Title: Here With Me 36/43
Author: Anorien and Sairalinde
Type: RPS
Pairing: Craig/David
Rating: NC-17
Warning: None this chapter.
Beta: Ourselves
Disclaimer: This never happened. This was written in fun that's all.
Feedback: Yes please send to sairalinde @ hornofgondor.com
or thechroniclesofosgiliath @ yahoo.com
Archiving: OEAM, Mirrormere, The Chronicles of Osgiliath, Saira's Library, CxD Archive, other's ask.
Summary: A.U. Two University Professors try to overcome their pasts and find love and healing.
A/N: This is A.U. and it is the world we wish really did exist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David walked in the door of the cafe to meet Craig and spied his husband and his aunt Diana sitting at the corner booth. He decided to get a coffee before sitting down to join them. They looked thick as thieves talking about something, probably Diana telling Craig more embarrassing tales from his youth. After paying for his coffee he walked over but neither of them had noticed him yet, both still absorbed in their conversation. As he approached the table he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Richard's name mentioned. Why would they be talking about *him* of all people?

"I swear, Diana," Craig continued as he sat his coffee cup on the table and ran a hand through his hair, "if David's father hadn't pulled me off, I'd have broken every last bone in Richard's body. I've *never* hated anyone as much as I hate that bastard. I just thank God David will never have to go through that again….I simply couldn't stand the thought of it. So help me, if he *ever* comes within a mile of David, I'll make him wish he were dead."

David stood staring at them as Diana nodded and agreed with Craig saying that Richard deserved every bit of it, and regretted that John had stopped Craig. David didn't know what to think. Craig promised *never* to approach Richard again. He knew that Richard wouldn't let Craig get the better of him a second time...he knew exactly how dangerous Richard was. He gritted his teeth and shook his head. They are just talking hypothetically. He shouldn't get upset over it...he shouldn't worry about it. Richard was gone, he was fired from the university and *maybe* it was over...he just wished that Craig would...would just let it go. He understood why he felt he had to do that, why he did go after Richard, but remembering the bruises on Craig he just didn't want to see that again. He just wanted that chapter in his life closed. After a few moments he cleared his head and stepped up to the table pasting on the best smile he could manage. "Two of my most favorite people in the world," he said kissing Craig on the cheek as he slid into the seat next to him trying to pretend everything was fine.

"Hello, my gorgeous husband," Craig smiled, sliding closer, knowing he was grinning like a fool, but not caring in the least. He moved his hand down to rest of David's thigh and noticed…….something. David's smile didn't seem…right, somehow. "You ok, love?" he asked softly.

"Sure, long day is all," David said softly though not able to meet Craig's eyes so he turned his gaze to Diana. "So how are you doing? You two didn't even notice me coming in...not sharing anything embarrassing with him again are you?" David asked.

Diana laughed, "I'd never do that. Anyway… I have to get back to the shop...I just stopped in for a break and ran into your adorable husband here. It was wonderful chatting with you again Craig...see you two newlyweds later," she said getting up and taking her coffee and mostly untouched brownie with her. She paused and kissed David on top of his head, "Love you, Daisy," she murmured softly before smiling at Craig. "Bye, dearie," she smiled as she walked away.

Craig smiled and waved at David's aunt, then let his hand slide up to rest on the back of David's neck, gently kneading the muscles that felt tense and knotted underneath his fingertips. "We can always eat later if you want to go home," he said, sensing that something was wrong. "You can tell me all about your long day and I'll help keep your mind on happier thoughts…sound good to you?"

"Yeah, actually it does," David said softly as he tried to let himself relax under Craig's touch but still bothered by what he'd overheard. Standing up he waited for Craig and tangled his fingers with his husband's. The walk home was quiet, David didn't really say much of anything at all and by the time they arrived home he couldn't get the words Craig had said out of his head.

Craig settled on the couch and tugged David's hand until he sat in front of him. He reached around to unbutton the top buttons of David's shirt and pulled it back, placing a soft kiss at the back of his husband's neck as he gently began to massage his shoulders. "So," he said softly, "tell me what's *really* bothering you, love. I know something's wrong….I could see it in your eyes the minute you sat down."

