Here With Me Chapter 13
Title: Here With Me 13/?
Author: Anorien and Sairalinde
Type: RPS
Pairing: Craig/David
Rating: NC-17
Beta: Ourselves
Warning: Abuse described in later chapters not between the main pairing.
Disclaimer: This never happened. This was written in fun that's all.
Feedback: Yes please send to sairalinde @ hornofgondor.com
or thechroniclesofosgiliath @ yahoo.com
Archiving: OEAM, Mirrormere, The Chronicles of Osgiliath, Saira's Library, CxD Archive, other's ask.
Summary: A.U. Two University Professors try to overcome their pasts and find love and healing.

// indicates thoughts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David took a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with tap water as he stared out the window at the front lawn. All of the lush greens had faded to browns and golds it seemed in almost the blink of an eye. The seasons changed so quickly sometimes they were almost missed completely. He could say that about his life lately though, in an instant Craig had come into his life and everything seemed better. Everything that was broken was fixed...well almost everything...he was still broken in so many ways but Craig was making quick work of that too. David took a drink of water and smiled as a squirrel ran across the yard. Already the days were shorter, and it would be snowing in a few more weeks...yet it was the warmest he'd ever felt. All because a beautiful perfect man loved him.

As Craig walked down the hall, he glanced toward the kitchen, stopping short when he saw David standing there, staring out the window. // God, he's gorgeous. I wonder when he's going to realize how much I love him? // He walked slowly across the floor, trying to see what David was looking at on the other side of the window, afraid of making any noise that would startle his lover and in turn, startle whatever he was staring so intently at if it happened to be a wild animal. Gently resting his chin on David's shoulder, Craig's arms automatically wrapped around his lover's waist, holding him close.

Feeling arms enclose around him David was pulled from his thoughts immediately, memories of being trapped flooding over him. His entire body tensing, he dropped the glass in the sink and tried to pull away from the arms around him not realizing until it was too late that the arms were not those of someone who would hurt him but Craig's arms. Feeling his heart rabbit inside his chest he hung his head as he felt Craig pull away, knowing he had probably offended his lover by his reaction. His automatic reaction was to say the words he always said, "I'm sorry," he whispered softly unable to look up afraid his eyes would meet Craig's in the windows reflection.

As David tensed and pulled away, Craig stepped back immediately, startled almost as much as David was. Even worse was the timid look downward and the softly whispered 'I'm sorry.' "Sweetheart?" Craig asked in a low and steady voice, staying several inches away, using every ounce of his control to not reach out and hold his lover tightly. "I…….I didn't mean to startle you. Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

"No. I'm....I'm...I'm ok," David stammered unable to help himself. Clearing his throat and pushing the bad memories away he shook his head, "I'm sorry...no. I'm ok, just was a...little lost in thought is all," he said uncertainly. Looking down into the sink he saw the broken glass and looked back up at Craig. "I'll clean it up," he said softly still not quite himself. He knew deep down it didn't matter he'd broken a glass, not to Craig...but right now his body and mind were at war with one another.

Craig moved a little closer, slowly reaching for David's hands. "Leave it, please," he said softly. "I'll clean it up later. I'm sorry I startled you like that." His mind immediately went back to that day in the office when the wind had blown the papers from his desk, and he had no doubt about the reason for his lover's jumpiness. // Parker, you bloody idiot! You don't think about things from his perspective do you? You practically snuck up on him! Knowing what he's been through………..dammit. Are you *ever* going to learn? // Gently inspecting each of David's hand for cuts, he brought them up one by one to his lips for a soft kiss. "I'm really sorry," he whispered. "I wasn't thinking. Please forgive me?"

David looked into Craig's eyes as his lover brought his hands up to his lips realization finally dawning completely. "Nothing to forgive. I need to learn to get past all of that...you couldn't have known that would startle me so badly," David said softly. "I'm fine, it's...it's ok...just a glass right?" he asked trying to attempt a smile. With Richard nothing was *just* anything, but he knew Craig wasn't like that...and he felt horrible for reacting as he had.

