuckled and stepped down off the porch onto the top step. “Have a good day, Carl,” he said, tapping the porch rail lightly and then he turned and walked away. 

Well, Carl thought, as days go, it hadn’t been half bad so far. 

When Gabriel came to Carl again in dreams, Carl welcomed him. When his mind touched Carl’s, seduced it, aroused it, he simply sighed, yielded, and offered. 

Carl shivered in pleasure, breathed Gabriel’s name and sensed somehow that he was just as vulnerable as Carl was. For just that moment, just that misty space of time Gabriel was tangled with him, helpless not to give what Carl asked. 

If only he knew the right question. 

What should he ask him? What did he need to know? 

In the dark, with the half-moon spilling through the open window, Carl woke alone. He burrowed into the pillows and listened to the sound of the wolf calling into the night. 

~~~~~~

Carl saw spring burst into life around the cabin and suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted. He decided to call the Realtor who’d rented him the cabin and see if he could find a place to buy in the area, if this cabin wasn’t up for sale itself. 

He’d been waffling on making the final decisions, taking those final steps, and now, suddenly he wanted to. 

It was such a big step—choosing a spot, buying a house---making it his own, but it seemed he was already halfway there, at least in his mind and his heart. 

If he found something nearby, if the cabin itself wasn't for sale, he’d at least not have to leave the wolf. Or Gabriel. With that thought, he shook his head. No, he couldn’t add Gabriel to the equation, or make him part of the reason he was considering settling in the area. He was his own man, and would come and go when and where he pleased. 

Just like the wolf, he realized and sighed. Neither belonged to him at all. They were both loners, both beautiful creatures who belonged to no one. They’d maybe influenced some of the changes in Carl’s life, but the biggest changes were up to him. 

Carl decided that he’d go visit Gabriel, not hoping for more than letting him know that he’d decided something. Decided to stay in the area, and maybe find out if he knew if the MacDonald’s were selling the cabin. 

Gabriel knew he was coming. He’d been careful to keep his contact with Carl limited over the past several days. Perhaps he hadn’t been able to stay away completely. The wolf still went to him daily, but that was different. And it made it easier for Gabriel to check on him, because he found that he worried about Carl. He could hardly deny that he enjoyed the way Carl welcomed the wolf, the way Carl would stroke the animal and nuzzle against him. It was comforting for both of them. 

But this time Carl was coming to see the man, and would have to deal with him. And this time...he had an idea, a way for them to get to know one another better. Innocently. 

He vowed he wouldn’t touch Carl again until they did get to know each other better, and until he did tell Carl the truth. It was too difficult to sample and not take fully. He wanted more than coming to Carl in his dreams. He wanted the reality. 

When he heard the knock at his door, Gabriel startled out of his thoughts and crossed to it. Flinging it open, Carl smiled up at him and he felt his heart trip in his chest for a moment. 

“Good morning…I…I haven’t come at a bad time have I?” Carl asked. Gabriel looked as if he were about to jump out of his skin for some reason. 

“No. No…I…was distracted. Come in, Carl. You’re always welcome here,’ he said congenially. Carl gave him an odd look. 

“Honestly, Gabriel, if I’ve come at a bad time,” he began, but Gabriel was already stepping back, widening the opening of the door in invitation. “I thought I would come by before I drove into town.” 

“Research?” Gabriel asked leaving the door open, as if to give Carl a route of escape. 

“Not exactly. I was going to talk to someone about property. I’m thinking of buying some in the area…and…well you knew the MacDonalds and that’s why I came here first. I thought perhaps...well maybe you’d know if their cabin was up for sale?” Carl asked haltingly. 

“So this is the place for you?” Gabriel asked. 

“It seems to be. It could be.” Carl shrugged. “Someplace must be, and this is where I’ve learned to be comfortable.” 

“Well, I think the MacDonalds might be considering selling the cabin, they’ve rented it out for quite some time, but…they just might want to sell,” Gabriel said, leading Carl toward the kitchen. 

Carl followed him feeling slightly uncertain now. He’d come to ask Gabriel about the cabin and now that was out of the way he didn’t know where to begin again. 

“So how’s the game coming?” Gabriel asked as he poured a glass of iced tea for Carl and one for himself. “Still got holes?” 

“Yeah, actually I do,” Carl admitted as he sat down at Gabriel’s table. “And your book?” 

“Still has holes.” Gabriel grinned, setting the glass in front of Carl. “I had an idea though…if you’re up for it and if the company you're freelancing for would be up for it. My publisher already said it would be fine with them…” he trailed off. 

“What would be fine with them? You know, Gabriel, you tend to talk in riddles sometimes.” Carl grinned over the top of his glass and Gabriel laughed. 

“I suppose I am sounding a bit mysterious. I talked to my publisher the other day about an idea I had, but that I hadn’t talked to you about it yet. They already said if you went for it, they were game, too. Since we are essentially both writing the same sort of story, just you for a game and me for a book...I thought maybe we could take a look at each other’s work, and maybe find a way to plug the holes in both. Sort of…collaborate, and then the book and the game could be released as companion pieces.” Gabriel finished his spill and felt a little uneasy as Carl stared at him for a moment. 

“You mean…combine them in some way? And…release the game and book as companions, such as if you read the book the story in the game is the same but, an interactive version of the story?” Carl asked just to make things clear. 

“Yes.” 

Sitting back in his chair, Carl sighed. “Are…are you sure? That doesn’t exactly seem your style?” 

“This book isn’t my style either.” Gabriel grinned and Carl laughed. 

“True enough. So…you want us to work together? Is…is that possible?” Carl asked, taking a drink of his tea. 

Gabriel smiled and sat back in his chair, stretching his long legs out underneath the table. “Yes. Because I vow as long as we work together I won’t make any advances…” 

“Is this your way of keeping from getting involved with me then?” Carl teased. 

“In a way I guess…at least for a little while,” Gabriel said, smiling. “So yes or no, Carl?” 

Carl waited a beat. He was actually disappointed that Gabriel wouldn’t make advances…but his reputation as a writer would certainly make the game a success, if only the novelty of it. He’d be a fool to say no. 

“Yes…I have to ask the company I’m working for first, but with your reputation I’m sure they’d go for it. They're a small start up so having a best selling author writing plot and story concept for their first game…well that has to be a feather in their cap. But...why?” Carl asked. 

“I like you. I think we could work well together. We both have holes in our stories, and…maybe a little bit is keeping you at arms length until we both know each other better. We seem to just keep…stumbling.” 

Carl laughed. “You can say that again. All right. I’ll ask…and then we can start working as a team.” 

“Good,” Gabriel said with a satisfied smile. It would be so much easier to figure out the right things to say to Carl if he knew him better. He could more easily explain who he was and what he was, give him more hints at least…and this way, the issue of them being partners/co-workers would stamp out any notion of doing anything that might put them both in a very awkward position. 

Later that day when Carl was back in his kitchen smiling happily about the fact the company had jumped at the idea, he tried to remember when he’d last felt so incredibly relaxed. 

He was a programmer, not a writer, and it had been difficult at best to try and fill in the gaps in the storyline for the game. This way, with Gabriel’s help…with his talent, it put even less pressure on Carl. 

He never actually made it into town to talk to the Realtor; his lease wasn’t even up for another two months so there was no immediate need to talk to the Realtor about buying, at least not yet. 

Now the only thing left was making his parents understand. And they wouldn’t, but he hoped in time they would. That they would see Carl was happy and making a living, and would be satisfied with that. Maybe, just maybe, they’d even be proud of him. 

He glanced at the phone, considered calling them, and then shook his head. Not yet. He didn’t feel up to hearing the doubt, the concern, and the carefully masked impatience in their voices to spoil his good mood. 

And he was in a great mood. 

So when he heard the knock on the front door, he sprang up from his seat at the kitchen table. It was Gabriel, had to be. Maybe he’d come to look over the parts of the game Carl had completed? Maybe he’d have new ideas that could help them both? 

Eager to tell Gabriel about some ideas he’d had walking home, he opened the door wide. His smile of welcome, however, shifted to blank shock. 

“Carl, you shouldn’t just open the door without seeing who it is first. You’re much too trusting.” 

