Title: No Turning Back
Author: Sairalinde
Type: SLASH Fan Fic
Pairing: Viggo/Sean B.
Rating: Explicit Sex
WARNING: Language
Beta: Glorfindel
Disclaimer: This never happened…this is total fiction…Viggo, Sean, and Orlando are all real people but I make no claims on them. This was written in fun that's all. None of it is real.
Feedback: Yes please send to sairalinde@hornofgondor.com
Archiving: Yes but ask first please.
Summary/Notes: Sean has a dilemma…Viggo helps him through it.

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[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7 ]

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Chapter 3

The next morning I wake up with Viggo's arm wrapped around me. God I wasn't drunk and it wasn't a dream. I still am not quite sure how I feel about this. I take a deep breath and Viggo pulls me against his chest tighter. His warm breath is causing goose bumps down my arms. I shiver and then I hear his voice say sleepily. "You cold?" "No...just a cold chill is all." I say lamely. I can almost hear his smile behind me. "So you want some breakfast?" Viggo asks as if nothing happened. "Uh sure." I say still off balance...it seems my entire world tipped over last night. So much has changed but he's treating me like he always has. Not sure what I expected otherwise though. I feel him get up and the warmth that was there before is gone...I almost regret agreeing to breakfast now, but then we had to get up sometime. We have to get up and face this new world somehow.

I lie in the same spot listening to the shower and waiting until he returns from the bathroom. He comes out with his hair damp and his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, his jeans are on but unbuttoned, no shirt, and his hair is standing up a bit...and Christ I still want him.

It's not out of my system...I still want Viggo. Fuck...in the back of my mind I thought if I went through with it last night I would get him out of my system and be done with it. Now I know differently. Now I know that Viggo is like a drug I am addicted to.

He grabs a shirt out of the closet and steps back into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. I lay there a bit longer and he leaves the room.

I sit up and regret that some. I am sore in places I have never been sore before...but then I smile to myself it was worth it. Yes it was definitely worth it...I have never felt anything like I did last night. Even if it's a one- time deal it's worth it. Who am I kidding I don't want it to be a one time deal? We didn't discuss the future...what if Viggo doesn't want more? What if last night was his way of clearing the air between us and there won't be another time? I need to stop thinking...get up...get dressed...and get the bloody hell out of Viggo's bedroom. I get dressed and go in the bathroom...Viggo left a new toothbrush on the counter still in the shiny plastic wrapper. New toothbrush? Not sure what that means exactly. Does it not mean anything...or does he have so many unexpected house guests that he keeps extras or just happened to have an extra or did he plan this? God I need to quit doing this.

I wash up and walk into the kitchen.

Viggo is standing at the counter chopping some vegetables. I look down at his bare feet...they are almost always bare. I think I like that about him though. He doesn't care about convention. He doesn't care what anyone else thinks…he is just Viggo and if you can't handle that then piss on you.

I pull up a chair and sit down. He turns and smiles at me and then hands me a cup of tea...it's that Yerba Matè shite he loves so much. He watches me eye the cup and grins.

"Sorry don't have any Earl Grey."

"It's ok." I say trying to prepare my mouth for the different tasting brew. It's not bad...just not used to it is all...maybe honey will make it taste better. "Uh Vig...um you have anything I can use in this...uh honey maybe?"

"Yeah...sorry...just a sec." He says walking over to the pantry. I watch the way his muscles move under his clothes.

"I sometimes take it with honey myself...depending on my mood."

I smile at him and start the long wait for the honey in the stupid little bear- shaped bottle to finally reach the top and slowly dribble into my cup. I notice he is watching me with an amused expression on his face.

"What?"

"You aren't a morning person are you Sean?" He asked cracking an egg into a bowl.

"Guess not." I say frowning at the damn slow honey. Squeezing the bottle didn't help only got like three drops. Then when I released it the air sucked the rest back up into the bottle further. I nearly muttered something and then suddenly Viggo jerks the stupid bear out of my hand closes it...slams it against the table which makes me jump nearly out of my skin and then he opens it, turns it up, and honey begins pouring out.

"Works with ketchup too." Viggo says to me as I sit back a bit stunned.