"Yes," Craig said softly. "Just a glass. I'll clean it up later." Reaching up to brush this thumb over his lover's cheek, Craig smiled. "I *should* have known better. After what all you've told me….I promise to never do that again. It was……*him* wasn't it?" His voice trailed off, knowing that David would know exactly to whom he was referring.

David nodded slowly, "Yes...he...he did a lot of things in our time together that I thought I had pushed away this past year but apparently some things you just never forget," he said softly unsure if he wanted to tell Craig everything. Unsure if he *could* tell him everything.

"I'll help you forget," Craig said softly. Reaching back down to entwine their fingers, he gazed into his lover's eyes. "I'm so sorry. It kills me to see you going through this. Please promise that you'll let me help you get past this?" Slowly stepping closer, he rested his hands tentatively on David's waist. "I love you, David. We'll get through this, I swear."

Sighing softly David leaned forward resting his forehead against Craig's. "Yes. I'll let you help, I love you and I don't want *that* to happen anymore. I want to be able to have you hold me that way and it not scare me. I want that, I want...to be normal again," David said sadly. He just wanted to be able to love someone and be loved like anyone else, not always fearing what will happen when he makes a mistake. Not always fearing being held from behind, or ducking every time a voice was raised.

Craig smiled softly, tilting his head forward to place a soft kiss on his lover's lips. "Normal?" he asked, trying to make his lover smile. "You're far too gorgeous and sexy and perfect to be just 'normal'. Did I mention incredible? And wonderful? And hot? And *you* my sweet David, are the *most* loved man in the world, just the way you are. Did you know that?"

David began to laugh softly, "I think I'm beginning to get the picture," he grinned. "I love you, Craig. And...thank you for being patient with me." The fact Craig loved him at all was still a wonder to him and the fact he loved him despite his past was all the more amazing. Why this perfect man would even bother with him - with someone so broken - was beyond him, but he was so glad he did.

Craig grinned and pulled David a little closer, darting his tongue out to lick at the seam of his lover's lips. "I love you so much," he said, pulling back to look into the beloved blue eyes. "No need to thank me for that. I couldn't help myself even if I wanted to, and I certainly don't *want* to. You are so stuck with me, you'll be calling me your little leech before too long." Reaching up to brush his fingers through David's hair, Craig gave a final kiss to his forehead. "Why don't you go have a seat in the library while I clean up this glass, then we'll go snuggle and read for a while?"

David smiled at Craig, laughing when he said he'd be calling him his little leech. "Are you sure? It...it was my mess," he said still slightly uncertain but then nodded. "Ok...I'll...I'll wait for you in the library," he said deciding that he didn't have to second guess everything. He knew that Craig wasn't going to be like *him* and punish him for it later. He smiled softly before stepping away and heading for the library. He knew that one day he would need to explain everything...explain all that Richard had done to him but he wasn't sure if he *should* ever have that conversation with Craig...let alone if he could.

Craig watched as David left the room, turning toward the sink, his fingers clenching around the edge of the counter, his knuckles white with the strain. // One day, Richard, you son of a bitch, I'm going to get my hands on you and make you pay for doing this to him. And that's a promise.// Taking a deep breath, he reached down to carefully pick each piece of glass from the sink, throwing it in the garbage and trying to forget the feeling of David pulling away from him. An especially jagged piece cut into his finger and he cursed softly under his breath, holding the injured digit under the water until the bleeding stopped, unmindful of the slight stinging, thinking only of the look on David's face when he said he was sorry. // Please, God, let him see that he can talk to me….that I won't judge him or stop loving him, ever. Please let him see that?// Turning the water off, Craig stared at his finger for a moment, wondering exactly how badly Richard had hurt David, and why the hell he even thought he had that right. Heading toward the library, Craig's arms were already aching to hold his lover, intent on nothing more than letting him know how loved and safe he was, and always would be.

David was sitting on the couch holding a book and staring at the same page he'd been staring at for the last several minutes. He was still trying to figure out how exactly to explain it all...and explain the one thing he'd never been able to understand himself. Why he stayed. He looked up as Craig walked in and smiled, "Saved you a spot," he grinned up at his lover.

