Here With Me Chapter 13
Title: Here With Me 13/?
Author: Anorien and Sairalinde
Type: RPS
Pairing: Craig/David
Rating: NC-17
Beta: Ourselves
Warning: Abuse described in later chapters not between the main pairing.
Disclaimer: This never happened. This was written in fun that's all.
Feedback: Yes please send to sairalinde @ hornofgondor.com
or thechroniclesofosgiliath @ yahoo.com
Archiving: OEAM, Mirrormere, The Chronicles of Osgiliath, Saira's Library, CxD Archive, other's ask.
Summary: A.U. Two University Professors try to overcome their pasts and find love and healing.

// indicates thoughts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the phone rang David smiled at Craig, who was pouring them some tea after they had gotten back from the stable. "I'll get it," he said as he walked into the hallway and picked up the phone. Answering it the person on the other end said that it was Abundant Life Hospital. David frowned about to say they had the wrong number when they said they were calling for Craig Parker about Lucas Parker. David was shocked but walked across the hall carrying the phone. "Craig, it's...it's for you. Abundant Life Hospital," he said holding the cordless phone out for Craig who had an unreadable look in his eyes. David stood for a moment beside the counter but he didn't want to eavesdrop so he decided to give Craig some privacy and walked into the den.

Craig's smile was quickly erased as David announced who was on the line. The blood drained from his face, and he reached out with a shaky hand to take the phone, staring at it dumbly for a moment. His mouth was suddenly dry and his heart filled with dread as he tried to work up the courage to speak. He wanted David to be with him for this - these calls were never good - but then again, he was too embarrassed to have to explain how things were with Lucas…..no, with * his father *. Taking a deep breath, he held the phone to his ear, his free hand gripping the edge of the counter.

The conversation was short, and to the point. Lucas had taken a turn for the worse, and the doctors wanted to make sure Craig was aware of his condition. His first instinct was to rush to the hospital, but each time he did, his father had to be sedated. Craig's face brought back too many memories - memories of Lucas' life before he was reduced to his current state. The attending physician had finally asked Craig to stop coming, and Craig had agreed that that was for the best. He simply paid the monthly fee, hoped that the staff took good care of his father, and tried to remember him as he was before Craig's mother had died. He pressed the 'off' button, laid the phone down, and rested his head on his arms.

David could hear that Craig was no longer talking and looked over at the phone on the end table, the 'in use' light was off. Walking back to the kitchen , he found Craig with his head down resting on his arms with the phone beside him. David walked over and lay his hand on the small of Craig's back gently, "Is everything alright?" he asked softly, worried about his lover.

Craig swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to blink back his tears. Taking a deep breath, he kept his head down and turned, wrapping his arms around his lover and buried his face in David's shirt. "I'm fine, love," he said, glad to hear that his voice sounded almost normal. "So…..do you still want to go read for a while? Or are you hungry? I can fix us something to eat in just a few minutes." He pulled away, still not ready to look at the man he loved, knowing that with one look into his eyes, David would see all that he wasn't sure he could talk about just yet. He quietly opened the refrigerator, pretending to search for food.

David watched as Craig pulled away not looking him in the eye and followed him to the refrigerator, slowly shutting the door and turning Craig to face him. "What is it? You seem upset. What was the call about, Craig?" David asked worried. Obviously it was about a family member of Craig's, he hoped everything was all right.

Craig chewed on his bottom lip as he stared into beloved blue eyes. Wrapping his arms around David's waist, he pulled him close and took a deep breath. He wanted to tell his lover the truth. Maybe David *wouldn't* change his mind about being with him…maybe he *wouldn't* think that Craig was still the selfish boy Craig's own father had accused him of being. Or maybe David would simply stare at him in horror and push him away. Shaking his head, Craig buried his face in his lover's shirt and tried to smile. "It's nothing," he said softly. "Just someone wanting to talk to me about my father."

Recalling the night Craig had moved in, David remembered his reaction when David had mentioned his father, Craig had said that his father fucked things up beyond repair. "Please...please don't shut me out. Please let me help if I can," David said softly, concerned by the way Craig was behaving. Maybe he didn't really want David to be a part of his life after all? He searched his lover's eyes feeling his heart break from the sadness he found there.

"Oh, sweetheart," Craig whispered, as he pulled away staring down at the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to shut you out. I'm just…….I don't know. I've tried not to think about all this for so long, and I've never told anyone." He clung to him silently for a moment and closed his eyes. "The phone call…it was about my father. He's a…patient at Abundant Life. I…I wasn't trying to hide this from you, I just…I'm sorry." His voice trailed off and he drew away, thinking that he'd really fucked things up now. "I…I don't even know what to say."