"I have tried that before with ketchup and only ended up with it all over me." I say remembering an incident with the girls last year and some French fries.

Viggo laughed. "Then maybe I just have the magic touch." He says turning back to mixing the eggs with some milk.

I just stare at his back and think yeah...yeah you do and I am certainly not thinking about honey or ketchup...though the honey could be useful. I refrain from smacking my head against the table at that thought.

"Uh Viggo?" I have to ask now...was this a one time deal...but how to ask?

"Yeah Sean?" He says with his back still to me. Bloody hell I can't ask this to his back!

"Umm...can you leave the eggs for a minute...um I need to ask you something?" I manage to stammer it out.

"Sure." Viggo says sliding into the chair across from me.

I have a hard time meeting that blue gaze of his...last night oh God his eyes changed from the normally cold blue gray to a bright shimmering blue when he was over me and under me...get your mind back on track Sean he is expecting you to say something you dolt.

"I um was wondering...about last night." I stammered. Oh so smooth Sean...you are supposed to be a fucking actor, Sean stop stammering!

Viggo looks at me for a few seconds. Then he sits back and begins tracing a pattern on the table with his fingertips.

"Sean...last night...do you regret it?" He asks almost tentatively.

"No!" I blurt before I think. "Um no, no Vig I don't regret it but I am not sure where it puts us."

I say trying to explain. "I'd say it puts us right where we are." Viggo says.

Fuck...what kind of answer is that? It's a Viggo answer that's what it is. I blink a few times and then I ask. "Where exactly is that then?"

He smiles at me; one of those great smiles he has...one that makes me smile back because I just can't help it.

"We are friends, Sean...always that first right?" He asks this time I can tell he isn't quite as sure of himself as he has been.

"Of course." I say automatically, how could he not think we were friends?

"Ok. So now we are just much closer friends...well a bit more than that I guess...I haven't exactly gone down on any of my other close male friends." Viggo seems to be thinking out loud on that last bit and I stare at him surprised to find he is as ruffled as I am.

He looks up at me then and I can see some emotion flash in his eyes...something I have never seen there before. Just as quickly he hides it as his eyes flicker away from mine.

"Vig...I think that we could say we are a lot more than just friends now. I just wanted to know if it was going to happen again...or if last night was a one time deal to just get it over with...or out of our systems...or whatever." I say loosing my resolve on that last bit.

"Do you want it to be a one time thing?" He asks me and I seriously want to smack him now.

"That's what I was asking you." I counter getting more frustrated and shifting in my chair. Viggo really can be very difficult to have a conversation with sometimes.

"Oh." He nods and looks down at his hands in thought. I like Vig's hands they are callused and rough but they have so much talent and now I know they have such tenderness...wait a minute tenderness?

His touches were always tender last night, almost loving. This morning...oh Christ he held me all night! I feel strange as realization pours over me then I look at him. Viggo is still looking at his hands and I reach across the table and take them in mine. His eyes snap up to mine.

"No, I don't want it to be a one time thing." I say softly and I see a light in his eyes that wasn't there before. He wanted to hear that and damn if I didn't want to say it.

"Sean, this might be awkward though...on set...I mean our other friends might not understand." Viggo says worriedly which surprises me.

Normally Viggo could care less what anyone else thinks, although knowing him he is saying it for my benefit.

I laugh then. "Ian will be thrilled...as for the others umm Billy and Dom have gotten mighty close themselves."

Viggo looks at me a bit strangely and then says, "Dom and Billy? I thought that was just a rumor?"

"Nope. I uh I walked in on them during what one might call an intimate moment in the wardrobe trailer last week." I say smiling.

"Oh." He says softly and then leans forward and smiles conspiratorially. "How intimate?" I laugh then but I see that emotion in his eyes again…it's almost pained.

"Sean, I was so afraid last night...it may not have seemed I was, but I was terrified you would turn me away...or worse want to kick my ass but what scared me the most was loosing your friendship. I had to try though and now I am glad I did, but damn I been on pins and needles since last night." He says it all in a rush and letting out a breath as if he had been holding it from the night before.

"You bloody wanker you certainly had me fooled!" I say smiling at him.