David sighed as Craig began massaging his neck and shook his head, "Nothing," David whispered not really wanting to talk about it. He'd get over it...he always did get over anything anyone ever did to upset him. Sometimes just took a bit of time was all.

Gently combing his fingers through David's hair, Craig continued to massage his neck with his other hand. "Sweetheart," he sighed, "if something's bothering you, I want to know. I want to help. Don't hide things from me. Please?"

"It's nothing, Craig. Not important," David said softly wishing that Craig would just drop it. He'd be fine in a little while once he got it off his mind. Part of him was upset, part of him understood. He just needed to think it out.

Craig took a deep breath and let his hands fall to his sides. "If it's bothering you this much, then it *is* important," he said. Whatever it was, it was making David pull away from him just a bit, so it had to be serious. "Did something happen? Your father? A student? Did *I* do something?" He slid over to the edge of the couch, thinking that David really *did* want to be left alone, maybe didn't even want Craig to touch him right now.

"I said it wasn't important, just...just let it go," David said softly though he was starting to get irritated. He didn't like to argue with anyone and in particular not Craig. He knew Craig would never hurt him if he did show his anger, he just preferred not to get into it. He didn't like to argue, he would rather just internalize whatever was bothering him and work it out on his own. He had always been like that, arguing always led to someone getting hurt, and in the past it had always been David who got hurt either physically or emotionally. With Craig he knew without a doubt the physical would NEVER happen but he still had a hesitancy to argue anything...even with his husband.

Craig closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch. He *knew* why David didn't like to argue, but that didn't make it any easier. "Why can't you just tell me?" he asked, frustration coloring his voice despite his best efforts not to let it. "Why do you have to try and work out everything by yourself when I'm practically begging you to let me help you?"

David stood up and walked across the room toward the window looking out. "Because....because that's how I am, Craig," he said as if that actually solved anything. Frustrated with himself he leaned against the bookshelf and wrapped his arms around himself staring out the window at nothing. He *was* starting to get angry and didn't want to. He didn't like feeling this way and kept trying to will it away though he wasn't very successful.

Craig's eyes opened and he watched David cross the room, his irritation obvious even to someone who didn't know him. "Don't you think it's time you let me in so you don't have to be that way anymore?" he asked. "If you don't want my help, then I'll leave you alone to work it out yourself, and apologize for bothering you. Is that what you want, David? Or do you want to just let go and be angry for once? Everyone needs to do that sometime, you know."

Finally unable to control himself any longer David turned toward Craig, "Goddamn it Craig, fine...I'll tell you what's wrong. Why were you talking to Diana about Richard?" David snapped finally losing his temper -something he rarely ever did and he *hated* the feeling. Hated how it felt and could feel his blood pounding in his head knowing that he was going to get a headache now. Anytime he got this upset it was followed by a headache. Everyone needed to get angry sometimes...Craig was right about that, but David had a very hard time with it.

Craig fought the urge to stand up, not wanting to seem confrontational in the least, though he was frustrated as hell. So this *was* his fault after all, and it took this long to get David to say the words? He knew David had been through so much, and had never had the opportunity to really just lose his temper, so he forced himself to stay still, aware that any movement, no matter how slight, could remind David of Richard, and Craig would die before he ever did anything to bring back *those* memories. Maybe this was exactly what David needed, whether he knew it or not. "All this is because I was talking to Diana about Richard?" he asked incredulously. "My God, David, that was over half an hour ago, and you couldn't just tell me then?"

David sighed and shook his head, "Yes, I heard you say that you'd go after him if he ever came near me again. You promised...Craig you don't understand how dangerous he is, you were damn lucky that day," David said trying to keep from yelling the words though they did come out louder than he normally spoke. "And if you'd have just dropped it I wouldn't have said a damn thing...I would have just let it go...but you just kept pressing me. I...I don't...I didn't want to argue, not about this...not about anything. I would have worked it out, but...God Craig do you have any idea what he's capable of? You just don't understand how dangerous he is...I...I didn't like seeing you hurt...and I don't want to see that again. He's a prick and he's gone from my life I just..." David trailed off looking down at the floor. He just wanted to forget about Richard.