With the spring breeze blowing behind him, Lucas stepped inside. 

“Lucas, what are you doing here?” 

Carl knew immediately his tone had been short and unwelcoming—and very close to accusatory. He could see it in the surprised look of hurt on the other man’s face. 

“It’s been over three weeks, Carl. We thought you might appreciate a little face to face. And frankly…” He shoved at the heavy sand-colored hair that fell over his forehead. “The tenor of your last phone call worried your parents.” 

“The tenor?” Carl bristled, and struggled to fix on a pleasant smile. “I don’t see why. I told them I was fine and well settled in.” 

“Well maybe that’s what concerns them.” 

“Then why aren’t *they* here, instead of you?” Carl shot back and immediately regretted it. 

“They asked me to come, to see if I could talk sense into you.” 

The worry in his earnest brown eyes brought Carl the first trickle of guilt. Then when Lucas took off his coat, laid it neatly over the banister it made a pocket of resentment open under the guilt.

“Why would that be a concern in the first place, the fact that I’m fine and settled and…happy? Does that bother them so much?” 

“Carl, stop being childish. None of us really knows what you’re doing up here—or what you hope to accomplish by cutting yourself off from everyone.” 

“I’ve explained all of that.” Now there was weariness along with the guilt. It was his cabin, damn it, his life. He felt as if he was being invaded, questioned for simply *living*. Manners had him gesturing to a chair though. “Sit down, please. Do you want anything? Tea, coffee?” 

“No, I’m fine but thanks,” Lucas said, sitting down and looking stiffly out of place in his trim gray suit and starched white Oxford shirt. He still wore his conservatively striped, neatly Windsor-knotted tie. It hadn’t occurred to him to so much as loosen it for the trip.

He scanned the room now as he settled in a chair by the quiet fire. From his viewpoint the cabin was rustic and quaint and far too isolated. Where was the culture---museums, libraries, and theaters? How could Carl stand burying himself in the middle of the woods for weeks on end? 

All he needed, Lucas was certain, was a subtle nudge and he’d pack up and come back to Los Angeles with him. Carl’s own parents had assured him of it. 

Lucas smiled at him that crooked, slightly confused smile that always had touched Carl’s heart. “What in the world do you do here all day? Are you really serious about this video game?” 

“I’ve told you in my letters, Lucas.” Carl sat across from him and leaned forward. This time, he was certain he’d be able to make Lucas understand. “I’ve taken some time to think, to figure things out while I’ve been here, and I’ve been working. In fact—“ 

“Carl, that’s all well and good for a few days,” he interrupted, the patience so thick in his voice it set Carl’s teeth on edge. “But this is hardly the place for you. If you really want to work freelance you can do that from Los Angeles. You don’t have to hole up in the middle of nowhere. It’s easy enough to read between the lines of your letters that you’ve developed some sort of romantic attachment for solitude, for living in some little cabin in the boonies, but this is hardly Walden Pond.” Lucas shot Carl that smile again, but this time it failed to soften him at all. 

“And I’m not Thoreau. Granted. But I’m happy here, Lucas.” 

Carl didn’t look happy, Lucas noted. He looked irritable and edgy. Certain he could make Carl see reason; he reached out and patted the back of his hand. “For now, perhaps. For the moment. But what happens after a few more weeks, when you realize it’s all just a…” He gestured vaguely. “Just an interlude.” 

“A phase, you mean?” Carl snapped back, unable to help himself. 

“Phase…whatever, by then it might be too late to get your job back, to register for those summer classes you wanted to take at the university…the lease is up on your apartment in three months.” 

Carl’s hands were locked together in his lap now, to keep from forming fists and beating them in frustration on the arms of the chair. “It’s not just a phase, an interlude,” he drug out the word bitterly, “it’s my life, Lucas.” 

“Exactly.” Lucas beamed at him now. “And your life is in Los Angeles. Sweetheart, you and I both know you need more intellectual stimulation than you can find out here. You need your studies, your work. What about your monthly trip to the theater? You have to miss that.”

“Don’t…don’t call me that. And I didn’t want to take those classes; YOU wanted me to take them. My parents wanted me to take them, not ME. I already have two doctorate degrees, I hardly need another!” Carl said standing up. He was infuriated as he stalked away from the other man. 

Lucas blinked, more than a little shocked at Carl’s sudden vehemence. “Because we care about you, Carl. Very much.” He rose as well; his voice was soothing now, though. Carl rarely lost his temper, but Lucas understood when Carl threw up a wall no amount of logic would crack it. You just had to wait him out. 

“I know you care.” Frustrated, Carl pressed his fingers to his eyes. “That’s why I want you to hear, I want you to understand, or if understanding is too much, to accept. I’m doing what I need to do. And, Lucas---”He dropped his hands, looked directly into brown eyes. “I’m *not* coming back.” 

Lucas’ face stiffened, and his eyes went cool as they did when he had outlined a logical premise and Carl disagreed with him. “I certainly hoped you’d had enough of this foolishness by now and would fly back with me tonight. I’m willing to find a hotel in the area for a few days, and wait.” 

“No, Lucas. You misunderstand. I’m not coming back to Los Angeles. At all. Not now, not later. Not *ever*!” 

There, Carl thought, he’d said it. And a huge weight seemed to lift off his heart. It remained light even when he read the irritation in Lucas’ eyes. 

“That’s just nonsense, Carl. It’s your home, of course you’ll come back.” 

“No. It’s your home. My parent’s home. That doesn’t make it mine.” Carl reached out to take Lucas’ hands, to make him understand, to make him see he really was happy. “Please try to understand. I love it here. I’m so at home, so settled. I’ve never really felt like this before. I’m working on something I enjoy; I even have a partner on the project now. It’s so much more fun working on the game than it ever was writing accounting software. I’m going to look into either buying this cabin or another in the area. A place of my own--”

“Have you lost your mind?” Lucas snapped, and turned his hands over to grip Carl’s almost painfully. None of the sheer joy of Carl’s face seemed to register. Only the words, that were to him the next thing to madness. “Computer games? Fun? Are you listening to yourself?” 

“Yes, for the first time in my life that’s just what I’m doing. You’re hurting me, Lucas.” 

“I’m hurting you?” The taller man came as close to shouting as Carl had ever heard, and transferred his grip from Carl’s hands to his shoulders. “What about what I feel, what I want? Damn it, Carl! I’ve been patient with you. You’re the one who suddenly and for no reason that made sense decided to change our relationship. One night we were almost lovers and then the next day we’re not. I didn’t press. I didn’t push. I tried to understand that you needed more time in that area!” 

Carl had bungled things, he realized. He’d hurt Lucas unnecessarily out of his own inability to find the right words. Even now, he fumbled with them. “Lucas, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t a matter of time. It was—“

“I’ve circled around this incomprehensible snit of yours,” he continued, fired up enough to give Carl a quick shake. “I’ve given you more room than anyone could expect, believing you just needed time. You said you cared about me, I told you over and over again that I loved you, and now it’s computer games and cabins in the fucking woods?” 

“Yes, it is. Lucas, please—“ Carl was near tears, very near them. He managed to lift a hand to the other man’s chest to try and push him away or at least calm him enough to release his arms which were starting to ache from where he gripped him so tightly. 

Gabriel had been in his office when he sensed *something* wasn’t right. Instinctively he knew Carl was in pain, like he had when Carl had argued with his parents on the phone, only this time he sensed something else. He kept telling himself he shouldn’t get involved, but the worry that Carl was in danger kept prickling within him. He threw up his hands and with a shimmer of light was just a few yards from the cabin in wolf form. He could hear Carl arguing with someone. Heard the name Lucas and the wolf growled. The wolf continued to listen to the argument and fought with himself to stay out of it. Then, when he heard the tremble in Carl’s voice, felt the fear and pain emanating from the younger man he could no longer hold back. With a great feral howl, the wolf leaped through the open window. Fangs gleamed white in the lamplight as he sprang, a vicious snarl erupting from his throat. 

His powerful forelegs caught Lucas just below the shoulders, knocking him back. A table snapped as their combined weight crashed into it. And before Carl could draw breath, Lucas was lying white-faced on the floor with the black wolf snapping at his throat. 