Viggo smiled back, "Well we are actors aren't we?"

I just shake my head and laugh harder. He deserved a fucking Oscar for this acting job that's for sure.

I look down and realize I still have his hands cradled in mine. That feels right...this feels right...last night was right. Then I feel it...my world seems to tip again and this time everything clicks back into place. No I never wanted a relationship with a man before…but I want Viggo. What does that say about me exactly?

Viggo looks at me again and I see the panic back in his eyes again.

"What?" I asked worried.

"Your divorce...this...us…its not going to be good for that." He says it so sadly that I want to pull him into my arms and just hold him. I can handle the brooding Viggo, the silly Viggo, the nature-loving-nut-case-artist-poet Viggo, but the vulnerable one I am seeing before me now just makes me want to wrap him up in my arms.

"Then we keep it a secret at least until the divorce is final." I say simply. That's all we can do really...if people figure it out...if there are rumors fine...there are always rumors on movie sets.

"Sean you know as well as I do that keeping secrets on a long movie shoot doesn't work." Viggo says so seriously that I start to squirm a bit. I know what's coming next.

"I don't want to say this but I was wrong…I am sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you last night it was too soon. I should have waited until your divorce was final…I think…I think maybe we should put this…whatever it is that's happening between us on hold until then." He says softly.

"You didn't push me into anything I hadn't already been thinking about for weeks now." I had to admit that to him I couldn't let him think he was the only one at fault here. Besides he didn't force me to do anything. "Besides you did ask me." I say as an afterthought.

"Yeah with my hand wrapped around your dick." He says scowling.

I laugh. "Yeah…but I still could have said no."

He tries to smile but I see that it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "So what now?" He asks.

"Uh…well we keep it a secret at least for a little while as best we can…and if it comes out so be it. I can't just go back to the way things were before…not after last night." I say praying he agrees.

I stare at him for a minute and then I say. "So what do you think?"

"Alright…besides after last night I am not sure I could keep my hands off you anyway." Viggo says making us both laugh.

"So you hungry?" I ask as my stomach growls.

Viggo laughs again and gets back up to make the eggs he stopped making earlier. I take a drink of the matè that has gone cold but has lots of honey in it…I can get used to this stuff I think. I look at Viggo's back and I know I can definitely get used to this. I know keeping this a secret isn't going to be easy, but life never really has been easy has it?

I sit back and just watch Viggo at the stove rolling up his sleeves and pouring eggs into a skillet. We can do this. Maybe the others will notice us lusting after each other. Hell Ian already thinks I am infatuated with Viggo…and I have to admit now that I am. To the rest of the cast it will appear unrequited lust. We are both actors and damn good ones…we can pull this off…at least I am sure Viggo can after his "performance" last night. He had me fooled completely. Then I remember the toothbrush.

"Hey Vig?" I ask.

"Hmm?" He says turning eggs in the skillet.

"Uh, the toothbrush this morning?" I ask.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah?" Viggo asks.

"Did you plan last night?" I ask unsure how I will feel about the answer.

He stops moving. "No, not in that way. The toothbrush was just an extra. Got it from the dentist a few weeks back when I got my tooth knocked out. I didn't need the new one so I just put it away. I saw it this morning when I opened the medicine cabinet and figured you'd appreciate it…I didn't plan this Sean at least not beyond asking you to come over last night and hoping something might happen." Viggo explained.

"Why, would it matter if I had?" Viggo asked then, grabbing a plate and scooping eggs onto it.

"Not really." I say standing up and getting silverware out of the drawer by the sink.

After breakfast I look over at Viggo. He is thinking about something I can tell by the way he is staring past me out the window. He does that a lot just stares into nothing it seems. It's his artist mind working over something I think. I stand up and his eyes focus on me.

"You going home?" He asks.

"Yeah I need to take care of a few things. Umm you wanna come over for dinner tonight?" I ask.

"Sure...what time?" Viggo asks.

"Around six?" I ask.

"Sure." He says following me to the door. Just before I open it I turn and look at him. The feeling washes over me of just how right this feels. I pull him into my arms and kiss him deeply. When we step back from each other we both smile.

"See ya later." I say as I open the door to leave.

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