Craig sighed. He should have known. Richard had been such an asshole to David, it did stand to reason that David wouldn't want anyone he loved to take a chance on getting hurt. But, did he really expect Craig to just sit idly by and do nothing if Richard ever tried to hurt the man he loved? No way. No way in hell, promise or no promise. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and ran a hand over his eyes. "Let's forget Richard for a moment, shall we?" he asked, trying to keep his voice soft, but not entirely succeeding. "You would have just let it go? You heard something that *I* said that upset you, and you didn't even think you could tell me? You thought you'd just stew over it for a while, then it would just magically disappear? Well, sweetheart, it won't. Maybe it did in the past, but this……*we*…are different. If you let something like that go and don't tell me, then how am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to tell you my side of it? I don't want to argue with you. But if you're mad at me, I have the right to know, just as you have the right to be mad. But keeping it in will NOT make it go away, it will NOT make it better, and it will NOT keep me from making the same mistake again."

David kept his eyes down and shook his head. "I...I always keep things in," he admitted softly. He wasn't sure he knew how to be any other way. He had never had the opportunity to get angry with Richard…well he did a few times and *that* didn't go well at all. "I know it doesn't just magically disappear...I just...I just work it out in my head or I just give in and decide to let it go. I've...I don't know how to do this," David admitted softly. He didn't know how to argue anymore. Maybe when he was younger he could but three years with Richard had changed him so much. He used to argue with Jonas until he was blue in the face sometimes, but now...now he had a hard time even arguing with *anyone*.

Craig studied his husband for a moment before speaking. "Is that what you *want* to do?" he asked. "Do you *want* to keep dealing with everything by yourself? Or do you want to let me in and help you? Even when I'm the *cause* of your frustration? I don't want to go where I'm not wanted, but I hate being kept in the dark when I fuck up. It's not fair to either of us."

David shook his head, "I don't know what I want...I...I don't know how it works anymore...how to *not* keep it inside...but...I love you...and I'm...I'm afraid," David said sadly. He was terrified if he did let show his anger show that Craig would just turn his back on him. That would be worse than any physical abuse he'd ever had from Richard.

Craig could sit still no longer. He quickly stood and crossed the room, taking David's hands in his own and bringing them to his lips for a soft kiss. "What are you afraid of?' he asked softly.

Looking up into Craig's eyes David swallowed and whispered, "Of losing you if I get angry...if I get upset that you'll walk away. That would hurt worse than anything Richard ever did to me. Especially…especially after what…after what I need to tell you," David tilted his head looking down at their joined hands and felt tears gathering in his eyes. That was his biggest fear of all...losing Craig. He paused for a moment trying to decide how to put it into words. He needed to tell Craig *everything* no more secrets, no more hiding...this was his husband, and he loved him. More than anything in the world he loved Craig, and he deserved to know the truth about what happened that day he found Richard in his office. Now that the words were out there was no turning back...he'd waited longer to tell Craig this than he planned but it never seemed the right time. How do you tell someone your entire life for the past year had been lived in a lie? David moved away and walked over to the window wrapping his arms around his chest. This wasn't going to be easy to talk about. He turned and looked back at Craig and let his eyes drop to the floor as he thought about what he needed to say.

Craig watched David cross the room in stunned silence. // What he needs to tell me? If only he could understand that I'd die before I'd even think of leaving him, no matter what he wants to tell me…that if he ever left me, *I'd* be the broken one. // He moved to stand next to his husband, studying him intently. "Sweetheart," he said softly, "before you tell me anything, just answer one question for me? Please?"

David nodded and looked up meeting Craig's eyes and feeling his stomach clench. "Yes?" he said unsteadily. What he had been keeping from Craig had been eating at him for months, and hearing him talking about Richard and seeing him with Diana of all people...he felt guilty for keeping it to himself for so long. They were married. <I > Married, David...it means you share EVERYTHING.//

"If I get mad, will you stop loving me?" Craig asked softly. "If I get annoying, or angry, or just frustrate the hell out of you, does that mean you'll leave me?"