David looked at Craig sadly and pulled him back into his arms even after he'd tried to pull away, "Say whatever you need to say, whatever you want, or nothing at all...just know that I'm here for you. For anything, I'm right here, and always will be for as long as you want me to be. I don't know what's going on...but I know you are in pain and I can't stand that. If talking to me will help, then please...please talk to me, if it won't then let me hold you and be here for you. Whatever you need, love," he said seriously leaning forward and kissing Craig tenderly. "I love you, and if there is something wrong...something I can help you with, I will."

At David's words, Craig felt his resolve break. He'd *never* allowed himself to get close enough to anyone to even think about telling them. "I'm….I'm scared," he said softly. "Scared that once you know, your feelings for me will change. But….you've been honest with me, so…..I'll be honest with you too. It's the least you deserve."

Craig's words about David being honest with him made his heart ache a bit. He still hadn't gotten up the nerve to tell Craig the whole truth about his break up with Richard. He was certain though that nothing Craig could say would make David turn away from him, especially knowing what he was keeping from his lover. "My feelings will change? Craig, my feelings won't change. I love you, you can't just turn that off like a light switch...at least I can't. Please trust me enough to share this with me," he whispered softly running his fingers down the side of Craig's face trying to ease his worries. Please trust me, love. He looked into Craig's eyes hoping he could see that David loved him and was here for him no matter what.

Craig nodded and tried to smile. "You may change your mind, but….let's go into the living room? I….I need to sit down for this." He took another deep breath tangled his fingers with David's, gently tugging him toward the living room. As they reached the couch, Craig turned back to his lover, searching his eyes, needing to be assured of his feelings one last time. "You sure you want to hear this?" he asked softly.

"Yes, Craig. If it concerns you, it concerns us...we are part of each other's lives now...and whatever it is, I'd like to help you if I can. If only to be here to support you when you need it," David answered honestly. He'd never felt the way he felt about Craig about anyone in his life, and he wanted to share everything with him, the good and the bad. Always.

Craig saw nothing but sincerity in David's eyes before he looked down. He sat on the edge of the couch and tugged at David's hand until he sat next to him. Keeping his head down, he took a deep breath and started. "Do you ever wonder why I didn't continue my education and go on to practice medicine instead of teach? I was….*am* supposed to be a surgeon by now."

David nodded, "I had wondered," he admitted. "I figured you'd tell me in time." He squeezed Craig's hand gently. "It's ok, love...please...go on," he encouraged.

Craig smiled, lifting David's hand up to his lips, and gently kissed the smooth skin of his knuckles. He shouldn't be surprised - it wasn't like David to push anyone. Craig wanted nothing more than to have his lover's arms around him, but he also knew he couldn't stand to feel him pull away if his words did indeed change how he felt. He knew David loved him, knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand by him after *this*. "I made it up to my residency," he said softly. "I grew up wealthy. Never had to worry about money, or a place to stay, or how to pay my rent. My parents had a rather large college fund set aside for me since I was little, and I never had to work to put myself through school. Then…….just before my residency started, my mother…….got sick. Really sick. She had headaches. She didn't tell me for a long time - just ignored them for a while, I think. Didn't even tell my father until…….until it was too late."

"Didn't tell him what?" David asked softly.

Craig closed his eyes and tightened his fingers on David's. "She had….a tumor. A brain tumor. By the time the doctors found out what it was, it was too late for treatment. But she didn't want to worry anyone. So she just….stayed in her room a lot, and said she was tired. I was away at college, my father was out of town on business a lot, and….and we didn't know." He looked back up at David, their gazes locking. "*I* should have known. If I'd been at home, instead of away at college, I'd have seen the signs. I mean, what good is being a fucking doctor, if you're too stupid to *know* when something that serious is wrong with your own mother?"

"Craig...you aren't stupid, you weren't there...and you weren't *her* doctor. You can't blame yourself for that," David said softly rubbing his thumb over the back of Craig's hand. "You couldn't have known, love. If she didn't tell you...tell her husband...that was *her* decision and probably made because she didn't want to worry either of you."