“No, no!” Terror gave Carl both speed and strength. He jumped to them, dived down to wrap his arms around the wolf’s neck. “Don’t, don’t hurt him. He wasn’t meaning to hurt me.” 

He could feel the muscles vibrating beneath him, and hear the growls rumble like thunder. The horrible image of ripped flesh, pumping blood, and screams raced through Carl’s head. Without a thought he shifted, pushed his face between them and looked into the wolf’s glowing eyes. 

All he saw was savagery.

“He wasn’t trying to hurt me,” Carl said calmly. “He’s a friend. He’s upset, but he’d never purposefully hurt me. Let him up now, please.” 

The wolf snarled again, and something flashed in his eyes that was almost…human, Carl thought. The smell of wildness wafted around him, and very gently Carl laid his cheek against the wolf’s. “Everything’s all right. It’s all right now, let him up.” 

Slowly, the wolf moved back, but his body shoved against Carl’s until he stood between Carl and the stranger. As a precaution, Carl kept a hand on the ruff of the wolf’s neck as he got to his feet. 

“I’m sorry, Lucas. Are you hurt?” 

“Name of God, name of God!” was all he could manage in a voice that shook. Sheer terror had his muscles weak as water. Each breath burned his lungs, and his chest was bruised where the beast had attacked him. “Get away from it, Carl. Get back!” Though he trembled all over from shock, he crawled to his feet and grabbed a nearby lamp. “Get away, go upstairs.” 

“Don’t you dare hit him!” Carl snapped, indignant, as he snatched the lamp out of Lucas’ unsteady hands. “He was only protecting me. He thought you were hurting me…and you were a little.” At that the wolf snarled. 

“Protecting you? For the love of God, Carl, that’s a wolf!” 

Carl jerked back when Lucas tried to grab him, then followed instinct and told perhaps the first outright lie of his life. “Of course not. Don’t be absurd. It’s a dog…my dog.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw the wolf angle his head up and…glare at him for calling him a dog. “He did precisely what you would expect from a well trained dog. He protected me against what he saw as a threat.” 

“A dog?” Staggered and far from convinced he wasn’t about to have his throat torn out, Lucas shifted his gaze to Carl. “Since when did you have a dog?” 

“For a while now.” 

“What kind of dog is that?” 

“I don’t precisely know.” Carl was a miserably poor liar. “He’s been wonderful company though, and as you can see I don’t have to worry about being alone. If I hadn’t called him off, he’d have bitten you.” 

“It looks like a damn wolf.” 

“Really, Lucas,” he did his best to laugh, “Have you ever heard of a wolf protecting someone? And taking commands from someone? No he’s just a wonderful dog, and gentle as a Labrador with me.” 

As if in disgust, the wolf shot Carl one steely look, then walked over to sit by the fire. 

“See?” Carl didn’t let his breath shudder out in relief, but he wanted to. 

“You never said anything about wanting a dog…I think I’m allergic,” Lucas said, digging a handkerchief out to catch the first sneeze. 

“I never said a lot of things,” Carl said crossing to Lucas. “I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I didn’t know what to say or how to say it until now.”

Lucas’ eyes kept sliding back toward the wolf. “Could you put him outside?” 

Carl almost laughed. The wolf came and went as he pleased. “He’s fine. I promise. Come sit down---you’re still shaken up.” 


“No shit,” he muttered. Lucas would have asked for a stiff drink but imagined Carl would have to leave the room and he wasn’t risking being alone with the great black hulk. 

As if to show the wisdom of his decision, the wolf bared his teeth. 

“Lucas,” Carl said, sitting on the couch beside him and taking the other man’s hands, “I am sorry, for not understanding myself soon enough or clearly enough to make you understand. For not being what you’d hoped I would be. But I can’t change any of that, and I can’t go back to what I was.” 

Lucas pushed his heavy hair back again. “Carl, be reasonable.” 

“I *am* Lucas. I do care for you. You’ve been wonderful as a friend, but be honest. You’re not in love with me. It just seemed you should be.” 

“Of course I love you, Carl. I’ve told you countless times—“ 

Carl’s smile was slightly wistful. “If you were in love with me you couldn’t have been so reasonable about not sleeping with me. We’ve been good friends, but we were never lovers. There was no passion between us when we kissed, no urgency, no desperation.” 

Lucas felt his face flush. “Why should there be?” 

“Oh Lucas…there should be. There has to be. You are the son my parents always wanted. That’s why they liked you so much. I guess they thought you could *fix* me. But you don’t love me. Not really.” 

“If you came back, we could try.” 

Carl was already shaking his head. 

“I don’t want to lose you, Carl. You matter to me.” 

“Then let me be happy. Let me know that at least one person I matter to, and who matters to me, can accept what I want to do.” 

“I can’t stop you.” Resigned, Lucas sighed. “You’ve changed Carl. In three short weeks, you’ve changed. Maybe you really are happy or think you are. Either way, I’ll be there if you ever change your mind.” 

“I know.” 

“I should go. It’s a long drive to the airport.” 

“I---I can fix you a meal. You can stay the night if you like and leave in the morning.” 

“It’s best if I go now.” Skimming a cautious glance toward the wolf, Lucas rose. “I don’t know what to think, Carl. And I don’t know what to say to your parents.” 

“Tell them I’m happy.” 

“I will,” he said softly and indicated that Carl should stay seated. Then he sneezed. Backing away he nodded toward the wolf. “I’ll um, just let myself out. You ought to get a collar for that thing, and make sure he’s had his shots and—“ Another sneezing fit shook the long, lanky frame as he opened the door and stepped out. 

“I’ll call you,” Lucas shouted from the porch. 

“I hurt him.” Carl let out a deep sigh and at that moment the wolf walked up to him. Carl rested his hand against the broad head. “I couldn’t find a way not to. I’ve been avoiding so long, but I just don’t love him. I just couldn’t find a way to make him see that I’d never love him. He thought that my wanting a break was just that and that it would help, he thought that’s what I meant by it…I should have been honest from the start.” 

Carl sighed and looked at the wolf. “I can’t believe you did that. You were so beautiful leaping through the window like that. You scared poor Lucas half to death.” He laughed a little, but the sound was perilously close to a sob. “Scared me too, a little. But I love you,” he murmured, and felt the wolf quiver as he caressed him. “It’s so easy with you.” 

They stayed like that for a long time and Carl finally drifted off to sleep on the couch, with the wolf staring into the dying fire and listening to Carl’s quiet breathing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 5

The following two weeks Gabriel kept Carl close. He would either come to Carl’s house to work on the story for the game, rewriting portions of what Carl already had, or simply filling in blanks where the story actually overlapped with his own, or Carl would come to his cabin. They worked companionably, and though at times it was damn hard, Gabriel resisted even touching Carl in a friendly manner. It would be too hard to stop if he did. 

While they worked together, Gabriel tried to give Carl hints as to what and who he really was. Subtle things, that if Carl would simply open his mind just a little bit, he’d make the connections. It was all to ease the shock of it once Gabriel told him the truth. Plus as they spent more and more time together, just innocently working and talking, he realized that what he knew as destiny, and what he knew as reality were so very different. He was in love with the intelligent blond, and he wasn’t certain he’d be able to let him go if Carl did refuse him once he knew. Perhaps it would be better to be the wolf for an eternity if Carl rejected him? 

If he went to Carl nightly as the wolf, it was only because he understood that Carl was lonely, and that he looked forward to the visits. Perhaps Gabriel did enjoy lying beside Carl on the big bed, listening to Carl read aloud, and watching him fall asleep with the light on. Perhaps that was all part of being in love with someone? He’d never loved anyone before Carl, and at times he felt completely lost, a man that had always been so confident in who he was, what he was…was suddenly completely befuddled by a cute blond computer programmer with an adorable habit of falling asleep while he read. 

Gabriel often watched Carl sleep; he knew the next step was approaching. He’d have to explain who and what he was. Time was running out, so he finally decided the time was right. He came to Carl in his dreams, made love to him like so many times before. Only this time he wanted Carl to remember. Gabriel couldn’t wait any longer or it would simply be too late. Tomorrow would decide everything. “Tonight, you’ll remember what you will. Tomorrow the choice is yours. You can come to me, and I’ll explain it all if I can.” 