"No," David answered firmly. "I couldn't stop loving you and would never leave you - it would destroy me," David said softly. He couldn't imagine his life without Craig; he couldn't bear to even think about it. But…what he needed to tell him could change that. Or would it?

"Not being with you, for whatever reason, would destroy me too," Craig whispered. "No matter what you do, or what it is you need to tell me, I will never, ever stop loving you." He reached down and brought David's left hand up between them. Gently bending his husband's fingers down, he let his thumb trail over the band that encircled his ring finger. "When I put this ring on your finger, I meant forever, I didn't mean only during the happy times. I swear to you, David, I will never, ever leave you. You are my life, my heart, my very soul." Keeping their hands entwined, Craig gave David's a soft squeeze and gave him an encouraging smile, wondering what on earth had suddenly made him so afraid and unsure of their love all of a sudden. "Now…what is it you need to tell me, love?"

"I love you, and nothing will ever change that, but...I've never had *this* before...had someone who loved me back, and didn't focus on everything I do wrong. I wish I could change the past. Today just brought it back again, and reminded me yet again what I should have told you months ago. Richard. He… remember I told you that the day I finally broke up with Richard I caught him in my office with my graduate assistant? I told you I got in a car accident after that?" David asked softly. He was unsure how to even tell Craig all of this, he hadn't told *anyone* about that day. Diana was the only one who knew, and that was only because she was who found him and took him to the hospital afterwards.

"Yes," Craig whispered, wincing at the very thought of David being hurt, "the car wreck that started all those stupid rumors. You said you were in the hospital for weeks…that some moronic drunk driver ran you off the road." Bringing his husband's hand up to his lips, Craig placed a soft kiss on his knuckles. "I hope they arrested the idiot and put him *under* the jail."

David looked down at the floor, he couldn't meet Craig's eyes when he finally told him the truth. "I...I wasn't in a car wreck...that was what Diana told the hospital, what she told everyone because I wouldn't go to the hospital that night. She...she came over to go riding and found me in the doorway. I...I begged her not to call the police and then she came up with the car wreck story to get me to go to the hospital," David explained still staring at the floor.

Craig's fingers tightened around David's and he tried to process what he was hearing. "There was no car wreck?" he asked softly, trying to push the first thought that entered his mind away. // Richard. That fucking-stupid-son-of-a-bitch bastard hurt him. // "You told me…." Craig hesitated and tried to make his voice stop trembling with a combination of both rage at Richard and fear for what he was about to hear. "I mean,...what happened that night, sweetheart? You…you said you were in the hospital for weeks…"

"I *was* in the hospital for weeks....but not from a wreck, though I looked like I'd been in one I suppose. Diana found me," David said softly. "I...I honestly don't remember most of it. When...when I left my office that day I told Richard it was over and came straight home...and then...he showed up a little while later. He had a key..." David trailed off unable to get all of the words out; they felt caught in his chest.

"Oh, God," Craig whispered, moving closer and wrapping his arms around David. "He…he hurt you? *He* put you in the hospital?"

David nodded slowly, "He...he probably would have killed me if I'd not been knocked unconscious. That's why Diana stayed in the hospital with me...guarding me and running him off every time he came near my hospital room. When she told everyone I'd been in a wreck...I just...I just went along with it. I was too afraid to do anything else...and then the lie turned into *that* rumor...and by then it was just too late. I knew you'd hear the rumor and wanted you to hear 'the truth' at least the truth I wasn't ashamed to tell," David said softly.

Craig ran his hand up and down David's arms as he tried to sort through his emotions. He wanted to do something - anything - to make the pain in David's voice go away, to make it as if he'd never known Richard, never had to live through the hell that bastard put him through. He wished he'd known the truth before he'd fought Richard - he'd have broken *alot* more than his nose and a few fingers. "You had nothing to be ashamed of," he said softly. "I'm….glad Diana was there for you. Glad you got out of that situation once and for all."