"I just….should have known, somehow, though," Craig said softly, looking down at their entwined fingers. "When my father found out, he was livid….at both of us. He didn't let her see how hurt he was for keeping it from him. He pleaded with her to have the treatments - horrible treatments - chemo and radiation - that only made her sicker. I came in as soon as I heard, but she was adamant. She said it would break her heart if I quit college. She begged me to return. So….I did. I came home as often as I could, spent every possible minute with her but….when you're in a residency program, you don't get much time off. She would never hear of me quitting, or just postponing things for a few months. She got upset when I even mentioned it, so….I stayed. It was horrible, but it was what she wanted, so, I stayed. She got sicker and sicker, and my father had to deal with it by himself. It built up inside him, and no one ever noticed. Then, he called me one Sunday night. Told me to come home. He didn't tell me how bad she was. Just said he wanted me there, immediately, and hung up. When I tried to call back, the line was busy. And….and I was exhausted. I figured that if it were…..the end, he'd have told me. So, I waited until the next morning to fly back home. And….when I got there, it was too late."

As David listened to Craig's story he held his hand tighter and as Craig said that it was too late he pulled him close wrapping his arms around him. "I'm sorry, Craig. I'm so sorry," he whispered kissing his temple softly as he held the man he loved feeling his heart breaking for him.

"I should have been there, David," Craig whispered, holding on to his lover tightly. "When I got there, Father was……he was different. I don't blame him. I should have come home when he asked. He wouldn't speak to me….he just left the hospital, and I didn't see him until late that night. As I sat there, saying goodbye to my mother, he'd…..lost his mind. He gave away everything. Signed over their house to charity, along with my college fund, their car, my car…..everything was gone. He didn't want me to have anything, so he….gave it all away. Said I was the 'big doctor' and should have known. There was no other family, so, I quit school and tried to take care of him, but…I couldn't. I started teaching, and had him signed in to Abundant Life. He's been there ever since." Craig pulled away and looked into his lover's blue eyes. "See? Father knew. He was right. I should have been there with my mother…I should have known"

"No...no Craig he wasn't right. He was hurt, but he wasn't right. Honestly...God Craig do you know that you could have gotten it all back? It's probably too late now...but...but he was unfit, he was not of sound mind to make those decisions. I wish...wish someone would have advised you...how long since it happened?" David asked. He'd heard of this happening one other time, read about it in the papers, was a friend of his grandfather's. "It wasn't your fault, and it shouldn't have fallen to you to be responsible for it all," David said softly hoping Craig would see that he wasn't to blame for it. Not at all.

Craig shook his head, and sighed. "I don't deserve it back, David," he whispered softly. "The physicians at Abundant Life told me that I could get it back, but….someone had to pay for his hospital bills until it was settled, and I had to work day and night to do that. I didn't have time to fight this - it would have taken years, and…..I don't deserve it. If I'd just gotten off my ass that night and come home, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. How can you want to be with someone so irresponsible?"

"Craig," David said softly tipping his lover's face up to look into his eyes, "What happened unfortunately happens all the time. Look what happened with my brother? You told me that it wasn't my fault and I'm telling you the same thing. Your mother would have died if you were there or not, Craig. She was sick, and from what I know of cancer she is in a far better place now, no longer in pain. I'm not going to let you push me away because of this, Craig. I love you, and I want you in my life for a very long time to come. Please...please see that. I love you," David said softly wiping tears from his lover's face knowing that tears were flowing down his own. "Please love...don't give up on us so easily. No one has ever made me feel the way you do...and nothing is going to change that."

Craig stared into David's eyes, barely able to believe what he was hearing. "I….I don't want to give up on us, David," he said softly. "I don't want to lose you." Leaning back on the couch, he pulled his lover with him, holding on tightly. "You're sure you still want me, knowing all that? Knowing that I let her die alone, that I'm broke, that my father is crazy?"

"Yes," David said softly. "Yes, I want you, I love YOU. You didn't *let* her die alone, you didn't *know* and I don't care if you have not a penny to your name or a billion dollars in your bank account...and as far as your father goes...well I'm not in love with him am I? I'm in love with you...and even if he is unstable he has a perfect, beautiful son, that I want in my life forever," David said kissing Craig softly. "I love *you*, Craig. I don't care about all that...not at all, it doesn't change how I feel about you, not one bit."

Craig's arms tightened around David and he couldn't suppress a grin. "No, I don't guess you *are* in love with my father," he laughed, leaning up and kissing his lover softly. "I was afraid that you'd hate me…..or that you'd think I was using you - taking advantage of you like Ri….your ex. I swear, I don't want your money," he said, reaching up to place one hand on each side of David's face. "I don't want anything from you…….*anything* at all, except your love. I'm living here because I fell in love with you the first time I laid eyes on you, not because I wanted a free ride. I know that your father will never believe that, but please, believe me. I only want you……nothing else. Only you."