When Carl awoke that morning he had the most driving need to see Gabriel. He wasn’t sure why until he walked into the bathroom and saw the bruises. His neck in the curve where his shoulder met it was bruised dark where he remembered vividly, a hot mouth sucking hard. Gabriel’s voice whispering, ‘Mine’, and he shivered. Then he looked down and saw the bruises on his hips, his entire body shivered at the memory of it. Beneath Gabriel, holding onto the corded muscles of his arms as Gabriel’s hands held his hips in a bruising grip as he drove him higher and higher until they both found their release. He frowned. It was only a dream. How could there be bruises? His mind slipped to the tea he drank at Gabriel’s when they worked and his confusion and wonder slipped to anger. He dressed quickly and rushed out into the morning fog that was already starting to burn away to bright sunlight, to find Gabriel. 

As he walked he remembered bits and pieces of dreams from the last few months, Gabriel seducing him, taking him. His body willing and accepting, wanting the dark haired man's touch. Being so utterly filled by him, over and over again. And his anger stirred even more when he felt himself start to get hard from the memories alone…was he…taking him in his sleep? Was he drugging him? Or were they just dreams? But they seemed so *real*, were they? Were they really? What was in that damn tea they drank so often at Gabriel’s? Was it some sort of hallucinogen or…something? But how does that explain the bruises? Yet…he knew he hadn’t been taken, he was a virgin, he’d definitely *know* if he’d been taken as he was in dreams. So…what was going on? What was Gabriel doing to him? 

Carl ran up the steps and pounded on Gabriel’s door. “What did you do to me?” he demanded the moment the other man opened the door. 

Gabriel grinned and watched Carl steadily as he stepped back. “Come in, Carl.” 

“I want to know what you did to me. I want to know right now.” 

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Did you drug the tea?” 

Now the calm snapped off into insult. “I beg your pardon?” 

“It’s the only explanation. I don’t dream that way, never have. I have no…no…basis…” he trailed off unable to admit he had no basis to compare it to since he’d never *been* with anyone before. 

“I don’t deal in potions of that kind.” Gabriel shrugged, which seemed to drive Carl’s ire higher. 

“Oh really?” He stomped through the door and spun to face Gabriel. “What kind then?” 

“Just tea, some to ease small hurts but that’s it, it isn’t really my specialty.” 

“And what is?” 

Gabriel shot him a look of impatience. “If you’d open that amazing mind of yours you’d already know the answer to that.” 

Carl stared into Gabriel’s eyes and the image of the wolf flashed in his mind. “You…you…who are you?” 

“You know who I am. And damn it, I’ve given you plenty of time to deal with it. Left you plenty of clues.” Gabriel had grown tired of waiting. His self-imposed rule of not touching Carl now that they were working together had crumbled to dust the night before. It was quite simply now or never, he didn’t have the luxury of time much longer, and now that Carl was questioning, now that he was here, he would have to take a chance. He hoped that Carl truly would be able to deal with everything he was about to tell him. 

“Deal with what?” he repeated and stabbed a finger into the taller man’s chest. “I don’t understand a thing about you! Either you tell me exactly what this means…or I’m finished!” He said revealing the dark bruise where his shoulder met his neck. The other bruises on his hips he wasn’t able to show him, but a small part of him wanted to feel Gabriel’s hands on him like that, his fingers covering the bruises perfectly as he drove into him. Carl shook off the sudden images in his mind and tried to focus on being angry, not taken with the man. 

“Finished are you? Want answers?” Anger and insult overpowered reason and Gabriel nodded. “Here’s an answer for you!” 

He threw his hands out; light brought on by temper rather than need flashed cold blue from his fingertips. A thin white mist swirled around his body, leaving only two golden eyes bright and clear. It was the eyes of the wolf, glinting at Carl as he bared his teeth in what might have been a sneer, his pelt gleaming midnight-black. 

The blood drained out of Carl’s head, left it light and giddy as the mists faded. He could hear in some dim distance, the harsh, ragged sound of his own breath and the trembling scream that sounded only in his mind. 

He stepped back, staggered. His vision grayed at the edges. Tiny lights danced in front of his eyes. When Carl’s knees buckled, Gabriel cursed ripely, and his hands caught Carl before he could fall. 

“Damn if you’ll faint on me and make me feel like a monster.” He eased Carl into a chair and shoved his head between his knees. “Catch your breath, and next time have a care what you wish for!” 

There was a hive of bees buzzing in his head, a hundred icy fingers skimming over his skin. Carl babbled something when Gabriel lifted his head. He would have pulled back, but Gabriel had his hands firm on either side of his face. “Just look,” he murmured, gently now. “Just look at me and be calm.” 

Awake and aware this time, Carl felt Gabriel’s mind touch his. Instinct set him struggling, and lifting his hands to push Gabriel away.

“No. Don’t fight me on this. I won’t harm you, Carl.” 

“No…no…you won’t.” Carl didn’t know how he was so certain. “Could I have some water?” 

Carl blinked at the glass he hadn’t known was in Gabriel’s hand, he hesitated and saw that flicker of annoyance. 

“It’s only water. You’ve my word on it.” 

“Your word…” He sipped, let out a shaky breath. 

“You’re a….” It was ridiculous, but he’d just seen it. “You’re a werewolf?” 

Gabriel’s eyes rounded in what could only be shock, then he shoved himself to his feet to look at Carl with baffled fury. “A werewolf? For the love of God, where do you come up with these things? A werewolf…” He muttered and prowled the room. “You’re not stupid, Carl. You never have been, just stubborn as all hell. It’s broad daylight isn’t it? Do you see a full moon out there? Did I come snapping for your throat?” 

“No.” Carl muttered in confusion. 

“I can’t believe you’ve forgotten who you are…your family has forgotten who they are.” 

Carl stared at him. “Who I am? I…I was adopted.” 

Gabriel felt the puzzle click into place and collapsed into a nearby chair. No wonder Carl didn’t know. 

“Adopted?” 

“Yes. When I was a baby, my parents…adopted me. I’ve known since I was sixteen. But what has that got to do with…with you... being…whatever you are?” Carl asked in utter confusion. His head ached with it all now. 

Gabriel sighed and explained to Carl about the Treibh Faol and the Sonuachar. Carl didn't speak the entire time Gabriel explained. He told of the Fey peoples of the world, told him of the Treibh Faol and how their numbers were dwindling, and how only with the love and presence of their Sonuachar could they remain in human form. He explained to Carl that *he* was a Sonuachar. That he was of this special breed of people, that he didn’t have the magical powers, other than the powers of soothing and tempering Gabriel’s magic. Of helping him remain in balance, and whole. 

When Gabriel stopped speaking there was an uncomfortable silence before Carl spoke. 

“Oh, well.” His laugh was quick and lightly hysterical. “That’s all right, then.” 

“Don’t cringe from me, Carl.” He snapped it out, cut to the core when Carl hugged his arms over his chest. “I’ve given you time to see, to prepare. I’d not have shown you so abruptly if you hadn’t pushed me.” 

“Time to see? To prepare? For this?” Carl ran an unsteady hand through his hair. “Who could? Maybe I’m dreaming again,” he murmured then bolted straight in the chair. “Oh my God…the bruises…they really weren’t just dreams.” 

Seeing Carl’s thoughts, Gabriel jammed his hands into his pockets. “I took nothing you weren’t willing to give.” 

“You…you made love to me…came to my bed while I slept and--” 

“Only to your mind. I kept my hands off you for the most part. “

“For the most part? What about the bruises?” 

“I...I can’t explain them. I didn’t do them physically, but…they...they manifested. I think because it’s so close…close to… Carl, what I told you was true, if I don’t become one with my mate, then I will always remain the wolf.” 

Carl blinked. “I’m supposed to believe all this?” 

“That you are.” 

“Believe that you are some magical being that can transform into a wolf at will? And you can come into my dreams whenever you like.” 

“Whenever you like as well. You wanted me as much as I wanted you, Carl.” 

“Gabriel, what you are talking about only happens in books, in the stories you are writing and the game I’m making.” 