"I know...but I wish I could have told you the truth...but...I...we'd only just met. I'm sorry I didn't tell you once we became a couple...every time I considered it...I couldn't do it, and then...he attacked me in the lounge that day and you went after him and I was terrified to tell you. Terrified you'd go after him again...and get hurt worse...but...I don't want to keep things from you. I don't want to live a lie anymore. That...this is why I'm telling you all this now. I don't want to have anything between us like this. I shouldn't have kept my anger from you and I shouldn't have kept this from you. I…I'm so sorry, Craig," David whispered. He didn't want anything to be between them...nothing, no secrets, no lies, nothing and he feared he'd really screwed things up this time.

Letting his arms lock around David's waist, Craig rested his forehead against his husband's. He honestly wished he'd killed Richard that day…or at least hurt him so badly that he'd have *some* idea of how David had felt for all the times he'd hurt him. He knew he had to put that behind him, but it wasn't easy. As David trembled in his arms, he pushed all thoughts of Richard behind him and pulled his lover closer. "Don't be sorry, sweetheart," he whispered. "I'm glad you finally felt you could tell me. I don't want anything between us either…anything at all. It makes me hate that bastard all the more, but please, please don't think it changes the way I feel about you. I meant what I said earlier…nothing could ever make me stop loving you, or make me love you any less…it's just not possible."

David felt relief wash over him as Craig spoke. He wasn't angry. David found himself smiling. "I love you, God you have no idea how much I love you," he whispered softly. "I know…I shouldn't have kept that from you…and I make a lot of mistakes sometimes. I just need to learn *how* to live again...how to be normal ya know? I'm...I'm going to need your help...and your patience. I should have told you at the cafe, when I first got upset, you're right about that. But I didn't want to argue...and still don't. And I should have told you the truth about…about my past. I'm so used to just letting things go...so used to giving up on what I want because it didn't please someone else, and so used to hiding things." David explained softly. "I wasn't always like this, Craig, I wasn't always so afraid that I couldn't express myself fully...sometimes you see how I once was...but not always. I don't know if I can ever be that person again but I'd like to find a balance."

Craig rested his hands on side of David's face, letting his thumbs trail over his cheeks. "All that matters to me is your happiness," he said as he studied his lover's eyes. "I don't want to press you into anything you don't want to do or say, but I want you to know that there is no possible way you can ever make me stop loving you or stop wanting…no, *needing*, to be by your side. I don't want you to give up on what you want for my sake, or anyone else's. I'll help you learn how to do that, how to be happy, and how to know that you are truly loved and treasured beyond imagination." Leaning in for a gentle kiss, Craig's fingers trailed down David's neck and he gave a soft smile. "I love you so much," he whispered, "and one day, I hope you'll accept that I'll never leave you."

David nodded, "I...do feel loved...I just, I worry sometimes that I'll push you away but I do know you love me. It's the one thing I've known without a doubt for a long time," he said smiling softly. "I just...I did get angry today, and only because I let myself stew over it instead of asking you right away. I just need to get used to being able to talk to you about things like that. But...but please...promise me that you won't go after Richard...even if he does approach me...please? I...I'm so terrified of losing you or of you getting hurt," he whispered looking down. "I would never be able to forgive myself if you got hurt again because of me."

With a sigh, Craig gave a final, soft kiss to David's neck then pulled away, crossing the room to sit on the couch once again. "You're not going to lose me," he said. "But there's just no way in hell I can ever just stand by and do nothing if that bastard ever tried to hurt you. I didn't get hurt *because* of you. I got a couple of bruises because he is an asshole and he deserved to have the shit kicked out of him. That was his fault, never yours."

As Craig spoke David crossed the room shaking his head, "No...if...if I hadn't been stupid enough for him to get near me again it wouldn't have happened at all...no one would have gotten hurt." David sat down next to Craig staring at the floor. That was another thing he wasn't used to...someone who didn't automatically blame him for everything...which was probably a good thing since he'd gotten so used to blaming himself. "I...I just want that part of my life over with. I want to forget about Richard, you've helped me get past so much of what he did to me, Craig. All this just...just brought it back for me."