"I know that you aren't trying to take advantage...I invited you to live here. I didn't expect you to be rich in the first place. We are teachers ya know?" he grinned. "I know what your salary is, so I didn't even think about that. My father distrusts everyone when it comes to money and honestly the money in my family isn't his...it's my mother's inheritance. My grandfather was a very rich man...my father had nothing when he met my mother and well...I do think he married her for her money. Always have thought that, just the way he always treated her. So naturally he thinks everyone is like him...Richard did surprise me, I didn't think that he wanted my money but thinking back on it all after I broke up with him I realized it. But you...Craig, you are NOTHING like *him*. Every moment we spend together I see how much different you are from anyone I've ever known...and I love you. Nothing will change that," David said staring into sparkling eyes.

Craig pulled David into a kiss and closed his eyes. "I'm sure I look like hell," he laughed, burying his face in David's neck. "Not exactly the kind of man you'd be wanting to kiss. So, can you just hold me for a while please?"

"You are exactly the kind of man I want to be kissing," David said softly. "Teary eyed, happily smiling, sad or happy, and every emotion in between...all of it...I love you...all of you, Craig. Everything you are, but if you just want to be held...then that's what I'll do. Always...I'll be everything you need me to be, I promise," he said softly. Leaning forward he kissed Craig deeply before pulling away and curling his arms tighter around him.

Craig clung to David, feeling loved and happy, and as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He'd never told anyone about his father. All his old friends thought he and his father had simply moved away after his mother's death, and Craig had avoided all contact with them, letting them believe this little fantasy. Everyone he'd met since his teaching career had begun thought that teaching had been his goal all along, and he'd always refused to speak of his family. But he knew that he'd never be able to hold anything back from David, ever. He wanted David's love and trust and knew the only way he'd get that was to give David the same in return. David wasn't completely ready to give all of his heart over yet, but when he did, Craig had no doubt that he'd be the most blessed man in the world, and he'd guard David's love with his very life. "I love you," he whispered softly, "more than you will ever know."

David smiled as Craig spoke feeling the exact same way. Craig would never know how much he loved him. Each day he found himself falling more and more in love with Craig...each day closer and closer to losing all of himself to this perfect man. //One day...one day Craig...I'll love you the way you deserve to be loved...with no reservations, no worry.// Holding Craig close, David closed his eyes and just enjoyed holding his lover. "Hey...you want to just curl up right here and take a nap with me? Just let me hold you while we sleep?"

"I'd love that," Craig whispered, snuggling closer. "I'm so tired. Thank you for listening, and being here, and being strong. And for loving me. Most of all for loving me." His last words were almost lost in a deep yawn as his fingers quickly unbuttoned his lover's shirt. "Want to feel you," he murmured, already uncomfortable with the clothing between them after enjoying so many nights of skin on skin contact. He yawned again and opened bleary eyes to smile up at his lover. . "…can't sleep unless I can touch you…"

David smiled and sat up quickly divesting himself of his shirt and then his fingers grasped the hem of Craig's white t-shirt guiding it up and over his lover's head. Tossing both garments onto the coffee table David lay back down settling his chest against his lover's. "Wouldn't want you unable to sleep," he whispered against Craig's ear kissing the tender skin just below it. "Sleep love, just lay here with me and let me guard your sleep for a change. So often you have taken care of me...let me take care of you now," he whispered softly as he felt his lover relax under him.

Craig sighed happily, relieved to feel smooth, warm skin instead of barriers of clothing. Unable to keep his eyes open for a moment longer, he gave himself over to the feeling of being warm and safe and loved - a feeling he'd never even known he was missing until he'd met David. His body relaxed into slumber, but his arms held tightly to his lover, keeping him close. "Love you," he said softly, his voice drifting off into a soft snore.

David watched as Craig's eyes closed and his breathing evened out into soft snoring, which made him smile. He lay watching his lover sleep, smiling at the way his dark lashes lay against his skin and the way a soft smile seemed to play upon his lips. //You have no idea what you mean to me. Perhaps one day you'll know...perhaps one day I'll be able to finally let go of my past and show you. Show you the love you deserve.// David snuggled close, his face tucked against his lover's neck and began to drift off. "I love you...and will for all time," he whispered softly. Closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath he finally allowed slumber to overtake him.

TBC