“And in the world as well. You’ve been in that world. I’ve taken you there in your dreams. You remember last night, I can see it in your mind.” 

“Don’t look in my mind.” Carl jerked back, mortified because he... believed all of it. “Thoughts are private things.” 

“And yours are often so clear on your face I don’t have to look any further, Carl. I won’t look though if it upsets you.” 

“It does.” Carl caught his bottom lip between his teeth. “So you’re a psychic?” 

Gabriel huffed out a breath. “I’ve the power to see, if that’s what you mean, to cast a bit of magic, and to shift shapes at my will.” 

“Shape shifter? Good God,” Carl muttered. “You came to me as the wolf?”

“You weren’t afraid of me then. Others would have been but not you. You welcomed me in, put your arms around me, wept on my neck once. Said you loved me. Your blood, your soul, recognizes me, only your mind, filled with a life of not knowing who you really are, doesn’t. Open your mind Carl, hear what’s in your heart.” 

“You sat there while I was in the tub!” Carl snapped incredulously. 

“You’ve a wonderful body. Why should you be ashamed that I’ve seen it? Only hours ago in your dreams you asked me to touch you.” 

“That’s entirely different.” 

Something that might have been amusement flickered in Gabriel’s eyes. “Ask me to touch you now, knowing, and it will be even more different.” 

Carl swallowed hard. “Why haven’t you…touched me already then?” 

“You needed time to know me, and yourself. I’ve no right to take innocence, even when it’s offered, when no knowledge goes with it.” 

“I’m not that innocent,” Carl huffed and then blushed hotly from the lie. 

Standing up, Carl paced a bit trying to understand it all. “You...you turned me away that day because…you thought I wasn’t ready to know?” 

Gabriel nodded. “There’s more to it than just sex. It’s not that simple.” 

“So now that I do know?” 

“It’s your choice.” 

“My choice? But…if I don’t…you’ll one day turn into the wolf and never...never turn back?” 

“Yes.” 

Carl stopped moving in front of Gabriel. “But it’s my choice? To condemn you or save you?” 

“Yes, that’s the way it works.” 

“So, if I say yes…if you take me…if…if we…we make love,” Carl stammered a bit, “then you’ll be safe? Or is there something more to it?” 

“It’s not a virgin sacrifice. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for me, Carl. I don’t want that,” Gabriel said, moving away from the other man. 

“What will I feel?” Carl asked. “Because…when you only kiss me…I feel...so much.” He couldn’t put it into words. 

“It will be pleasure, you’ll burn with it, our souls will entwine and your life will be bound to mine. Forever, Carl. Remember when you said wolves mate for life? That’s what this is about. Why I had to wait. I could have taken you before, but that would have been unfair. You…wouldn’t have wanted that. And I can’t just take from someone that way.” 

“Bound,” Carl murmured, realizing there was much more to this than simply losing his virginity to Gabriel…much more. “What will you feel?” 

Gabriel smiled easing closer to him. “Delight, and desire, passion, the passion you wanted that you didn’t feel with others we’ll feel in each other. Like the dreams. You have power over me, Carl. Is that enough?” 

“I…don’t know. No one’s ever felt that for me…or me for them.” 

“I do.” Gabriel brought his hands up to touch Carl’s arms gently. “If you want it…want me, it’ll be forever, Carl, for life. Do you want that? If not you are free to walk away. I won’t judge you for it, or hate you for it.” 

“Gabriel.“ It was insanity. How could this be real? Yet everything he felt was so intense, so immediate when with Gabriel. Nothing would ever feel as right, he realized with a dull shock. “I believe this,” he whispered. “I want this…want you.” 

Gabriel looked into blue eyes and saw both fear and acceptance. “So do I, Carl.” 

The skim of his knuckles over Carl’s skin left a hot trail downward as Gabriel unbuttoned his shirt. Carl’s heart tumbled in his chest and Gabriel smiled. “You were in a hurry this morning,” he noted as he reached where the buttons were in the wrong holes. 

Gabriel’s fingers brushed down Carl’s skin, through golden curls on his chest to trace a fingernail lightly over an already hard nipple. Carl sucked in a breath and trembled. “You know I can’t stop you,” he whispered. 

“You can,” Gabriel whispered. “With but a word. I hope you won’t, but you can. Do you want me to touch you, Carl? Do you really want this? It isn’t just once, it’s for all time.” He felt that he had to get permission. This wasn’t a simple roll in the hay-- this was…forever. 

It took only a moment. “Yes.” More than he wanted to breathe, Carl realized. He’d wanted this for so long, he hadn’t even realized how much he wanted Gabriel until now. How much he loved him and simply couldn’t imagine his life without Gabriel in it.

“You said once that it shouldn’t be simple...it never was, not for either of us,” Gabriel whispered. With his eyes on Carl’s, he unbuttoned his jeans. Skilled fingertips skimmed under denim to tease, to awaken.

It was like a dream; Carl thought just one more glorious dream like all the rest. 

“Why do you want this?” Gabriel questioned one last time. 

“Because you’re in my mind, in my blood, in my heart,” Carl admitted. He’d loved Gabriel, he realized with sudden clarity, from the very moment he’d seen him on the cliffs. Gabriel smiled and Carl frowned at him. “Thoughts are private.” 

Gabriel laughed and smiled adoringly at the man in his arms. “You're in my mind, my blood, and my heart. I love you too, Carl,” he whispered, and watched as the words made Carl’s breath hitch. 

Gabriel’s lips skimmed over Carl’s jaw, and down his neck. The bruise from the dream seemed to fade before his very eyes and he smiled. //To be replaced by reality.// 

Carl jolted slightly as Gabriel’s thoughts sounded in his mind and Gabriel smiled against his skin. “Your thoughts may be private but my thoughts are yours. So you know…so you’ll be certain,” he whispered. 

“I am certain,” Carl whispered even as his fingers, shaking slightly with desire and need, tugged Gabriel’s shirt over his head. Then, with a kind of wonder, he spread his hands over the broad muscular chest. Feeling the strong heartbeat below, threading his fingers through soft dark curls. 

Hard, warm. Strength just on the edge of danger held ruthlessly in check. Carl wondered who was more dangerous, the man or the wolf? His fingers skimmed over and up to broad shoulders, and down the taut muscles of Gabriel’s arms. 

Carl’s gaze shot up to Gabriel’s dark with desire. “I’ve done this before…in my dreams…our dreams.” 

“With much the same results.” He’d intended his tone to be dry, but there was an edge to it that stunned Gabriel. Gently, he ordered himself. Carl should be treated gently. This would be his first time. “Will you move beyond dreams now, Carl?” 

For an answer Carl moved closer, and met Gabriel’s mouth with his own. Gabriel’s arms wound around him tight, and he whispered as he drew away from the sweetness of the kiss. “Hold tight.” 

Carl wasn’t sure what he meant and then he felt the air shudder, heard a rustle of wind. There was a sensation of rising, spinning, and then tumbling all in the space of a single heartbeat. Before fear could fully form, before the gasp of it could be shuddered from his mouth to Gabriel’s, he was lying beneath the taller man, dipped deep into a large bed. 

Carl’s eyes flew open. He could see the polished beams of a wood ceiling, the stream of sunlight. “But how—“ 

“I’ve magic for you, Carl.” His mouth moved to the vulnerable flesh of Carl’s throat, and then further down where the dream bruise had faded only to be replaced with a new one from Gabriel. 

They were in Gabriel’s bed, Carl realized. In the blink of an eye they’d moved from one room to another. And now Gabriel’s hands…oh, sweet Lord, how could the simple touch of flesh to flesh cause such *feeling*?

“Give me your thoughts, Carl, let me touch them and show you mine,” Gabriel asked, his voice deep and rough with desire. 

Carl opened his mind to Gabriel, gasping when he not only felt the heat of his body, the skim of his hands, but saw, the images forming out of the mists in his mind, the two of them tangled together. 

Every sensation now, every shimmering layer was reflected back, as if a thousand silver mirrors shone out of him. And so with a kiss only, one long, drugging kiss, Carl felt his body tremble with desire, so close to the edge. 