Craig shook his head and let his arm slide around David's waist. "Please don't call yourself stupid. You are *not* stupid." Leaning in to his lover, Craig rested his head on David's shoulder. "I don't want to bring back any bad memories for you," he whispered. "I've never wanted that. I'm so sorry. I'll never bring him up again. I hate even thinking about him, period, but Diana wanted to know what happened that day at school. I'm so sorry you overheard and even had to think about him again."

"I understand, I do," David said. "It's ok, I know you didn't mean to bring back things like that. I just overreacted because it's such a uncomfortable subject for me...and I'm sorry too...I should have talked to you about it rather than getting angry, but...but at least now I know I can show that emotion without being hurt worse. Not that I'll ever get used to it...I really don't like to get angry, even when I was younger. As long as I know you are always there for me I'll be able to handle anything I think. You give me so much strength, love. I honestly don't know how I ever made it without you," David said softly. Pulling Craig close David kissed him tenderly. "I love you so much."

Craig smiled and let his fingers gently card through his lover's soft hair. "I love you more than life itself," he whispered. Shifting to rest his thighs across David's, Craig leaned into his lover and gave a contented sigh. "And you know what? You have no clue how strong you are - no clue whatsoever. You are *my* strength, and I'm so happy that I can return the favor."

David curled his arm around Craig and held him close. "I'm glad I can be that for you...though I don't think I'm a very strong person. I'm just stubborn," he grinned. He'd never had an argument end this way...though he'd never argued very much in his life. His brother Jonas was the only one he could absolutely scream at and he'd still hug him afterwards and tell him that he loved him. Now he had found that same unconditional love with Craig.

Craig smiled pressed his lips to David's neck in dozens of soft kisses. "Stubborn, strong………gorgeous, perfect,…I could easily wax poetic about you all day," he said truthfully. It seemed unusual, to say the least, to feel this good after an argument, but knowing that David could actually make himself argue if he needed to seemed like such a positive step, in an odd sort of way. Craig knew exactly how stubborn he was, and needed to know that David could tell him when he was being unreasonable or annoying. "Listen...I know I can get on your nerves sometimes…but if you *ever* need to tell me something, and it seems like I'm being clueless on purpose, I'm not, I swear. Just…just think of some way to let me know when I need to shut the hell up and just *listen* to you, ok? A word, or gesture, or…or just something? Just some way to let me know that you're having a hard time, but that there's *something* you need to say?"

David smiled, "I don't think you are clueless...but if it can help avoid either of us being hurt, that might work. Umm...a word...Frost?" David asked thinking of one of his favorite poets. "That's going to sound silly. Though I'm afraid any word would just thrown in the middle of conversation but I'll say Frost whenever I really, really mean something we are discussing. I don't want to say Frost every time I say I love you though I really, really mean that too," David laughed kissing Craig's neck gently.

Craig laughed and tangled his fingers with David's. "Frost it is, then," he smiled. "And it won't apply to any 'I love you' conversations, because I know you mean it as much as I do. I am absolutely head over heels, incredibly, utterly in love with you, you know that?"

"And I am absolutely head over heels, incredibly, utterly in love with you too. And I promise I will never hide anything from you again. Ever. Frost," David whispered softly.

Lifting David's fingers to his lips for a gentle kiss to each fingertip, Craig grinned at his lover, relieved beyond words that the familiar sparkle was back in his eyes, replacing the fear and nervousness that had colored them before. "Now…that's settled. I know the truth about what happened, and you know that I will never, ever stop loving you. How about we seal it over a nice dinner in front of the fireplace, just the two of us? I'm starving."

David smiled as Craig's lips trailed over his fingertips. "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, love," he said smiling and slipping his arms around his husband's waist, pulling him closer. "Though I think the saying is...'seal it with a kiss'," he grinned, leaning forward to press his lips to Craig's in a tender kiss. He was relieved beyond words to get all of this out in the open and still couldn't believe he had been lucky enough to meet someone like Craig.

Craig's laughter was stopped short as beloved lips slowly and gently sealed over his own. He completely forgot about dinner, winding his arms around David, and giving himself over to the sweetest of kisses from the man he loved so dearly.

It was almost two hours later before they actually made it to the kitchen, but neither man was complaining in the least.

TBC