Craig's smiled widened as David looked up at him. "Your little leech is right here at your command," he chuckled. Sitting down next to his lover, he let his hand trail over David's back, gently kneading and soothing tense muscles. "You can talk to me anytime you want," he said softly. "Or not talk. Whatever you want to do, whenever you're ready, I'm here."

David nodded slowly, "I'm not sure I know where to begin, I feel like if I say it out loud to someone after all this time the fear might...I don't know go away or fade some, but it isn't easy to put into words...I mean you know some of it already. A lot of it...more than I've let anyone know before. Do you remember that night we had that pillow fight and I pinned you on the bed?" David asked softly.

Craig's hands kept working at the knotted muscles of his lover's back and neck, as he scooted closer and nodded. "I remember," he said softly.

"Do you remember the way I reacted when I realized I was holding your hands above your head?" David asked tentatively. He wasn't sure if Craig would get the connection or not...but hoped he would.

Craig nodded again, looking into his lover's eyes. "I……oh, God," he said softly, realization dawning in his eyes as his hands froze. "He didn't…….no. He…..he used to hold you down? He….." As his voice trailed off, Craig reached around to take David's hands in his own, holding on tight, wanting to close his eyes against the images that came to mind, but unwilling to break their gaze. Taking a deep breath he squeezed his lover's hands. "Talk to me, love. Tell me what happened."

David nodded sadly, "If I made him mad and he didn't blow up at the time I'd never know...until later. That's when he would...he'd hold me down. Once..." David trailed off because of the memory being so painful. "Once...I fell asleep and woke up tied to the bed...other times he would just come up behind me...and pin me against a counter...like well...that's why I reacted the way I did this afternoon. I know you'd never do that, not in a million years...I know that...but just like the desk a few weeks ago...my body reacts before my mind can and even then it's difficult. The things...I can't count the number of times I had to lie about bruises, or worse...and I have no idea why I was pathetic enough to let him do it to me for nearly three years." He looked away trying to keep the tears welled in his eyes from falling.

There was no way on heaven or earth Craig could have stopped his own tears from falling, nor did he even try. He was furious at Richard, the mere idea of anyone hurting David causing Craig's body to physically ache. "He…tied you up? God, I……I could kill him for making you feel this way," he whispered almost to himself. "The very notion that he….did *that* to you , makes me want kill him." Standing up on shaking limbs, Craig knelt in the floor between David's legs, cradling his face in gentle hands and took a deep breath. "You're *not* pathetic," he whispered. "You left him - no matter how, or why, you got out of that situation, and I thank God you did." Leaning in to place soft kisses on his lover's forehead, Craig waited for David to look at him. "He's never going to hurt you again, love…….No one is. EVER. You're safe, and away from that, and I love you more than anything in this world or the next."

As Craig's tears began to fall David was unable to stop his own, gazing down at his lover as he looked up at him he nodded his head slowly. He murmured softly "I love you," it was the only thing he could say. Scooting forward and off the couch onto his knees before Craig he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face against his neck. "I love you," he murmured against his lover's neck. He'd never told anyone those things before...ever. He had kept it all bottled up inside for so long. "I'm sorry I can't be the man you deserve," he whispered softly.

Craig held on to his lover tightly, rocking him back and forth. "Please don't say that," he whispered. "Don't even *think* that. It hurts my heart when you say those words. You're the one that deserves better." Pulling back to rain soft kisses over every inch of his lover's face, Craig's tears mingled with David's. "You'll never know how much I love you," he said softly.

David shook his head, "You deserve someone who isn't like me, Craig. You deserve someone who can love you with all they are, not someone whose past still owns pieces of them. I love you so much, but it's not half as much as you deserve to have. I wake up everyday amazed that you still love me and want to be here with me. I know you say now that you love me and you are happy with me, but I hope you do continue to do so, because...I don't think I could survive if I lost you...not now," he said softly attempting to wipe away his tears with the back of his hand.