He moaned out the pleasure, the wonder of having his body slide against Gabriel’s, the sweat of their bodies making it easier for them to move. His arousal pressed hard against Gabriel and he felt his lover’s press into him. Hot and hard, and Carl’s hand drifted down, slipped between them to feel the hard length. Gabriel shifted his hips against the yielding body beneath him, his deep rumbling moan shook Carl, and he wanted more. 

“Gabriel, please…oh God, please,” he murmured, not even sure what he wanted, just needing to *feel* his lover. 

Gabriel settled himself between Carl’s legs, and looked up at his lover spread beneath him. His blue eyes wide with wonder and need, his arousal hard and pulsing against his stomach, leaking clear drops onto pale skin. 

Leaning forward, Gabriel allowed himself to taste, flicking his tongue out and catching the drops on the tip of his tongue. Just that ripped a deep moan from Carl, and he writhed against the sheets. “Gabriel.” The word came out as a soft plea and Gabriel dipped his head again to lick and taste his lover, savoring every moment. 

The animal that beat in his blood wanted to ravage, to grasp and plunge. He knew Carl would deny him nothing. Knowing that, he clamped down on those feelings and offered only tenderness. 

Carl moved beneath him, soft sighs fell from his lips and gentle fingers tangled in Gabriel’s hair as his lover’s mouth sealed around him and took his shaft deep. Carl moaned and shivered beneath the incredible heat sealed around him. When Gabriel looked up, their eyes met and he watched as Carl’s lips curved into a slow smile. 

“I’ve waited so long to feel like this.” Carl whispered as his fingers slid through dark hair. “I never knew I was waiting, for this, for you.” 

Gabriel drew away and smiled in return. “You are incredible, Carl. So incredible, I’ve waited so long to feel your body against mine,” he whispered. Leaning over, Gabriel took a small tube from the nightstand and slicked his fingers with it and then himself because he knew he wouldn’t be able to wait at the last moment. 

“It may hurt, love,” he whispered and Carl nodded. He’d always known it would, but he was prepared for that. 

Carl spread his legs wider in invitation, and Gabriel lowered over him again, taking the hard length deep into his mouth and swallowed around him. His own arousal was pulsing between his legs, but he refused to hurt Carl unnecessarily.

His fingers pressed against his lover, circling the tight entrance slowly, and he felt Carl tense for a moment from the strange feeling and then relax. Slowly, as his tongue pressed against the pulsing vein along the underside of the thick length in his mouth, Gabriel’s finger dipped inside the incredibly tight heat. It moved inside slowly until muscles clamped around the intrusion only for a moment before he withdrew and dipped in again. Slowly loosening the tight guardian ring, the finger delved deeper and Carl arched up slightly and moaned. “Please, Gabriel,” he whispered breathlessly. It felt strange but didn’t hurt. 

Slowly, Gabriel continued to prepare his lover, his finger moving within him, as his mouth made love to Carl. Carl writhed beneath him, arching up slightly into Gabriel’s mouth and back down to force the slick digit to slide further inside him. Once the muscle relaxed enough, Gabriel added a second finger, and Carl cried out when his lover’s fingers curled and brushed against his prostate, sending off shimmering lights behind his eyelids. 

Gabriel moaned around the thick shaft in his mouth as the tight heat surrounding his fingers gripped him and he thought about how amazing it would feel around his aching arousal. 

After long moments, his fingers moved with more ease within his lover, scissoring and twisting slightly as the muscles relaxed, and then he brushed against the tiny bundle of nerves again as he swallowed around his lover. Carl cried out, arched, and heat flashed. A sudden quick bolt to the center of his being and Carl spilled within his lover’s mouth. 

Gabriel continued to lavish the spent arousal for a few moments before drawing away. Shifting on his knees he withdrew his fingers from the clenching passage and positioned his leaking arousal against him. “I love you, Carl. I don’t want to hurt you, but it will…I can’t help that,” he whispered. 

Carl nodded. “I know, love…I know,” he whispered in return. He was so relaxed after his climax though, he was sure it wouldn’t hurt quite as much. When he felt his lover press against him and begin to slip inside he groaned. The stretch and burn did ache but it was worth it, he shifted his hips encouragingly. “Please, Gabriel. I know you won’t hurt me,” he whispered. 

Slowly, Gabriel sank into incredibly tight heat, gritting his teeth and trying to hold onto any measure of control as the muscles contracted around him almost stealing his breath away. 

“So damn tight,” he murmured. 

Carl trembled with a combination of desire, passion, and pain, but encouraged his lover. He shifted his hips to meet his lover and gasped as Gabriel sunk into him completely. He was filled so fully, and a dull ache registered but it was nothing compared to the sheer joy he felt being filled by the man he’d quite simply been born to love. 

Gabriel paused, giving Carl a moment to adjust, and his lover’s arms slipped around him, drawing him down for a deep kiss. Carl’s tongue slipped along his own and lit a fire deep within. 

Moaning into the kiss, Gabriel began to move, shallow thrusts that drew out longer and longer each time. When they finally broke the kiss he gazed into Carl’s eyes, filled with a mix of sheer desire and love that almost took his breath away. 

“Carl,” he murmured softly only to have his lover smile up at him adoringly. 

“I love you,” Carl whispered and shifted his hips to meet his lover’s thrusts. His eyes sank closed for a moment, as he simply moved with his lover. Their bodies moved as one, and as the pace increased Carl clung to Gabriel. He murmured mindlessly as he was taken to the edge again. As their passion built faster and faster, Carl’s lips met Gabriel’s in a greedy kiss. 

Gabriel felt Carl’s arousal trapped between them, and when his hand wrapped around it Carl’s surprised gasp made him smile. 

Carl wasn’t even aware that he’d become aroused again so quickly until Gabriel’s hand wrapped around him so firmly, stroking him in time with their bodies movements. 

Gabriel could feel his magic sparkle around them, blanketing them and driving their passion higher. He’d had other lovers in his life, and nothing could compare to this, to what he felt in Carl’s arms. 

Carl’s hips thrust up into the welcome grasp and back down, impaling him on his lover’s hard shaft. Gabriel drew away to watch Carl’s expressive eyes where shock and pleasure warred as he urged him closer and closer to the edge again. “Now, Carl, come with me,” Gabriel whispered as he thrust deep within his lover. He felt the muscles contract around him, and at exactly the same moment Gabriel drove into him deep, Carl spilled over the fingers stroking him. 
Carl cried out Gabriel’s name with a kind of wonder and Gabriel moaned with his release, burying his face against Carl’s neck. The magic sparkled between them, through them, and the bond was made. Shuddering in the aftermath, Gabriel simply kissed his lover’s neck over and over again. 

They lay together for long moments, clinging to one another. A small smile curved Carl’s lips as he lazily stroked Gabriel’s hair and felt his inner muscles continue to contract and release around his lover’s spent arousal. He even wondered how long it would be before Gabriel would want him again. He felt greedy for the thought but laughed softly when a muffled voice said, “I already do.” Gabriel’s voice was thick and low and Carl shook his head. 

“So much for thoughts being private.” 

He felt, rather than saw Gabriel’s smile. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carl must have slept. Though he remembered nothing about falling asleep except curling around Gabriel. He stirred, and found himself alone. 

Sunny morning had become rainy afternoon. The sound of its steady patter, and the golden haze that seemed to linger inside his body, both urged him to simply snuggle back to sleep again. 

But curiosity got the better of him. This was Gabriel’s bed, he thought smiling foolishly. His room. Shoving himself up from the pillows he looked around. 

The room was as he’d imagined. It suited Gabriel perfectly. There was a tall chair with its back carved in a similar style to the headboard with a deep blue throw tossed over one of its arms. 

He rose, stretched, and felt his muscles ache slightly. It wasn’t unpleasant though and the memory of why he ached was certainly pleasant. Carl smiled and looked around for his clothes. Downstairs, he remembered with a jolt. He didn’t even remember how all of them had come off. Then he grinned. Magic. He wasn’t sure if he was losing his mind, but he believed it. Believed all of it. Had felt it, as Gabriel had made love to him. 

Lacking anything else to wear, he pulled the throw around him and started toward the door to find Gabriel. Just as he reached the door it opened and almost made him yelp. 

“I thought you might be hungry,” Gabriel said, walking in with a tray laden with cups of coffee and cookies. The same type of cookies that Carl had brought that day they’d first kissed. He laughed softly and walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge. 

“Thanks. So…so…um, what now?” Carl asked as Gabriel sat down in the chair facing him. 

“What now? Well…I told you before…we are bound now,” he said, watching Carl’s eyes and hoping that Carl wasn’t regretting everything that had happened. 

“So…what does that mean, though? I mean, I understand that the bonding saved you, and that…well, you said you loved me, and I love you…I…I guess, I’m just wondering what now?” Carl asked uneasily. This all was so completely over his head that he was having a hard time even asking the questions that were floating around in his mind. 

“I do love you,” Gabriel said and his lips curved into a smile when he saw the way Carl’s eyes lit when he said the words. “And…well, it means, if you want to, I won’t force you, but…you can move here…with me. We are bound like any…married couple, Carl. You are free to live at the MacDonald’s cabin I suppose if you want to, but…it’d be much more convenient to have you here.” 

“Convenient?” Carl asked nibbling on one of the cookies. 

Gabriel laughed, “Well I should think I shouldn’t have to go hunt down my mate every time I’d like to kiss him, or talk to him. We are working together too, so...well…it just makes sense…” 

Carl laughed and slid off the bed. Moving over to Gabriel, he straddled his long legs and sat down. “I was just curious, you shouldn’t be so nervous,” he grinned. 

“You said your thoughts were private, so I had no idea what you were wanting to know…or…if you had regrets,” Gabriel answered seriously as his arms wound around Carl’s waist. 

Carl leaned in and kissed Gabriel gently. “No regrets, just…curiosity. Today has been quite a lot to lay on a person, Gabriel. Even you have to admit that.” 

“I do. I didn’t intend to reveal it all the way I did…I was angry.” 

“You had a right to be and so did I until I understood. I do love you, Gabriel. I do believe, and I already planned to stay here in the area…you just saved me from having to go house hunting,” he teased and Gabriel grinned and shook his head. 

They sat that way for a little while; Gabriel’s arms comfortably wrapped around Carl’s waist and simply listened to the rain. 

“What will your family think?” Gabriel asked suddenly. 

Carl sighed and rested his forehead against his lover’s. “They already think I’ve lost my mind. Not that I’m mentioning shape shifting, and magic to them, but just the mere idea I’m moving in with a man I’ve known for approximately two months…will shake them up a bit.” 

“Don’t let them hurt you, Carl. I don’t like it when they hurt you like that,” Gabriel said softly. 

“I know. Now that I know more...now…I understand why I was so different than they wanted me to be. I always wondered why I could never fit their mold. I always thought there was something wrong with me. They adopted a child; they thought was just a normal child, one they could mold to be like them. They couldn’t have known what I was, no more than I knew,” Carl said softly. 

“You’ve actually taken all this far better than I thought you might,” Gabriel admitted. 

“Is that why you waited so long? Put yourself at risk because you wanted to make sure I would be able to handle it?” Carl asked quietly. 

“In a manner of speaking,” Gabriel answered. 

Carl simply smiled and pressed a gentle kiss against Gabriel’s lips. “We can move my things over here tomorrow, since it’s raining.” 

“I can move them now.” Gabriel grinned and Carl laughed. 

“Oh…you are going to be handy aren’t you?” 

“Sometimes…when I’ve a mind to be.” 

“Hmmm…well, I don’t think I’ll be needing anything today. Why don’t you come back to bed?” Carl asked, feeling slightly bold and licking at his lover’s lips. 

“Hmmm…why don’t I?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Epilogue

Carl had flown back to Los Angeles to take care of a few things and to sign some paperwork for his former landlord there. He had asked Gabriel to come with him, had wanted him to meet his parents but Gabriel had said that he thought it might be best, at least this time, if he didn’t. 

He still resented Carl’s parents for the way they treated him, and he wasn’t sure he could behave in a civilized manner toward them for the three days Carl would be there. 

They had only been bound for a month. He thought that they both could use a little time apart. They both required their little pieces of solitude from time to time. But the longer Carl was gone, the more Gabriel found that he missed him. Just knowing he wasn’t only a half-mile away but hundreds of miles away bothered him more than he ever thought possible. 

He had offered to pick Carl up at the airport, but Carl had said there wasn’t a need to. He wished now that he had refused to agree to that. He missed him. Missed his bright eyes and cheerful smile…missed *Carl*. 

He would be home soon, he kept telling himself. But he’d spoken to him hours ago when he’d landed at the airport, where the devil was he? he wondered as he roamed aimlessly around their house. 

He could have looked, but it would be unfair. Carl deserved his privacy; often enough demanded it, except when they made love. Carl would offer himself completely to Gabriel in such a way that it was staggering. Carl was generous and giving as a lover, as a mate, and Gabriel tried to tell himself this need he felt, this desire to see Carl so badly it made his heart ache, was only physical need. He loved Carl deeply, but he knew his desire for him was simple longing. Longing for the taste of him, the shape, the scent, the way his body moved against Gabriel’s. 

He’d been gentle with Carl, always. No matter how is blood burned, he’d treated him carefully. When every instinct clawed at him to take more, he’d held back. Carl was to be treated gently, he reminded himself. It was Gabriel’s responsibility to control the tone of their lovemaking, to yank back the fury of it before he frightened Carl. 

But he did want more, craved it. And being apart from his mate for three of the longest days of his life had nearly driven him crazy. 

After all, why shouldn’t he have that? Why should he hold back? Gabriel jammed his hands in his pockets and strode up and down the porch. Why the devil shouldn’t he take Carl as he pleased? They were mates, bonded; Carl had made the decision to accept him. All aspects of him. Had he not? 

Gabriel had enough of waiting around and finally looked. Carl was already driving up the mountain road to their home. He could wait a while longer. After all it was just another fifteen minutes or so. Then he remembered. “Damn it,” he hissed. Carl would be going to the MacDonald’s cabin to meet the Realtor and tell him that he wouldn’t be continuing his lease. He’d planned it the week before. 

Gabriel continued to pace, each moment he grew more and more irritated at himself. As he paced, his temper and passion stirring to life grew more fierce and more restless. He’d had enough of minding his step with Carl. He couldn’t spend a lifetime holding a part of himself back from his lover. 

After an hour-and-a-half, he finally looked again and saw that Carl was alone, standing on the steps of the MacDonald’s cabin watching as the Realtor’s car passed beyond sight. 

Gabriel didn’t wait a second longer before he flung up his arms. The flash of light that snapped out slowly simmered to a glow. 

Carl was still smiling as the Realtor had driven away. He had faced his parents and Lucas and had told them about Gabriel. He had fudged the truth when they asked why Gabriel didn’t come to meet them. Told them instead that his lover was working and unable to get away. Unbelievably, they had accepted that and not pushed. 

He felt…different somehow. Like everything had clicked into place since he and Gabriel had bonded. He felt…settled. It was a good feeling to know, he decided. 

Thinking about his husband, Carl smiled and started toward his car. As he moved, the air shook around him and a sort of dim, dizzy panic hit him. Earthquake? he thought for a moment.

He felt himself spin, the wind whipped around him. Light, bright and blinding, flashed in front of his eyes. He tried to call out to Gabriel but the words stuck in his throat. 

Then Carl was crushed against him, lights still whirling, wind still rushing as Gabriel’s mouth ravaged his. 

Carl couldn’t get his breath, couldn’t find a single coherent thought. His heart thundered in his chest, in his head as he struggled for a moment. Suddenly his feet were dangling in the air as Gabriel yanked him up with a strength that was both casual and terrifying. 

His mouth was brutal on Carl’s, hard and greedy as it swallowed his gasps. Gabriel was in his mind as well, tangled in his thoughts, ruthlessly seducing it as he seduced Carl’s body. Unable to separate the two, Carl began to shake. 

“Gabriel, wait—“ 

“I’ve missed you. Not waiting. Not anymore.” He dragged Carl’s head back by his hair so that Carl had one terrifying glimpse of the fire in Gabriel’s eyes. “Want what I am.” 

His teeth raked against Carl’s throat, spurred on by each helpless whimper. And with a flash of light they tumbled into their bed a half-mile away. “I need you.” 