"You are *never* going to lose me," Craig whispered, wiping away the tears that David had missed. "I swear, I'm never, ever going to stop loving you. I know you love me, David. And that makes me happier than you can possibly imagine. One day you'll see how much I love you, and all the fear will be gone, and you'll be free. Do you remember what I told you just after we met? That I'll be right here, waiting, holding your hand?"

"Yes, I remember," David said looking into his lover's eyes. He would always remember that because he'd felt so touched by Craig's words. No one had ever given him the choice before to go at his own pace. Do things his own way, yet Craig had always given him that from the very start.

"I meant every word," Craig said, gently running his thumb over David's lip. "I understand how you feel, and I'm so grateful for any part of your heart that you can give me. I'll wait for you, sweetheart. No matter how long it takes, I'll be right here, loving you, beyond forever." Leaning in to kiss his lover's lips, Craig smiled through his tears. "I. Love. You." He whispered, each word punctuated by a kiss. "And nothing will *ever* change that."

David smiled and ran his fingers down Craig's cheek which was still damp from tears, "I love you...I do. I just wish I could give you more," he whispered softly leaning his head against his lover's shoulder holding him close. "I wish things had been different, I wish I'd met you all those years ago," he whispered, "But you are here with me now, and you have no idea what your love means to me. What your patience, and your kindness, and your beauty of soul have meant to me."

"You're right…I am here with you now," Craig whispered. "I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner, but I'm here now, and I love, adore, and worship you. Please don't worry about what you feel you can't give me. Knowing that you love me at all is more than I have any right to wish for." Holding his lover tightly, Craig closed his eyes and wished he could turn back time, could go back and erase every bad thing that had happened to this incredible man in his arms. "We're here together, my love. We found each other, and that's all that matters."

David held tight to Craig and nodded. "Together," he whispered softly against his lover's neck. Staying like that for several long moments David finally pulled back slightly and looked into his love's eyes. "Curl up with me on the couch? Please? I just...I need to feel you near me," he whispered, wanting to erase from his mind everything he had remembered earlier. Just wanting to hold Craig and be held by him and forget the rest of the world, forget everything but the two of them.

Craig nodded and rose to his feet, gently pulling David up from the floor. "Absolutely," he said softly, lying down on the couch and opening his arms to his lover.

David lay down on the couch beside Craig, snuggling into his warm embrace and smiled. "Thank you," he murmured burying his face against Craig's neck and kissing him softly.

Craig's hands drifted slowly up and down his lover's back, murmuring soft endearments into his ear. He'd known Richard was abusive, but this…this was more than Craig could stand to think about. David hadn't been specific as to what happened, but Craig had a clear idea, and didn't know if his lover was ready to say more. And he couldn't forget the feel of David pulling away from him, though he knew the reason, and it made him loathe Richard even more. // God, please help me help him to forget. Please just let me be able to do that for him. Even if he can never love me the way I love him, please just let me take his pain away. // Holding his lover close, Craig pressed his lips into soft hair, trying to hide his anger at Richard and vowing to himself to *never* frighten David like that again.

David snuggled close and closed his eyes. He listened to Craig's softly spoken words of love as he took a deep breath and tried to relax in his lover's arms. He hadn't been able to tell Craig everything, wasn't sure he ever could. Craig loved him...he loved him and that was all that was important now. He would find a way to move beyond his past...Craig had proven to David that it was possible for him to be happy. Resting his cheek against Craig's shoulder he murmured, "I love you, Craig," just as he began to drift off to sleep.

"I love you too, sweetheart," Craig said softly, pulling the afghan from the back of the couch and wrapping it over them both. His arms automatically wound back around David, holding him close. As David began to relax, Craig stared up at the ceiling, his eyes again filling with tears at the very thoughts of the man he loved living in pain and fear for three years. // Never again, my love. You will *never* be afraid or hurt again, as long as there is breath in my body. // Closing his eyes against the images that crowded his mind, Craig concentrated on the soft sounds of his lover's breathing, and the feel of his heartbeat next to his own, until finally, he begin to feel sleepy. "Love you," he murmured just as he drifted off, never in his life meaning it more than he did at this moment.

TBC