Carl seemed to melt under the simple declaration and his mind whispered, yes. 

Heat came in floods, sensations struck almost violently. Everything was a confused mass of wrenching feelings as Gabriel drove him beyond the civilized. He was the wolf now, Carl thought, as his lover tore at his clothes. If not in form, at least in temperament. Carl heard the growl sound savage and wild in his lover’s throat as his skin was bared. 

He’d never felt anything like this in his life…and it was absolutely glorious. There was no time to think, only racing forward for more as every nerve inside him seemed scraped raw and sparkling. Carl’s breath heaved out of tortured lungs, his body arching and twisting, energized by every new outrageous demand. 

Normally gentle hands bruised him, smooth teeth nipped and each separate, small pain was the darkest of pleasures. 

And somewhere inside Carl came the answering call for more. 

Gabriel yanked him up so that they knelt on the bed, torso to torso, and his hands sought to find more. Take more. Freed, the animal inside him devoured, and it ravaged, and still it hunted. 

Hands slipped over flesh slick with sex. Mouths met like thunder. They rolled over the bed, locked and lost together. Desire had fangs, and a voice that howled like a beast. 

There was no gentleness between them now, only need, raw and greedy. Gabriel’s slick fingers found his entrance and Carl cried out, needing to feel more. He spread his legs further in invitation and shuddered. 

“You’ll come with me.” Gabriel panted it out as he drew back and rained greedy kisses against kiss-swollen lips. With one jerk, he lifted Carl’s hips, and plunged deep within. 

Hot, hard, fast, their bodies and minds climbed together. He buried himself deep, locking his teeth on Carl’s shoulder as he drove into him with savage thrusts. Mindlessly, Carl locked around him, hungering for each dark and dangerous thrill. Energy pumped through him, wild and thrilling, so his movements and demands were as fierce as Gabriel’s. 

Blood called to blood and heart to heart. Gabriel’s hand wrapped around the hard shaft trapped between them as they moved and with one last violent stroke, and one low feral cry he emptied into Carl. And Carl willingly let himself come apart. 

For a long moment Gabriel tried to catch his breath. He knew he weighed heavily on Carl, could feel the quick, hard trembles that shook Carl beneath him. Carl’s breath sounded short and harsh in his ear and it shamed him.

He’d used him without control. Deliberately, purposefully, and selfishly. 

It was perfectly clear that he’d allowed himself to rationalize it for his own needs, and gave Carl no choice as he’d taken him like a beast rutting in the woods. 

He’d sacrificed compassion for passion, kindness for a momentarily physical release. He was too appalled to speak, too stunned to move.

Now he had to face the consequences: Carl’s fear of him and his own discarding of his most sacred vow--To never harm Carl. 

He rolled aside and slipped from his lover’s body, not quite ready to look at his lover’s face. He imagined it would be pale, blue eyes glazed with fear. 

“Carl…” He cursed himself again. Every apology he could think of had less substance than air. 

“Gabriel.” He sighed it. When he shifted to curl against Gabriel, and his lover pulled away abruptly, then rose to go to the window, doubt came crashing in. 

Gabriel spoke without turning. “Do…would you like some water?” 

“No.” Carl’s body felt completely spent but he managed to sit up. He studied his lover’s stiff back and he began to wonder if he’d done something wrong. 

“What did I do wrong?” 

“What?” Gabriel glanced back. Carl’s hair was sticking up at odd angles that normally would be fondly amusing and his skin showed the marks of his hands and teeth on him. He looked down unable to face what he himself had done to his lover. 

“I thought—well, but obviously I wasn’t…I don’t have any experience with what just happened here,” Carl said with a faint edge to his voice. “If I did something wrong, or didn’t do something you were expecting, the least you can do is tell me.” 

Gabriel could only stare. “Are you out of your mind?” 

“I’m perfectly rational.” So much so he wanted to bury his head in the pillow, pound his fists on the bed and scream. “Maybe I don’t know a great deal about sex in practice, but I do know that without communication and honesty, that aspect of a relationship, as any other, is bound to fail.” 

“He’s giving me a lecture,” he murmured, dragging both hands through his hair. “At such a time he’s giving me a fucking lecture.” 

“Fine. Don’t listen.” Insulted, mortally wounded, Carl climbed out of bed and winced slightly from the ache of his muscles. He grabbed the edge of the sheet and wiped away the evidence of their lovemaking. “You just stay there brooding out the window and I’ll…go…downstairs or something,” he said waving his hands slightly. 

“You’ve a right to be angry, Carl.” 

“I certainly do.” And he wasn’t about to stand there having an argument without any clothes on. He marched to the closet and dragged out a robe. 

“I’ll apologize, Carl, but it seems weightless after what I just did to you. You had my word I wouldn’t hurt you, and I broke it.” 

Unsure, Carl turned back, lifting the robe in front of him rather than slipping it on. “Hurt me?” 

“I wanted you. I missed you. I didn’t think beyond that. Deliberately didn’t think beyond it. I took what I pleased and I hurt you.” 

It wasn’t annoyance in his eyes, Carl realized. It was guilt. “You didn’t hurt me, Gabriel.” 

“There are marks on you that I put there, Carl. I bruised you with carelessness. I can fix it easily enough, but—“ 

“Wait a minute, just a minute.” Carl held up a hand as Gabriel started toward him. 

Gabriel stopped immediately, winced before he could prevent it. “I don’t mean to touch you but to take the bruises away.” 

“Just leave my bruises where they are.” To give himself time to sort it out, Carl turned away and slipped on the robe. “You’re upset because you wanted me?” 

“Because I wanted you enough to forget myself.” 

“Really?” Carl asked smiling when he turned back and was thrilled to see Gabriel’s eyes narrow in what had to be confusion. “Well…I’m delighted. No one’s ever wanted me enough for that. I never imagined they could. My imagination isn’t that…expansive,” he decided. 

It was Carl who stepped closer to Gabriel. “Now I don’t have to imagine, because I know.” 

Gabriel combed his fingers through Carl’s hair before he realized he wanted to. Needed to. “I took your thoughts after you asked me not to so many times.” 

“And gave me yours. Under those particular circumstances, I’m not complaining. What happened just now was thrilling. It was wonderful. You made me feel desired. Outrageously desired, Gabriel. The only thing that would hurt me is if you’re sorry for it.” 

Carl was more than he understood, he realized. And his needs were less… fragile than he thought. “Then I’m not a bit sorry.” Still he took Carl’s hand, slid up the sleeve of the robe. “Let me take the bruises away. I don’t want marks on you, Carl. It matters to me.” 

When Gabriel kissed his fingers, Carl smiled, feeling his heart flip in his chest. Within moments he felt the tiny aches fade away. 

“Will I ever get used to it, do you think?” 

“To what?” 

“Magic.” 

Gabriel smiled. “I don’t know…but the fact you're here tells me that you're still willing to try.” 

“I will always be willing to try. I will always be here, by your side. And you…can share everything with me, Gabriel; your passion, your hopes, your dreams, your desires, everything, love. You don’t frighten me, and you never have. And knowing that you missed me *that* much, to forget yourself…means more to me than you can ever imagine.” 

Leaning forward, Gabriel pressed a gentle kiss against Carl’s lips. “I do love you that much, and more.” 

“And I love you,” Carl whispered in return. “I have to admit…I do love the way you greet me after a few days away. Maybe I should take more trips like that.” 

Laughing, Gabriel gathered Carl in his arms and tugged him toward their bed. “Oh, no you don’t. You aren’t leaving here without me, ever again. I practically went crazy without you.” 

Carl smiled and ran his fingers through Gabriel’s hair as they lay back down on the bed. “I missed you too…so very much. Then I promise, no more trips without you.” 

“Good.” 

And when they kissed this time, it was slow and gentle as they curled around one another in their bed. Carl had never imagined having someone want him so much, and Gabriel had never imagined having someone who would accept him, *all* of him, the way Carl did. 

For years to come they loved one another in their cabin in the woods of Washington state, and the wolf had found peace, no longer roaming the woods and the rocky coast seeking his mate. //Love no longer waited, but found its mark.// 

***** 

THE END